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The OFFICIAL Cornfield Library lounge area thread. Off topic posts are allowed!
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Started by CGC Mike,

40,645 posts in this topic

onlyweaknesskryptonite

onlyweaknesskryptonite

Posted
Posted
On 11/11/2022 at 10:18 PM, kav said:

So you have a spider man comic for me?
Yes sir I do!
whats it about?
Well its about spider man-people love spider man!
They sure do-is it about anything else?
Not really no
Oh really?
Yes he doesnt fight anyone or anything.
Huh.
But it has a little kid!!
Little kids are TIGHT!
Uh-
Uh-
Whoops.
Whoopsie!
So anyway its about this little kid that loves spider man and one night spider man comes in his room.
I feel like thats kinda creepy tho-and illegal.
Yes sir it is!
So what else happens?
Well, nothing really 'happens' exactly.
I kinda feel like something should happen tho.
Whoops!
Whoopsie!
But spider man talks to the kid!
And the parents dont hear any of this?
No sir they dont!
I kinda feel like they would.
I'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back about this.
Ok lemme get off that thing!
So anyway the kid asks him his secret identity!
And spider man doesnt tell him because that would be stupid, right?
He tells him!
Was it hard for the kid to get him to tell his secret identity?
No it was super easy-barely an inconvenience.
Oh really?  So how does the kid get him to tell his secret identity?
He asks him-TWICE!
Wow that was easy.
Yes so, thats about it-what do you think?
Well it kinda feels like its not really a story tho.
But people love spider man!
I kinda feel like they would love this story even more if something happened tho.
Well sir I could do the thing where the kid is sick or something
Oh sick kids are TIGHT!
Uh-
So what kind of sick are we talking about here?
Well cancer is always good-
Uh-
Uh-ok that didnt come out right-
No, no it didnt.
Also if we put 'im in a cancer clinic with a brick wall that says 'cancer clinic' so everyone knows its a cancer clinic and also then we dont have the parents not hearing and stuff.
Good point ok lets do that!
Done!  we could also have the kid laughing about Jameson paying peter to take pictures of himself!
I kinda feel like a kid wouldnt know the name of the publisher of a newspaper tho.  I mean do you know the publisher of the local paper?
Uh-
Get off your back about this?
Yes!!!
 

20220318_234812.thumb.jpg.13286eb5fb4604dadc8845038fab1a8f.jpg

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Comics4All

Comics4All

Posted
Posted
On 11/11/2022 at 10:18 PM, kav said:

So you have a spider man comic for me?
Yes sir I do!
whats it about?
Well its about spider man-people love spider man!
They sure do-is it about anything else?
Not really no
Oh really?
Yes he doesnt fight anyone or anything.
Huh.
But it has a little kid!!
Little kids are TIGHT!
Uh-
Uh-
Whoops.
Whoopsie!
So anyway its about this little kid that loves spider man and one night spider man comes in his room.
I feel like thats kinda creepy tho-and illegal.
Yes sir it is!
So what else happens?
Well, nothing really 'happens' exactly.
I kinda feel like something should happen tho.
Whoops!
Whoopsie!
But spider man talks to the kid!
And the parents dont hear any of this?
No sir they dont!
I kinda feel like they would.
I'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back about this.
Ok lemme get off that thing!
So anyway the kid asks him his secret identity!
And spider man doesnt tell him because that would be stupid, right?
He tells him!
Was it hard for the kid to get him to tell his secret identity?
No it was super easy-barely an inconvenience.
Oh really?  So how does the kid get him to tell his secret identity?
He asks him-TWICE!
Wow that was easy.
Yes so, thats about it-what do you think?
Well it kinda feels like its not really a story tho.
But people love spider man!
I kinda feel like they would love this story even more if something happened tho.
Well sir I could do the thing where the kid is sick or something
Oh sick kids are TIGHT!
Uh-
So what kind of sick are we talking about here?
Well cancer is always good-
Uh-
Uh-ok that didnt come out right-
No, no it didnt.
Also if we put 'im in a cancer clinic with a brick wall that says 'cancer clinic' so everyone knows its a cancer clinic and also then we dont have the parents not hearing and stuff.
Good point ok lets do that!
Done!  we could also have the kid laughing about Jameson paying peter to take pictures of himself!
I kinda feel like a kid wouldnt know the name of the publisher of a newspaper tho.  I mean do you know the publisher of the local paper?
Uh-
Get off your back about this?
Yes!!!
 

:pullhair:

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kav

kav

Posted
Posted

sick!

25. Throw the book at him

We had a case where opposing counsel was cross-examining our expert witness on hydrology regarding some silt/runoff issues.

“Mr. Smith, wouldn’t you agree that the book I’m holding is highly respected in your field and considered to be the gold standard on the subject?”

Witness: “I am aware that it is highly regarded in my field.”

“Would you be willing to explain, in your own words, what paragraphs 6-10 on page 121 is describing?”

So the witness reads the passage word for word.

“Yes, I can read, but could you put this passage in your own words for the court?”

Witness: “These are my own words. I wrote the book.”

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kav

kav

Posted
Posted

@jaybuck43

 

8. A team effort

Workers comp claim for a back injury that seems suspicious, so they sic a PI on the guy. This is fairly common.

PI comes back with a video of the guy batting softball batting practice, torquing his back over and over. Exactly what he says he can’t do.

Okay, whatever. People get caught all the time.

The camera pans and I can’t believe who is shagging balls in the outfield?

Opposing counsel!

So, ya. Case dropped and the judge took it up with the Bar Association. FIY, for any would-be lawyers out there: you can’t break the law. And you definitely can’t aid and abet your clients while they break the law. It’s right there in the title: lawyer.

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