Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[Joanna]

This thread now has 600 posts -- way cool!

 

[Bronty]

Joanna, I just read 12 1F - what a hoot!! I got a huge kick out of it. Can't wait to read the next chapter!! I am scheming and plotting as we speak... MUAH HA HA!!

 

--Duckworth P Bronty (Professor Nefarious)

 

 

[Joanna]

Joanna, I just read 12 1F - what a hoot!! I got a huge kick out of it. Can't wait to read the next chapter!! I am scheming and plotting as we speak... MUAH HA HA!!

 

--Duckworth P Bronty (Professor Nefarious)

 

 

Thank you, Professor! Thank you for your willingness to step into the story.

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

I finished the rough draft of the first book last night. So in celebration, I decided to give you guys a wee bit more Crisis. It's also a thank you to a certain board member who did something really nice (he knows who he is). So here ya go, boys!

 

Chapter 12, Part 1H: At long, long last!

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

Flying Donut (Flying Donut) Flight

Lighthouse (Lighthouse) eye beams

Spelling Bee (PovertyRow) flight, stinger

Raspberry Toaster Pastry (Darthdeisel) flight, goo

KostumeKween (MajorKhaos) not all that deceased Week Guy (NewtSamson) Lord of Time Stream

Month Guy (Johnny Double) Lord of Time Stream

 

Chapter 12, Part 1H: At long, long last!

 

Flying Donut, Lighthouse, Spelling Bee, Raspberry Toaster Pastry and KostumeKween tumble through the time stream toward the beginning of time. Their freefall is ungainly, uncoordinated, and painful as they bounce off the walls into each other.

 

"Knock it off, Bee!" shouts KK, rubbing the eye that moments ago had been invaded by Bee's elbow.

 

"Like I can help it! Ack! Sorry, 'House."

 

"Gnnnfff!" House grabs his stomach, the wind knocked out of him. The impact sends him hurtling into Donut's groin.

 

"Eeep!" Donut's voice is now a high-pitched squeak. He blacks out, but his body, also reeling from the impact, heads straight toward Bee, who is bounced toward RTP. Bee tries to stop his motion, his hands outthrust. Both hands land, as if targeted, on RTP's chest.

 

"Quit trying to cop a feel, ya damn geezer!" shouts RTP. Unfortunately, Bee's grasp unleashes RTP's powers and she both squirts prodigious amounts of goo and begins spiraling out of control, with Bee still hanging on for dear life.

 

Newt and Jonny ride the time flow comfortably, as if lying on their backs on a rubber raft in a drowsy stream.

 

"Newbies," says Newt.

 

"Tell me about it," says Jonny. He glances downstream and reluctantly readies himself. "Prepare for the landing, people!"

 

"Prepare?" asks House. "How does one--"

 

There is no time to finish his sentence as abruptly, they are all tossed heavily onto a four lane highway in the middle of rush hour traffic. Newt and Jonny casually stroll to the side of the road, miraculously able to avoid any vehicles.

 

The impact has given Donut back his consciousness, so he quickly grabs House, and flies him off the road. Bee manages to squeeze the proper breast to get RTP and himself to safety. KK sees the word "Peterbilt" heading straight for him, and he leaps into the air just in time.

 

"Thank you, powers of Kara. We won't forget you!" he says, straightening his Supergirl costume, and landing gracefully near the group. "So... what's for dinner? I'm starving."

 

"This is the beginning of time?" asks RTP, a little disappointed. "I thought it would be more low tech. This doesn't look any different from the 21st century. Where's the primordial soup?"

 

"Mmm... primordial soup..." Homers KK.

 

"This is the beginning of time, not the start of life on earth. That happens way later. The beginning of time is sort of like Reno, without the gambling."

 

"What's Reno without the gambling?" asks House.

 

"This place. C'mon. We need to get him to the hospital," says Jonny, pointing to Bee.

 

"I agree," says RTP. "We need to have him surgically removed from my breasts!!"

 

"Oops. My bad." Bee removes his hands reluctantly. "She used to be a guy, she used to be a guy..." he repeats under his breath.

 

They begin walking toward a small city on the horizon.

 

"Do we have to walk? These shoes are killing me," says RTP, her stiletto heels sinking into the mud.

 

"Yes. Your powers are useless here," says Newt.

 

"But... we all just flew a moment ago," says Donut.

 

"Don't you recognize a retcon when you hear one?" shouts Jonny. "All of your powers are useless, and always have been since you arrived, so you are to forget everything that happened prior to this moment!" Jonny glares at all the participants until they nod agreement. "Damn continuity freaks," he mutters.

 

"Is that why I'm dressed as a Bee again? I could've sworn I was turned into a Wasp awhile back, but nothing ever came of it."

 

"Stop with your nitpicking, and your inability to accept new things only to have them replaced by old things!"

 

"Do I still get to be called Flying Donut, now that I can't fly?" He begins to hover. "Wait a second... I can fly. A second ago, I couldn't, but--"

 

"The retcon was unpopular, so the retcon got retconned. In the beginning of time things change, you got it? It's the beginning. It's all experimental at this point. Some things work, others don't, nothing has consequences, except for those things that do have consequences, though there's no way to tell which is which because it's the beginning of time. Is that clear?"

 

"Please stop saying 'the beginning of time!'" says Bee.

 

"Do they serve food at the beginning of time?" asks KK, smiling innocently at Bee. "I have to watch my blood sugar, and it's been hours since I've eaten."

 

"Supergirl never had blood sugar problems," says House.

 

"Yeah, well, I ran into some Red Kryptonite last Tuesday. It gave me glucose problems, a trick knee, and turned me into a talking stalk of broccoli for 24 hours."

 

"Bummer."

 

"It happens."

 

"The hospital is just over that hill," says Jonny.

 

The group walks the last few steps and are treated to a wide vista of the city at the beginning of time. The large, white hospital building is clearly visible in the foreground.

 

"What's that?" asks RTP.

 

Running toward them is a giant red blob, being urged on by a frightened young man. Behind them is a murderous-looking gang of biker thugs.

 

"No idea," says Newt. "But they're coming straight for us."

 

To be continued...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Illiterati-migration]

"Mmm... primordial soup..." Homers KK.

 

You coined a verb for me!! My little linguistically-inclined heart flutters!

 

(And congrats on finishing the draft!!! WTG!)

[Joanna]

"Mmm... primordial soup..." Homers KK.

 

You coined a verb for me!! My little linguistically-inclined heart flutters!

 

I had a feeling you'd like that bit of verbal winking.

 

 

(And congrats on finishing the draft!!! WTG!)

 

Thenk yew! Not that I can rest. I have to start book 2 tonight.

[PovertyRow]

KK sees the word "Peterbilt" heading straight for him...

 

"This is the beginning of time, not the start of life on earth. That happens way later. The beginning of time is sort of like Reno, without the gambling."

 

"Damn continuity freaks," he mutters.

 

And the piece of resistance! ... "The retcon was unpopular, so the retcon got retconned...."

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

[Illiterati-migration]

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Well, nobody's perfect!

[PovertyRow]

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Well, nobody's perfect!

 

hmmm...you can be obtuse in your obtuseness

[Illiterati-migration]

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Well, nobody's perfect!

 

hmmm...you can be obtuse in your obtuseness

 

I like to keep you on your fragile, creaky, arthritic toes!

[PovertyRow]

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Well, nobody's perfect!

 

hmmm...you can be obtuse in your obtuseness

 

I like to keep you on your fragile, creaky, arthritic toes!

 

Danged pup! And lettuce not hijack too much Joanna's fine effort? Agreed?

[Illiterati-migration]

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Well, nobody's perfect!

 

hmmm...you can be obtuse in your obtuseness

 

I like to keep you on your fragile, creaky, arthritic toes!

 

Danged pup! And lettuce not hijack too much Joanna's fine effort? Agreed?

 

Consider me considerate!

[PovertyRow]

Consider me considerate!

 

I always have...and now...back to Crisis posts!

[Joanna]

KK sees the word "Peterbilt" heading straight for him...

 

"This is the beginning of time, not the start of life on earth. That happens way later. The beginning of time is sort of like Reno, without the gambling."

 

"Damn continuity freaks," he mutters.

 

And the piece of resistance! ... "The retcon was unpopular, so the retcon got retconned...."

 

Joanna - there are some mighty fine thangs going on there! Made me laugh a week's worth of oxygen into me!

 

Thanks so much, Pov! I love it when I get quotes.

 

Btw, the retcon stuff was spurred by a memory I have of an issue of Wonder Woman. On page 1, everything is as it always had been: she lands on Paradise Island, all superpowers intact. By the end of the book, we're told that she has no powers on PI, and never, ever has in her whole life. The complete lack of logic inherent in this "Now you see them -- No, you don't and never did!" bit of revisionist tomfoolery made my head fall off and roll away.

 

Ah, what we comic book fans put up with.

 

-- Joanna

[lighthouse]

So I am sitting there in the shop, waiting for the weekly shipment to be delivered, and I decide to reread the entire Crisis story from the beginning...

 

My UPS man showed up a little early, so I only made it partway through Issue 10 before I had to get back to work (which as near as I can tell is about 1/3 of the way through the story), but this classic line uttered by bronzebruce made me laugh hard enough to scare away a customer...

 

"We're CGC forum members. Men of action. Perfect physical specimens with classic good looks, moral fibre that knows right from wrong, and a selfless will to save others. It should get us some chicks, too."

 

This story is just getting better with age...

[Illiterati-migration]

LMAO... and how that never made it into someone's sig line I'll never know!

[Joanna]

So I am sitting there in the shop, waiting for the weekly shipment to be delivered, and I decide to reread the entire Crisis story from the beginning...

 

Cool! Let me know how it ends.

 

My UPS man showed up a little early, so I only made it partway through Issue 10 before I had to get back to work (which as near as I can tell is about 1/3 of the way through the story), but this classic line uttered by bronzebruce made me laugh hard enough to scare away a customer...

 

Even I've never actually read the thing straight through, so kudos to you. When it's all finished, I plan to do a final read-through with editing (rewrite the beginning to fit the narrative, etc). But that appears to be a ways off even though I'm on the last issue. My numbering sucks.

 

"We're CGC forum members. Men of action. Perfect physical specimens with classic good looks, moral fibre that knows right from wrong, and a selfless will to save others. It should get us some chicks, too."

 

This story is just getting better with age...

 

Thanks, 'House! Ya gave me a case of the warm and fuzzies. And possibly a small rash.

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

LMAO... and how that never made it into someone's sig line I'll never know!

 

I can't recall any lines from crisis in sig lines, though we could always start a trend.

[Joanna]

As promised, one last bit of Crisis for the hollidays.

 

Issue 12, Part 2A: Still Lost in Time

 

Solar Powers in the Time of Dinosaurs

 

Mercury (Dam60) flight, heat, speed

Venus (CosmicBob) flight, love

Earth (Ubiquiti) flight, power over dirt

Mars (Mushroom) flight, warrior skills

Uranus (Old Guy) flight, noxious scent

Saturn (Odin) flight, energy rings

Jupiter (BronzeBruce) flight, gas

Neptune (Zonker) flight, water

Pluto (hkp) flight, ice

 

Issue 12, Part 2A: Still Lost in Time

 

The planets step lightly over the fried carcass of the T-Rex. They hear some distant roaring and realize that the smell of freshly roasted meat is drawing a crowd.

 

"Dinos at 2 o'clock -- and they're wearing bibs!" says Pluto.

 

"Time to hover?" asks Neptune.

 

"Up, up, and orbit!" shouts Jupiter as the thundering footsteps of hungry carnivores draws near.

 

The planets launch themselves skyward just as a family of raptors arrives.

 

"Count off!" shouts Jupiter.

 

"Mercury!"

 

"Venus!"

 

"Earth!"

 

"Mars!"

 

"Saturn!"

 

"Jupiter!"

 

"Neptune!"

 

"Pluto!"

 

There's a moment of silence while everyone glances at his fingers. "That was only eight," says Jupiter. "Who didn't count off?"

 

"Hmmm... let's see... there was me, Venus, Earth, Mars... um..."

 

"Uranus!" says Saturn.

 

"Shut up, Saturn, I'm trying to count. This is no time for stupid butt jokes."

 

"Look below, Braniac."

 

Mercury glances down at the T-Rex carcass and sees Uranus is growling at a family of raptors. "What the blazes are you doing, you insufficiently_thoughtful_person?" Merc shouts.

 

"They're after our kill!" answers Uranus. "I'm keeping them at bay with my powers of noxious scent, but I fear they like it. It does rather resemble rotting eggs and week-old meat -- with just a hint of skunk for flavor." A raptor leaps at Uranus, but he ducks out of the way. "It's mine, I tell you! Shoo!"

 

"Get up here, now!" shouts Jupiter.

 

Uranus pulls out his keys and uses the tiny little Swiss Army knife keychain to cut the T-Rex meat. He lets off another blast of noxious scent while his back is turned, and the raptors start leaping around in ecstasy.

 

"I think the one on the left is in love," says Mars.

 

Saturn shoots off an energy ring and knocks down a raptor that was closing to within inches of Uranus. "Got him!"

 

The other raptors look around, confused. They sniff their fallen comrade, then begin eating him.

 

"Almost done..." says Uranus, cutting the last edge of an enormous haunch of meat. "There!" He turns around only to find himself eye to eye with a raptor. "Niiiice, doggy..." Quickly, he leaps into the air just as the raptor rakes the air where he'd been standing with his enormous toe claw. "Ha! Missed me! Suckaaah!"

 

"Very mature," says Pluto.

 

"What did you think you were doing?" asks Venus, when Uranus takes his orbiting position.

 

"I'm hungry. Besides, who else has ever had grilled T-Rex?"

 

"What does it taste like?" asks Saturn.

 

"Tastes like chicken. Guess they really are the ancestors of birds."

 

"I want some," says Earth.

 

"No way! I almost gave my life for this happy meal!" says Uranus, guarding the huge chunk of T-Rex. "Hey, Merc -- could you give this a little more flame? It's a tad pinkish."

 

"Only if you give me half."

 

"A quarter."

 

"Deal."

 

"Whoa! I asked first!" says Earth.

 

"Yeah, but he's got the power of the Bar-B-Que."

 

Mercury sticks his tongue out at Earth, carefully flames the meat and takes his portion. "Wow, that's delicious!"

 

"Please share," says Earth in a tiny voice.

 

"I hate it when you get all pathetic. Here, you can have one bite." Merc hands him the haunch.

 

Earth takes a bite. "Rrooh! Faffaashick!"

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

 

"Look!" shouts Jupiter. "I think I see cave men!"

 

"Impossible," says Mars. "Cave men never lived in the time of dinosaurs."

 

"Tell that to those Neanderthals over there."

 

A tribe of Neanderthals is gathered around a fire, feasting on fresh Mammoth.

 

"That doesn't make any sense."

 

"They always had cave men with dinosaurs in the comics," says Pluto, helpfully.

 

"That's right!" says Saturn. "Comics never cared about historical accuracy. So what does this mean? Are we back in time or are we in some sort of bizarre comic book come to life?"

 

"Who cares? I recognize some of those guys!" says Venus. "Check out the spandex -- it's the Hostess Hoard!"

 

"Holy cow -- it is! What are they doing here?" asks Neptune.

 

"This is so wrong. There shouldn't be cave men and there really shouldn't be superheroes with cave men."

 

"Maybe they've found the time portal?" asks Mercury.

 

"Let's go ask them," says Jupiter. "Solar Powers -- follow me!"

 

"Yeah, like we wouldn't know where to go if you weren't leading us." Uranus takes another bite. "Who wants the rest of this? I don't want to fill up in case we get to try mammoth."

 

Earth takes the rest of the haunch happily. "Mmmm... T-Rex."

 

Happily orbiting their way toward the Neanderthals, the Solar Powers barely notice a small "whoosh!" as they cross from one world to another.

 

To be continued

 

 

[lighthouse]

To be continued

 

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? ...

 

Sorry... sometimes the 5-year-old inside me takes over...