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[dover]

[Mr.Diggler]

[Comicopolis]

they never make fun of us, do they?

 

Are they picking on you

[dover]

they never make fun of us, do they?

 

Are they picking on you

 

I think they all need a good spanking.....

[dover]

on a side note: Monty Python and the Holy Grail opened up this week in 1975

 

:banana:

[dover]

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony

wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

 

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,

but don't start anything."

 

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

 

[dover]

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other! : "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not

Unusual."

 

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

 

[dover]

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were

nothing to look at either.

 

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?! " "No, because he's really heavy."

 

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

 

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

 

15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 

17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

[slym2none]

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

 

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

 

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

 

"Yes, I do," she replied.

 

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car kissing?"

 

"Yes, I remember."

 

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"

 

"Yes, I do," she said.

 

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."

 

 

 

-slym

[slym2none]

 

1) I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.

2) A girl phoned me the other day and said .... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

3) During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4) One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy .... 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

5) Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6) I was such an ugly kid........When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

7) I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

8) I was such an ugly baby ... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9) I'm so ugly ... My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10) When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father 'I'm very sorry.......We did everything we could......But he pulled through.'

11) I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness.......AFTER I was born.

12) I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13) Once when I was lost ..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He said 'I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide.'

14) My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15) I'm so ugly ... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

16) I went to see my doctor. 'Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?' He said 'I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.'

17) I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

 

R.I.P., Rodney.......

 

 

 

-slym

[slym2none]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

 

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

 

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

 

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

 

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

 

He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea"

 

 

 

-slym

[slym2none]

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.

2. Jesus was not White.

3. Rap music is here to stay.

4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.

5. Skinny does not equal sexy.

6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.

7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.

8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.

9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.

10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

 

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.

2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.

3. Jesus is not a name for your son.

4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.

5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.

6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.

7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.

8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.

9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.

10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

 

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. O. J. did it.

2. Tupac is dead.

3. Teeth should not be decorated.

4. Weddings should start on time.

5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.

6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.

7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.

8. Church does not require expensive clothes.

9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.

10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

 

 

 

-slym

[slym2none]

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A: A tattoo.

 

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

 

Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?

A: "Will the Defendant please rise..."

 

Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?

A: Their personalities.

 

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

A: Saliva.

 

Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless.

 

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?

A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

 

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?

A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

 

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

A: It saves time in the long run.

 

Q: What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?

A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

 

and finally...

 

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

 

Thank you and good-night!!!

 

 

 

 

-slym (will be here all week, folks)

[dover]

[dover]

[dover]

[Comicopolis]

they never make fun of us, do they?

 

Are they picking on you

 

I think they all need a good spanking.....

 

[Mr.Diggler]

[Mr.Diggler]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

 

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

 

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

 

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

 

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

 

He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea"

 

 

 

-slym

 

[Comicopolis]

on a side note: Monty Python and the Holy Grail opened up this week in 1975

 

:banana: