Dark Horse Wins Conan the Barbarian License

[delekkerste]

So Dark Horse secured the rights to our favorite Cimmerian barbarian Conan (heard they were bidding against both Marvel and DC) and will launch a new series in mid-2003 according to their website.

 

Is anyone excited by this, or are people still gagging from how bad the last few years of Marvel's Conan franchise were? Personally, I would rather see Red Sonja (mmmm, Red Sonja) make a comeback than Conan. I wonder if Dark Horse picked up the rights to Sonja as part of the deal.

 

Thoughts?

 

Gene

[Darthdiesel]

Is there a market now for a barbarian warrior? Play it up to the Mage Knight kiddies and let's see. I agree on rather seeing Red Sonja come back, especially if it is a MAX line book but that's just for perverse reasons not because I believe there is any real demand for that.

 

Maybe we should have Greg Rucka propose a -script: Ultimate Conan! just so you and CI would be able to give some great analysis and insight into inferior quality writing...

[delekkerste]

A MAX Red Sonja comic or an Ultimate Conan...these are actually some pretty good ideas! Too bad Marvel didn't win the license.

 

I don't know what the demand out there will be...seems like the Conan series (volume 2, I think) that Marvel put out in the late 1990s met with tepid demand, at best (it didn't help that, like all 1990s Marvels, it sucked eggs). But seeing what CrossGen has done with Sojourn and its other fantasy-oriented books, I think there is great potential for a Conan series and the fantasy genre, but I suspect Dark Horse is not going to succeed in meeting that potential. But I will reserve judgment until after I see the first issue.

 

Gene

[delekkerste]

-script outline for Greg Rucka's "Ultimate Conan" series:

 

Page 1: Splash page of Conan lying down on a cot, at the Hyborian Age equivalent of a psychitarist's office

Pages 2-5: Conan tells his shrink about the deep-seated guilt he has about killing so many people (remember, we have to revamp Conan and bring in as many 21st century themes that we can)

Pages 6-11: Conan performing a variety of household errands and chores (since this an Ultimate book, we must only show elements that "humanize" Conan and constrain the action scenes to no more than 1-2 pages)

Pages 12-15: Conan writes a letter to Red Sonja expressing his deepest, truest feelings for her

Pages 16-20: Conan goes to the forest to pick wildflowers to create a bouquet for Sonja. In his thoughts, Conan grapples over how he can best Sonja in combat to break her vow of chastity without hurting her

Page 21: Conan is attacked by a wild boar while picking flowers, which he slays (enough action for 1 Ultimate issue)

Page 22: Splash page of Conan, guilt-ridden after taking the life of the boar, holding his face in his hands and crying...

 

Ultimate Gene

[jens25e]

 

delekkerste definitely has some talent!

 

 

[Darthdiesel]

delekkerste definitely has some talent!

 

But in the arena of comic -script writing, it is definitely not!

 

J/K Just busting on ya, Gene!

[comicinvestor-migration]

Actually, that's a bit too good for Rucka. Here's what it would really look like, assuming of course that Ultimate Conan would be reinvented for the 21st century and is now sword-wielding, bad- motha with all the problems of a realistic Cimmerian from that era:

 

Story opens with Conan sitting in a cabin of a aged healing man, Conan tells the healer about a growing itch in his groin. "By Crom that Witch-Woman of Lemuria was one blazing lay, but now my groin itches like the pits of Hades"

 

He then relates his prowess in the sack with many stories of conquest, of the beauties and skanks Conan has laid with, and punctuating it with a quick sword-thrust through the healer's pet pig.

 

Leaving the cabin with linament in hand, Conan happens upon a street urchin, who is subjected to many tales of sword-play, skill and long years of training, with Conan utterly convinced the poor boy is interested. After 20 minutes (and 12 pages) of exposition, the urchin trys to run, only to be brought down by a thrown broad axe.

 

Conan extracts his axe wistfully, gazing at the heavens and wondering if the life of a Barbarian is truly worth it. 3 pages of wist later, he then catches sight of a red-haired lady, and proceeds to tell everyone with ear-shot that he loves this ample-bosomed beauty.

 

Tired of listening to the Cimmerian, they feign slumber and after a few more hours of one-sided conversation, Conan departs and decided to follow the fair maiden in the revealing, yet highly functional, armor.

 

Keeping close to her now-cold trail, Conan happens upon an inn, and takes it upon himself to gorge on the raw, red meat of the giant roc, and fills his stomach with gallons of rancid liquor. He soon finds himself outside, puking his guts out and probably filled with every parasitic organism known to man.

 

Drunk as a skunk, he waxes eloquent to the passing priest, telling him of past repasts and how he could once drink his weight in swarmy malt liquor. Conan tells him of a battle that took place three days hence, and using only his hands, creates an impromptu puppet show of his epic struggle against the great horned beast. Not amused, the priest pushes on, but Conan tries to demonstrate his prowess by skewering a passing chicken.

 

The last 5-8 pages is taken up by Conan back at the healer's cabin, telling him once again of his exploits, abilities and past victories, all the while looking for another pig to run through.

 

Greg Rucka: Story TELLer Extraordinaire.

[keithdagen]

If they can do something with the series, I would enjoy taking a gander at the first couple of issues. I'm leery though, as their run on GI Joe sucked pretty hard in my opinion.

[Guest]

I haven't been thrilled with their handling of the Star Wars licence, mostly owing to uninspired stories and art, so I doubt Dark Horse will be able to reinvigorate Conan.

 

There is, however, rumor of another Conan movie in the works.

[keithdagen]

Star Wars is a tough license. Most readers are tired of post-ROTJ material, yet there are strict limiations by Lucasfilm Licensing as to what pre-SW stuff can be covered. Some of the series haven't been the best, but I have liked a majority of the story arcs.