ON THE CONS (of collecting cgc books)

ON THE CONS (of collecting cgc books)

THE CONS

1. You Will Become a Nerd.

> ...too late!

Yes, you heard me.

> !I know; es verdad!

You will become a nerd.

> You said that; I got it.

> I know I'm an 'Original' Nerd. Yep! ...an 'Oh-Enn.'

> I know; I'm a first wave 'Gak' even though I DO NOT

> look like it at all.

> I'm 6 feet 3 inches in bare feet, and I weigh 174 pounds,

> fighting weight, with less than, about, 8% body fat.

> I can cook, clean, and do your taxes.

> I'll fix your plumbing, cook some wort and brew some beer

> I'll fend off bears, catch salmon by hand, and overcome

> human foes, too!

> Last year, I out-worked two young men (boys with tits,

> I defined them), less than half my age! Don't they breed

> 'hustle' anymore?

> I've been a vegetarian since I was 18 years old, and

> that was in 1980. I turn FIFTY THIS YEAR;

> ...like Spidey, and th' X-Men,

> and Michael Jordan!

> I am fitter than ever.. ''cept for a few things.

> My muscles are defined as if I were the model for

> Michaelangelo's 'David.'

> Yep. I'm strapping alright. I've got a 'six-pack' and

> you can see the sinews, ripples and fibres in my arm,

> chest, and leg muscles.

> I really should be eating more,

> but

> this restricted calorie thing is over-toted, today,

> to me.

> [You should]

> See Richard Corben's illustration Robert Ervin Howard's

> 'The Dark Barbarian'. (...appeared in Heavy Metal.)

Try to invite a {omitted} girl over to your house for..

> First of all, what house?

> Second of all, I have NEVER got a 'yes' answer,

> (I AM 100% rejected;

> do you

> [females, really] think

> I'll ask [you]?)

> Third, I have NEVER got a correct phone number, and

> EVERY woman I've ever met at a bar,

> which I very, very, very, rarely, go to [alone]

> has told me the same thing, after hours, or so, of

> light conversation; they say,

> '...my boyfriend....', or

> 'I have a boyfriend.'

> Furthermore, and dishearteningly, every female

> I have been intimate with has,

> at least,

> had an abortion behind my back and I was 5th to know;

> said was on the pill, wanted me to pay for an abortion;

> was cat-sitting for her, but she was ~ some one else;

> and the MOST..

> It's why I am on SSI, for extraordinary rendition..

> (Civil, Human, and Constitutional Rights Violations)

> that's MY 2 out of 10, starting at 29, for 20 years.

> (So, ARE my comics better?).

dinner

> Dinner?

> I'M starving!

> (with a healthy sex rate = twice per week, I'm

> back-dated for over 416 times, for the past 5 years.)

> (I've had 'sex' once since 2007.)

and have to explain to them the gigantic collection of

comic books you have.

> I got that.. often.

> Didn't you grow up?

> That's kid stuff.

It doesn't really leave a good impression. If you

remember the scene on the 40 Year Old Virgin where

she comes over his house and he just has loads of

action figures and comics all over the place.

> I didn't see the movie;

> I wouldn't WANT TO afford it,

> when

> I could buy a couple of comics for the price of

> admission, and have something to show for it, now,

> and later.

> Besides,

> BEFORE

> there was the 40 year-old virgin, I got to see what

> life was like as a 29 year-old virgin, and now at 49,

> I've never had a girl-FRIEND!

> That's my REALITY folks.

> I'd rather stack comic books, than be a person who

> has seen the latest 'Hollywoodland' blockbuster

> production.

> Nevertheless, being truly gumpy, I AM curious about

> James Cameron's new film 'Gravity.'

> Why wouldn't I be...? I got to play the part of a

> Russian sailor in 'The Abyss', and was in the

> 'Director's Cut', which first appeared on Laserdisk

> in '92, or so, but I'm not gonna look it up now.

This will be you.

> THIS IS the GREAT THING

> about COMIC BOOKS (, or ANY books, in general)..

> As a child,

> we learn to ASSERT ourselves, sometimes,

> BY 'What we eat',

> and certainly

> BY 'What we read'*.

* > AND WHEN WE READ..

> We armchair travel,

> to worlds (see Wally Wood's 'My World', EC,

> Weird Science, #?), to places, that equate to

> replacement behavior..

> , and, in the process,

> we FIND ourselves

> by

> losing ourselves

> in what we love,

> liked.

> which becomes,

> Those things, our parents

> CANNOT DICTATE.

> It's a matter of taste!

> ...like Politics, or Religion.

Not really,

> No, really, RUNE,

> capital 'R' Reality is WAY STRANGER than fiction,

> which is

> what makes geeks such great writers,

> and they have a tendency to start at 'the bottom'..

> (Who am I kidding? Ask Fellini about Alex Raymond

> and storyboarding, and he'll kick you in..

> your bottom!)

> and tendency to start in comics, which,

> most [boys] are familiar with.

but definitely take that under consideration if

you are self conscious and what-not.

> Need we get into the most important person in a

> child's life (= the same-sex parent), and the

> likelihood of neglect under the auspices of a

> female, as opposed to a male, and your rolling

> 70%, in stead of 30%?

> 'What a terrible way to divide a pie.' - can't

2. You Will Become Obsessed.

> (ibidem)

> Just take a look above. ...too late!

Just like collecting anything, you will easily

become obsessed with comic books.

> Replacement Behavior is addictive, but can serve

> as a substitute for far more 'wicked' things like

> OCD, sex, drug and gambling addictions.

Every time you see one you might like at a store

you will buy it. It will bankrupt you.

> It's like being a Shop-A-Holic,

> or

> a thief.

> You get the rele

To see old comments for this Journal entry, click here. New comments can be added below.