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[slym2none]

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but

then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

 

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the

Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

 

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

 

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

 

 

 

-slym

[dover]

 

[dover]

when's the next show???

 

 

[dover]

"Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite."

 

 

[User 01001010]

funny stuff slym!

 

j

[Mike Bray]

"I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

[Mike Bray]

"The horror, the horror"

[Mike Bray]

"Badges, we don't need no stinkin' badges"

[Mike Bray]

"When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better"

[Mike Bray]

"Soylent Green is people"

[Comicopolis]

Tell another joke Slym

[slym2none]

Do you think after a long day at work, morticians go out for a couple of cold ones?

 

 

 

-slym

[dover]

[dover]

and that's how the fight got started...

[dover]

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot

as a Christmas gift.

 

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

 

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"

 

 

And that's how the fight started.....

 

[dover]

My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?"

 

I replied "Dust".

 

And that's how the fight started.....

 

[dover]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

 

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a

compliment.'

 

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

 

And that's how the fight started.....

 

[dover]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

 

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.

 

I bought her a scale.

 

And that's how the fight started.....

 

[dover]

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

 

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

 

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

 

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

 

And that's when the fight started....

 

[dover]

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

 

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

 

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

 

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

 

And that's when the fight started....