So why a War chest !!

[VintageComics]

And I've never seen such sheep who can't see anyone elses views on things. You might not agree...fine. But I won't STFU. Put me on ignore then. I didn't bash the OP at all.

 

 

Only in a round-about way. Consider if this whole thing happened in real life. Perhaps a co-worker, one you don't know particularly well, came upon a group of "the guys" at work. He poured his heart out about his marital/ex-spousal troubles, and the fact he felt he was being bleed dry and now had to sell off some of his prize possessions to continue the custody battle. Regardless of what your viewpoints might be, regardless of whether your sympathize with him or not, do you then proceed to interject your personal perspective into the conversation?

 

You seem like a bright enough guy to where your sense of good decorum would insure you refrain from voicing your beliefs. That's not the time and place. In here, also, is not the time and place. Perhaps the only difference is that in a real world setting, you probably care about whether your co-workers think of you as an insensitive schmuck, while here, you don't.

 

That's the difference between being a member of this community and not. If you want to stick around for the long haul, and reap all the benefits of friendship and comraderie this place has to offer, you might want to be a little more tactful in how you approach things. If you just want to make sure your voice is heard, and don't care who likes it or not, well, there are plenty of internet message boards that would be happy to have you.

 

Just a thought.

 

Madgyar.

 

 

[the blob]

the problem with child support here and I guess in canada is that it is set at whatever you happen to be making when it is set. if you happen to be having a good year, the courts assume you will always have a good year. when your business tanks and you have the same payments, you then have to spend money to go to court and beg the court to adjust things. the court (and your spouse) will wonder if the drop in income is real, whether you are making genuine efforts to keep your income up, etc. and will put the "best interests" of the children ahead of your's, as child support is not meant to be a punishment for you, but to give their lives/standard of living the same as prior to divorce. so it's a very tricky process.

 

of course, if the amount of the payment is crushing you and not really necessary to allow your children to live the lives they should, it puts you in a position where it's that much harder to ever improve your financial situation (and, indirectly, the situation of your children because you can bet if your income doubled, your spouse would demand more child support!) by investing in your business or whatever. it's a bad cycle.

 

i would have thought the canadian courts might be a bit fairer in terms of custody arrangements than "every other weekend", but I suppose if you didn't fight for more previously your wife will argue you're just trying to get more custody time with them to reduce your payments.

[the blob]

I'm 40 years old and have always said i will never get married, and this is why.

----------------

 

I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with getting married, but rather, having children. Given that almost 40% of children are born out of wedlock, the two things are having less and less to do with eachother every year.

 

I'm pretty sure your child support payments don't go up because you were married. The OP isn't talking about alimony. Alimony is going to depend on the relative incomes of the spouses among other things.

[JiveTurkeyMoFo]

And I've never seen such sheep who can't see anyone elses views on things. You might not agree...fine. But I won't STFU. Put me on ignore then. I didn't bash the OP at all.

 

 

Only in a round-about way. Consider if this whole thing happened in real life. Perhaps a co-worker, one you don't know particularly well, came upon a group of "the guys" at work. He poured his heart out about his marital/ex-spousal troubles, and the fact he felt he was being bleed dry and now had to sell off some of his prize possessions to continue the custody battle. Regardless of what your viewpoints might be, regardless of whether your sympathize with him or not, do you then proceed to interject your personal perspective into the conversation?

 

You seem like a bright enough guy to where your sense of good decorum would insure you refrain from voicing your beliefs. That's not the time and place. In here, also, is not the time and place. Perhaps the only difference is that in a real world setting, you probably care about whether your co-workers think of you as an insensitive schmuck, while here, you don't.

 

That's the difference between being a member of this community and not. If you want to stick around for the long haul, and reap all the benefits of friendship and comraderie this place has to offer, you might want to be a little more tactful in how you approach things. If you just want to make sure your voice is heard, and don't care who likes it or not, well, there are plenty of internet message boards that would be happy to have you.

 

Just a thought.

 

Madgyar.

 

 

Slav.

[KryptoSpidey]

Dude, i wish you the best of luck and hope that you have a positive outcome.

My girlfriend is going thru a horrible 6 yr divorce,and we have full custody of her 9 yr old.I'm in essence "dad" now.

The childs father is a "dead-beat dad",which is even sadder considering the guy is very wealthy,and money isn't the issue here.

He has psychiatric problems,and is not allowed visitation of the child,court ordered,until he gets the psyciatric reviews required,which probably will never happen.That is SAD.

I feel 100% that a dad should be fully involved in a child's up-bringing,and only wish this guy would fight to see his child the way you are.

I commend you in doing the right thing...and best of luck!

Hopefully the "good guy" prevails here.

 

[Mark 1]

And I've never seen such sheep who can't see anyone elses views on things. You might not agree...fine. But I won't STFU. Put me on ignore then. I didn't bash the OP at all.

 

 

Only in a round-about way. Consider if this whole thing happened in real life. Perhaps a co-worker, one you don't know particularly well, came upon a group of "the guys" at work. He poured his heart out about his marital/ex-spousal troubles, and the fact he felt he was being bleed dry and now had to sell off some of his prize possessions to continue the custody battle. Regardless of what your viewpoints might be, regardless of whether your sympathize with him or not, do you then proceed to interject your personal perspective into the conversation?

 

You seem like a bright enough guy to where your sense of good decorum would insure you refrain from voicing your beliefs. That's not the time and place. In here, also, is not the time and place. Perhaps the only difference is that in a real world setting, you probably care about whether your co-workers think of you as an insensitive schmuck, while here, you don't.

 

That's the difference between being a member of this community and not. If you want to stick around for the long haul, and reap all the benefits of friendship and comraderie this place has to offer, you might want to be a little more tactful in how you approach things. If you just want to make sure your voice is heard, and don't care who likes it or not, well, there are plenty of internet message boards that would be happy to have you.

 

Just a thought.

 

I understand your point. I never meant to be insensitive to the plight he is going through. If I was, my apologies to the OP.

 

I am 100% certain I wished him luck, hoped he wins his court case for shared custody and that it worked out for him and his kids. So, the continued jabs at me are examples of our "community" you speak of?

 

A community (whether real or cyber) should also be tolerant of alternative views and opinions. If we all have to believe the same thing and act the same way...well perhaps you don't have the same belief in community that I do.

 

A topic like this is a touchy one that I'm sure you can appreciate might strike a chord with some (or maybe only me) who have actually had to deal with situations like this. I'm not a stranger to these types of problems and challenges. As I said, I won't air my personal experiences with it but just to say that I am very sensitive to the whole child support topic and I gather my sensitivities came out in my post to the OP.

 

I apologize to the OP if I was hurtful in my post or came across insensitive. Now if this is the type of community that you mentioned above...I would think forgiveness is part of that camaraderie and spirit that you mentioned.

 

Have a great day.

[Vtcomics]

And I've never seen such sheep who can't see anyone elses views on things. You might not agree...fine. But I won't STFU. Put me on ignore then. I didn't bash the OP at all.

 

 

Only in a round-about way. Consider if this whole thing happened in real life. Perhaps a co-worker, one you don't know particularly well, came upon a group of "the guys" at work. He poured his heart out about his marital/ex-spousal troubles, and the fact he felt he was being bleed dry and now had to sell off some of his prize possessions to continue the custody battle. Regardless of what your viewpoints might be, regardless of whether your sympathize with him or not, do you then proceed to interject your personal perspective into the conversation?

 

You seem like a bright enough guy to where your sense of good decorum would insure you refrain from voicing your beliefs. That's not the time and place. In here, also, is not the time and place. Perhaps the only difference is that in a real world setting, you probably care about whether your co-workers think of you as an insensitive schmuck, while here, you don't.

 

That's the difference between being a member of this community and not. If you want to stick around for the long haul, and reap all the benefits of friendship and comraderie this place has to offer, you might want to be a little more tactful in how you approach things. If you just want to make sure your voice is heard, and don't care who likes it or not, well, there are plenty of internet message boards that would be happy to have you.

 

Just a thought.

 

I understand your point. I never meant to be insensitive to the plight he is going through. If I was, my apologies to the OP.

 

I am 100% certain I wished him luck, hoped he wins his court case for shared custody and that it worked out for him and his kids. So, the continued jabs at me are examples of our "community" you speak of?

 

A community (whether real or cyber) should also be tolerant of alternative views and opinions. If we all have to believe the same thing and act the same way...well perhaps you don't have the same belief in community that I do.

 

A topic like this is a touchy one that I'm sure you can appreciate might strike a chord with some (or maybe only me) who have actually had to deal with situations like this. I'm not a stranger to these types of problems and challenges. As I said, I won't air my personal experiences with it but just to say that I am very sensitive to the whole child support topic and I gather my sensitivities came out in my post to the OP.

 

I apologize to the OP if I was hurtful in my post or came across insensitive. Now if this is the type of community that you mentioned above...I would think forgiveness is part of that camaraderie and spirit that you mentioned.

 

Have a great day.

 

Good job mark 1. Stepped up. (thumbs u

[Icculus308win]

 

Mark, apologized - he was sincere and cordial. Let it be now. Back to supporting the OP.

"The buzzards on a gut wagon" thing does not need to happen on this thread. (Only with Cap Freak was that fine IMHO)

 

I hope it all works out for you and your family in the long run.

 

 

 

 

[hockey&comicsguy]

 

It just angers me when I see Fathers who want to lower their support for their children. The mentality (not saying it is this case) is that they feel the money is going to the ex-wife and not the children. Which is (in most case) total BS.

 

 

What's your source?

 

There's too much involved in any divorce to simply paint broad brush strokes over all situations like you know what the deal is.

 

I watched my brother in law go through his divorce. Wow. You want to see the reverse of the "stereotype". Here's a guy in his mid 30's who keeps his kids 80% of the year. A guy who when he had his kids was cutting checks to the x in the tens of thousands annually..............and she didn't even have the ing kids. X pitches in nothing when legally she has been ordered to split costs of their things like new clothes, shoes, soccer camps, whatever. She pitches in nothing.

 

My parents divorced when I was 6. The old man didn't pay jack. I've seen two sides. There are plenty more. Too many to just think you can paint all situations as simply "fathers not wanting to pay more b/c they think it's going to the wife"

[hockey&comicsguy]

Hey, it's my

 

You don't have to like it....

 

I can't see why anyone would want to bring this stuff up here anyway even if to get some friendly support.

 

These divorce situations always have more to them than meets the eye. It's never black and white and never simple.

 

I don't wish any ill will toward the OP. I wish him and his children the best.

 

EXACTLY!

 

So don't make stupid ing comments about fathers when you don't know this guy's situation. All we know is the wife is DEMANDING MORE than what the OP was bound to pay and she doesn't want to give him fair access to the kids. "Oh, let's see...I can't see my kids as much as I want and you want more money from me. Umm....how about....yeah, well.........how about go take a flying leap lady! I'll see you in court"

 

Best of luck to the OP.

 

You know, for somebody who hasn't been hear very long. You're like always embroiled in some shet. What's up with that?

[hockey&comicsguy]

Mark, apologized - he was sincere and cordial. Let it be now. Back to supporting the OP.

"The buzzards on a gut wagon" thing does not need to happen on this thread. (Only with Cap Freak was that fine IMHO)

 

I hope it all works out for you and your family in the long run.

 

 

 

 

 

Marty Turco = Wings beotch!!!!

[Transplant]

All we know is the wife is DEMANDING MORE than what the OP was bound to pay and she doesn't want to give him fair access to the kids.

You're missing a couple of points here. The OP said he wants shared custody, NOT that his ex isn't giving him visitation. There's a difference. Shared custody would mean the kids live with him half the time and her half the time. Support is ordered b/c the custodial parent has more expenses than the non-custodial parent.

 

OP wants to go back to court to get that shared custody. Whatever the reason at the time, either the court did not feel it was appropriate or the OP did not ask for the parents to share custody. Now the OP is seeking a modification, which I can tell you in most states is very difficult.

 

Finally, I don't see where OP said she was asking for more, only that she wasn't agreeing to a reduction in child support. In the Chancery (divorce/equity) court where I clerked, that right to reduce child support doesn't even belong to the mother, it belongs to the kids (i.e., the court will decide if it's in the best interest of the kids). Let's not get confused.

[hockey&comicsguy]

All we know is the wife is DEMANDING MORE than what the OP was bound to pay and she doesn't want to give him fair access to the kids.

You're missing a couple of points here. The OP said he wants shared custody, NOT that his ex isn't giving him visitation. There's a difference. Shared custody would mean the kids live with him half the time and her half the time. Support is ordered b/c the custodial parent has more expenses than the non-custodial parent.

 

OP wants to go back to court to get that shared custody. Whatever the reason at the time, either the court did not feel it was appropriate or the OP did not ask for the parents to share custody. Now the OP is seeking a modification, which I can tell you in most states is very difficult.

 

Finally, I don't see where OP said she was asking for more, only that she wasn't agreeing to a reduction in child support. In the Chancery (divorce/equity) court where I clerked, that right to reduce child support doesn't even belong to the mother, it belongs to the kids (i.e., the court will decide if it's in the best interest of the kids). Let's not get confused.

 

I may have thought I read about her demanding more money. You could be right about that.

 

And yes, I understand he's asking for shared custody and what that entails. But the fact of the matter is he wants more access (shared custody) and she won't allow it.

 

If he had shared custody he'd likely have to pay less. So in a roundabout way, she is getting more out of him than he'd like and she's not allowing him as much access to the children as he'd like.

 

Of course this is all on the assumption that there is no reason why the court would find the OP unsuitable for shared custody. In which case it's in his best interest to sell off his comic books and not look like the dork that the rest of us are.

[Thomas Nielsen]

Things that can bring out the worst in people:

 

divorce/custody battles and inheritance issues.

 

I've seen both up close and it's not a pretty sight.

 

I hope you get your fair share of time with the kids, that's more important than any damn comic book.

 

 

 

 

[Jeffro.]

Mark, apologized - he was sincere and cordial. Let it be now.

 

+1, Kudos Mark

[Icculus308win]

Mark, apologized - he was sincere and cordial. Let it be now. Back to supporting the OP.

"The buzzards on a gut wagon" thing does not need to happen on this thread. (Only with Cap Freak was that fine IMHO)

 

I hope it all works out for you and your family in the long run.

 

 

 

 

 

Marty Turco = Wings beotch!!!!

 

Long time no talk my Pond Hockey Aficionado!! Hope you are doing well. Should be a fun filled season!!

 

 

[VintageComics]

How much a father (and sometimes a mother) should give and how much they actually give are two different things. Divorce is a painful and unfortunate reality. I've been through it. Short of having an ideal relationship between two parents, the next best thing is for both parents to be the best that they can possibly be separately. That is the best damage control that you can do.

 

If anyone is doing their honest best with what they have to work with (whether it be monetarily, or otherwise) then that is something that is not to be judged by anyone.

 

(thumbs u

 

 

[Subliminal]

The part that bothers me the most about the whole divorce/alimony clusterfudge that follows the end of a marriage is the court judgements seems to be based on a victorian age version of the nuclear family which is utter nonsence.

 

In the modern world we live in both man AND women are equally capable of supporting themselves and a child and they enter into future relationships that support a household and mixed home environments that include a "mom" and "dad" and that mom and dads kids.

There are plenty of stay at home dads these days and a lot less stay at home moms.

Therefore there is no need for these political games that are played out for sole custody and the financial punishment meted out to the "loser" of the lawyer/court game.

 

If the divorce laws defined joint custody as the norm, and let judges sort out the odd cases where the man or wife voluntarily gave up the right of joint custody (but not now as it is with the alternative being a steep financial uphill battle) then the kids would win.

 

Alimony in the modern world should be about 50% of the cost of raising the child (not the custodial spouses costs) to the man and 50% of the cost to the woman.

 

I also think that the separating parents have duty to remain close so that the child still can have access to both and that should be entrenched in a social contract as part of two people having children and the government and society has a duty to that child to make sure that happens.

 

BTW I'm not married but I have strong opinions about what a marriage should be.

 

To me its about the children, not us.

[the blob]

alimony is not child support. neither is supposed to be punishment. sometimes in the dissolution of assets the bad acts (if any) of the spouses are taken into account I suppose.

 

if the dad was a stay at home dad they have a decent enough shot at getting custody nowadays (depending on the jurisdiction)

[catrick339]

Divorce and support laws do more damage than none at all and it saddens me every time I hear when these situations occur.

Men disproportionally suffer so horribly both emotionally and financially at the hands of divorce lawyers.

I couldn't handle emotional blackmail like this if it was me.

 

No wonder not marrying is so much prevalent these days.

But I do agree that paying a lawyer what it takes to have a good father in their child's life, in spite of what the Ex wants, isn't a selfish thing to do.

 

It's the RIGHT thing to do. (thumbs u

 

 

 

Just to chime in, it's a two-edged knife.

 

When my wife and I first started dating fifteen years ago, she was divorced from her first husband, and had two teenage sons. She was working a custodian job for not much money, and her ex pulled down around $80K a year in a good manufacturing management job.

 

But he had custody of the boys and she paid HIM child support. Fair is fair, they had kids, and the kids had to be raised. But the cheap bastich took her to Friends of the Court every year to demand more money. Most of the time he got it, too.

 

Chiselers like that make me surly about the current laws.