Sorta OT: As you have gotten older....

[Foolkiller]

Work is definitely a place where it can be conducive to finding more people to hang out with -- but in my job, I spend 2/3 to 3/4 of the year on the road. One of the good things is that I will many times call someone (often from the boards) and say, hey, i'm in town, let's hang out. But often, there's just not time for that either.

 

With that said, i think I agree that it can be what you make of it, though having children is probably the biggest game changer. When I was married/engaged with no children, I definitely found that there was plenty of time to do what I wanted individually and things as a couple. Now, it is, as others have pointed out, a time issue. Still, I feel like my wife and women in general do more to maintain relationships, even when they are married/children.

 

 

[PulpCultureComics]

Work is definitely a place where it can be conducive to finding more people to hang out with -- but in my job, I spend 2/3 to 3/4 of the year on the road. One of the good things is that I will many times call someone (often from the boards) and say, hey, i'm in town, let's hang out. But often, there's just not time for that either.

 

With that said, i think I agree that it can be what you make of it, though having children is probably the biggest game changer. When I was married/engaged with no children, I definitely found that there was plenty of time to do what I wanted individually and things as a couple. Now, it is, as others have pointed out, a time issue. Still, I feel like my wife and women in general do more to maintain relationships, even when they are married/children.

 

I'd go along with that.

 

In fact when my social circle got smaller when our son was born my wife's has grown.

 

She took a year off and started to take our son to the local playgroup and got friendly with about 5 or 6 of the other mams and they now meet up once a month and go out for a meal. The only downside is that she's becoming more broody again and want's another

 

I'm still see my close friends back home once every few months and we all appreciate the effort as we are all married with young children.

[Silent Master]

I have like 220 friends on Facebook

 

 

Oddly enough I haven't been out in years

 

 

 

 

[PulpCultureComics]

I have like 220 friends on Facebook

 

 

Oddly enough I haven't been out in years

 

 

 

 

 

Do you mean your a shut-in

[Architecht]

 

There's some kind of effect of social planners beat social non-planners. Guy crews assume they're going to hang out and spontaneously call each other on the day-of and work it out. They all go where ever the crowd seems to want to go, and no one worries about it.

 

I don't want to over generalize, but I know my wife is a planner. So if I just decide last minute to do X, I know that I'm likely to have a cranky wife who was already "planning" to do Y.

 

Now multiply that by all of your other friends who, even if you can do a last minute thing, they cannot, and you get.... nothing.

 

Now add to that the idea of making new friends and the fact that guys are better at new friends through spontaneously grabbing a beer as opposed to "planning" a "man-date" and you're really in rare territory.

 

Of course, if guys would go into planning-mode things might be different. But seriously, that's not even fun, is it? Delcaring a "guys night out" a month in advance is just lame. It robs things of the sense of "adventure" someone mention earlier.

 

 

[Comicdey]

I was never one to just go hang out with the guys...I've got lots of old and new guy friends, but going to the movies with them never even crosses my mind.

 

Most of the guys I meet are either at work with common interests, or though the kids and family settings. Hockey practices where we all have to hang out at the bar and wait for practice to end.

 

Maybe an occasional beer when they come out to the lake with their wives and kids. ::

[Comicdey]

Women tend to make the time to spend together, so they can chat, catch up, commiserate etc.

 

Guys just don't do that IMO

[Dick Pontoon]

My wife and I were just having the same conversation. We wish we had more like minded friends to hang out with, go to dinner with and socialize. Life does get in the way. Seems more now than ever. It seems like an American thing. I have cousins in Germany who work as hard as we do but seem to have a great group of friends that hang out quite often. They make the time.

 

Making the time is the key. I have married friends that immediately fell off the social map and I have married friends that go out more than I do. Like anything else in life, if you want it bad enough it will happen. I will say that it's hard to meet new guy friends if you don't happen to work with them. I got lucky, as my office has 4 or 5 guys and 4 or 5 girls who are 25 to 30 years old and go out on a regular basis. It was easy for me to just fall in with them. Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

I wouldn’t bet on that!

 

I not only do not make new friends, I rarely see the old ones these days and that’s how it’s been for years now, mostly since having a kid. Although getting older figures in, too. I don’t have the stamina to go out carousing anymore. At least not with a 5:30 a.m. wakeup.

 

The combination of work schedule and commute and fatherhood plus distance to Boston makes it exceedingly difficult to go out to do anything.

 

Luckily, I’ve made some intensely solid friends in college and my bohemian musician days so that even if 6-12 months have gone by between seeing each other we just pick right up where we left off.

 

That said, the missus probably does get out more than I do.

 

[Comicdey]

Even get their hair cut together, go for girls weekends.

 

Dang...I work too hard

[Comicdey]

I want to go on a all girls weekend

[AndyBoBo]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

You definitely are not socially awkward, my friend!

 

I've too have had the same core since around that time, adding and subtracting from it as time dictates. I think, at least with me, is with everything going on - marriage, work, school, etc. - when I have a day off or the wife is with her friends, I just want to chill by myself (recent dad, so now I want to chill with my son). I have always enjoyed going to the movies by myself to get away (I know - CREEP!). Besides the fact that my buddies tell me I always look like a D.B., I think it's just life!

 

 

[hockey&comicsguy]

I was fortunate enough to be blessed with meeting many friends b/c of different tastes. I still have my buddies from growing up, high school and college, longtime pals that I grew up with, who've been in my wedding and vice versa. Scattered around the country, these are the guys I would drop everything for to go help them if they needed it, essentially brothers.

 

Then there are the other pals I met in college. When I look back on college I realize just how rewarding that experience was b/c a little more than 10 years after we graduated we've all kept in touch, watched each other get married, have kids, watch those children grow up into little people, etc...

 

When I relocated to my wife's hometown I didn't know anybody. But I played baseball and a lot of her guy friends growing up did as well and still lived close by. So she introduced me to a couple of them and we started playing softball and I met an entirely new group of good guys. A decade of softball and moving on to other teams added a new group of pals. Whereas I don't socialize with all of them outside of softball there's a certain closeness you share when on a team and competing together.

 

As the years passed I was pretty content with my "stable" of friendships. I wasn't actively trying to get to know anybody knew. But my wife was. She would start to meet other gals at the swim club and eventually I wound up meeting their husbands. Now there are a handful of those guys who I would consider my best friends. Proximity and similarity have much to do with that. Living in the same town, going to the same places, having kids at the same school, sharing hobbies and relative closeness of age. Unless you are a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, it's likely that many guys follow this path.

 

I feel pretty fortunate to have as many buds as I do. I guess I can chalk part of it up to the fact that i'm so goddamned special and fun to hang around with.

 

This discussion had me thinking about a Chris Rock segment he did for an HBO special. Makes me laugh every time. Right about the 2:20 mark is fitting for this discussion. Some profanity here so NSFW.

 

[Comicdey]

Brian,

 

I'll be your friend

 

It's a heck of a commute

[Dale Roberts]

Work is definitely a place where it can be conducive to finding more people to hang out with -- but in my job, I spend 2/3 to 3/4 of the year on the road. One of the good things is that I will many times call someone (often from the boards) and say, hey, i'm in town, let's hang out. But often, there's just not time for that either.

 

With that said, i think I agree that it can be what you make of it, though having children is probably the biggest game changer. When I was married/engaged with no children, I definitely found that there was plenty of time to do what I wanted individually and things as a couple. Now, it is, as others have pointed out, a time issue. Still, I feel like my wife and women in general do more to maintain relationships, even when they are married/children.

 

 

Personally, I think women need those relationships more than guys do. l think women need to talk to other women, whether it is friends or family. I think guys need to be able to go do something occasionally with other guys, whether it be golfing, or something else.

 

My best friend has been my friend all my life (actually like 4th cousins and literally born days apart), and was a college roommate. He is who I golf with, occasionally go to a UK game with, occasionally go fishing with. We used to be inseparable, but not so much anymore, as he is single, but I know he is someone I can always count on if I need someone, even if it is just to move a piece of furniture or help with a home project or such.

 

I have a few other guys who I go to church with who are good friends and I can probably "talk" more to one of them than just about any other guy that I know. Our families hang out (actually went out to dinner last night), we all have kids around the same age, and our wives are good friends too. Going through common things with the kids and the struggles of every day life make this type of friendship pretty easy and also pretty rewarding.

 

And then there are a few guys on the boards that I really count as friends, and I enjoy the limited time we have together.

 

 

[AndyBoBo]

I have like 220 friends on Facebook

 

 

Oddly enough I haven't been out in years

 

 

 

 

.

 

the question now is, how many does your wife have!?!

[GACollectibles]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I think you can blame it all on the sandals.

[Dale Roberts]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I think you can blame it all on the sandals.

 

so what can YOU blame it on???

[Foolkiller]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I think you can blame it all on the sandals.

 

Probably.

 

I wasn't even going to raise this other point because I certainly know the answer here which is why I don't see my female friends anymore... answer, my wife. But with that said, she's actually close with my best female friend (who's probably my closest friend period I made in my "adult" life) who was also a "groomsman" at my wedding. But even her I don't talk to that much (though are families vacationed together last year) or like I used to. I had a fair amount of female friends that I saw regularly, and I totally understand the evolution of both sides getting married and that dissipating.

 

There are times when I see guys like Greg Reece in a given week more than my wife, but most of my friends are not local either. Most are in NY, Philly and Jersey or spread elsewhere around the country.

 

I think it's interesting hearing the stories -- the sports that I am most involved in (or was into) were individual sports. I thought about joining a racquet club to seriously take up tennis again, but have a time problem.

 

Then again... I always say well I'd have more time for carousing and whatever if I didn't have a wife and child, but I wouldn't trade it, and I remember this story... when I was at the DA's office another friend and I just got out of long term relationships. We used to bemoan the fact that we were both tied down and wouldn't it be great if we were single to go hang out. After we had both broken up, we were sitting around one night a few months later, on the floor, playing video games with a pizza. We looked at each other and were like, hunh, so this is what we were waiting for when we were hoping to become single?

[Davenport]

I think it's normal for adulthood. Just a difference in the way women and men are wetwired.

 

Men enjoy friends, but it's not on the front burner, a survival imperative, like it seemed in adolescence.

 

I think adult men are just more content with their own company, or can feel deeply connected to dear friends without constant contact.

 

Lunch yesterday, or a decade ago, they're still considered a close friend.

 

 

[hockey&comicsguy]

After we had both broken up, we were sitting around one night a few months later, on the floor, playing video games with a pizza. We looked at each other and were like, hunh, so this is what we were waiting for when we were hoping to become single?

 

Like the scene in the movie Hall Pass where they basically spend their first night as free men gorging on food at Applebee's and passing out before 10pm.