Please don't try to make "continuity sense" of this.

It simply won't work...

I just needed to hear that song.

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So, yes... here we are at Sunday night.

"Okay, how in the hell do you go from Glen Campbell to Shane MacGowan?!"

Yeah, that is a weird transition, I guess.

It's funny hearing this on the Witchita Lineman video...

"I'm Glen Campbell and I'm happy to be here."

I love that whole video.

So, yes... here we are at Sunday night.

The beginning of the end...

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To be continued concluded.

Looking back at my posts from that night of August 6th into the early morning hours of August 7th is like looking though a kaleidoscope. 

None of it makes sense but at the same time, I can see what I want to see within it...

Monday morning...

My wife and I got up and proceeded to go out to a local thrift store where we would routinely go on Monday mornings.  

On this day of the week, a group would come in and stock the store so it was the ideal time to go in there to see what new items might arrive.  In the past, we had found a lot of items there to resell at our antique booth.  It's amazing what people toss away or in better terms, donate.  Probably the most unique item we found there was this Victorian era religious shadowbox celebrating Pope Pius IX's golden episcopal jubilee.  I've actual found two of these, one complete (although one of the pieces has come detached inside the shadowbox and one lone center piece which I have for sale at our booth.  Another interesting item that I found here was a complete, unopened fire-engine decanter containing Jim Beam Bourbon from 1978 and this great 1970's Allan Agohobb Charlie Chaplain "Toilets" sign.

Here are some other pictures of our booth with some of the items for sale...

We would normally get to the thrift store around 10am and on this Monday (August, 7th), it wasn't any different than any of the numerous other Mondays we had gone there. 

My wife and I had found a lot of items on that morning... we had accumulated a cart full of items that looked promising to resell.

I was looking up some comparable pricing on my phone when I got a call from my younger daughter.  When we left the house, that morning, she was still sleeping so when I saw her calling, I assumed she wanted us to pick up something for her although normally, she would just text me.

It was 10:53 am...

(-0 hours : 7 minutes)

I answered the call from my daughter.  She told me that her aunt (my sister-in-law) had just called her after trying to call my wife.  Apparently my wife unknowingly had her phone volume turned down which was in her purse.  Anyways, my daughter told me that her aunt had just received a call from her son (my nephew) who worked with my (step) son and couldn't get a hold of him as he was scheduled to work with him that morning.  I simply told my daughter that I would take care of it and thanked her for calling me.  She said she had gone downstairs from her room when she had waken up and realized that we had gone to the store as the Jeep wasn't in the driveway.

My wife was a few aisles away, so after I hung up the phone, I found my wife and asked her for David's key to his apartment... he had given her a copy in case he ever lost his or locked himself out which had happened before.  I told her that her sister had tried to call because our nephew couldn't get a hold of him.  She gave me the key and told me to let her know what's going on when I got to his place.  From where we were, his apartment was just down the road, not even 4 minutes away.

I left the store and drove down to his apartment. 

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(If you're reading this, Rob... thank you so much for the Redbreast 12.  You know, there's a scene in one of those endoftheworld movies in which this guy pulls a bottle out which he had saved for such an event.  Well, I think this bottle fits the bill here.)

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When I got to his apartment (it's a large house converted into 4 separate units), I saw an ambulance in front of the house.  I wasn't startled by that because David had some health issues before which I was very aware of as I helped him through all of that.  It was what I saw secondly that shocked me and ultimately, it was the third thing I saw that forced me to haphazardly park the Jeep and run up to the door. 

After the ambulance, I saw my nephew and his girlfriend standing outside in the yard... it looked like he was crying but my eyes quickly shifted to the two police officers standing in the front door way.

I ran past my nephew asking what the hell was going?!  I was terrified now as I ran up the stairs to where the officers were standing... asking again, "What was going on?!".  I told the officers that my son was in there as I pushed through them to get inside. (And there it was... for 33 years, I kept my role as a "step-father", but in this moment... this sliver of time, that charade was over. David was my son and I was his father.  He told me as much numerous times but I always diluted it in so much out of some ambiguous act of 'respect'.)

When I pushed through the officers, I was now in David's living room where I saw him.

...

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Table fan running.

TV still on - tuned to a streaming service.

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The two police officers gently escorted me out... I can't remember what I said to them. 

They explained that because this was an 'unattended death' (meaning - not witnessed), it was handled as a crime scene until the detectives and medical examiner could arrive. 

It was very difficult at this moment to make sense of any of this.  I hugged my nephew and his girlfriend.  I don't think I spoke a word. 

I spoke to the paramedics there... asking them what the hell the cops meant by an unattended death and why I couldn't go back inside. 

After some minutes, I told one of the officers that I had to go get David's mother.

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Second to seeing my son deceased, this was the worst thing I've ever been a part of.

God help me... I never thought I would ever have to type out such a horrid recount of events.

I just wanted to write and illustrate children's books at one time.

This is as far as I can go.

My dear friend Rob knows the whole story... as does a very, very select few of my family members. 

This story turns dark in a way that I can't talk about, but I'll be able to illustrate in time. Mere days after this happened, something, or someone told me what I had to do.  And I did... at a cost.

I wasn't much of a religious person prior to this, but that's quickly changed.

There is good and evil in this world.

There is dark and light.

And there is, and has been, this perpetual battle between the two.

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In conclusion...

My amazing summer.

From greeting my younger daughter on her return from Japan in NJ... to "Santa Claus Coal Town"... to touching history with 'BlueCoal'... to Pittsburgh and PulpFest. 

From the Shadow to Anthony Tollin to the new union contract... it's now all connected and tied to this tragic and devastating ending. 

One which turned me into a person I don't even recognize anymore. 

Following my son's death, I took care of everything... I call it the business of death and yes, my friends, it's disgusting. 

But, as strange as it is - there are some parts of this 'business', that can offer consolation.

There was a service offered to me that at first, I was very disturbed by it.  This service allows you to order jewelry based off of your departed's finger prints.  At first, like I said, I wasn't too fond of this idea but the closer we got to my son's birthday (being the week before Christmas), the more I felt that this was what we, as a family, needed.

So, I ordered four of these necklaces.

(The Fantastic Four)

One each for my wife, my older and younger daughters, and myself.

As we got together to celebrate his birthday, I gave these gifts out... as from David.

Because they were.

They cost around $325 each but again, I felt like it was what we all needed under these circumstances.

I pray I was correct in that thought.

That night, following these horrific events, with my head swimming in thoughts, I stayed up late and sat outside all night drinking and smoking cigars... I lost track of how many but there was a reason.  Ultimately, my wife had to bring me inside the house to finally go to sleep. 

It was maybe 4 or 5 in the morning.

You see, that night... I had been talking to David and seeing him in intervals.  It was like he would be there right there in front of me and then he'd leave for a little bit and then he'd be right back there in front of me again.  Strangely, a neighborhood cat sat with me as well that night and would do the same.  He would sit with me for a while and then explore for a bit and then return.  It was such a strange experience.

(Maybe it was due to the Scotch and Cigars... or maybe not.)

Ultimately, when my wife came out to tell me that I needed to go to bed to sleep... I told her that I didn't want to go because I felt like I would miss David's next return. 

I had to explain to her that he kept coming back and I just had to wait.

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Yeah, it was basically this...

Find peace David Jeffrey...

Back to here...

In the days and weeks that followed, reality seemed to turn and twist in a way that I can't accurately describe.  There was a lot darkness... that I know for sure.  And as it approaches 6 months since this tragic event, it is still very much the same.  I remembered that just weeks before this all happened, I had tried to get David a replacement copy of New Mutants #98, the first appearance of Deadpool- his favorite Marvel character.  I remembered that I tried three times to secure a copy before PulpFest but didn't succeed. 

Well, I'm not sure if I did this for him, or for myself, but I followed through and bought this copy for him.

I'm not sure if was my intention, but the copy I found, matched the grade of my copy of Wolverine #88.

I thought back to the day the news broke of Hugh Jackman being a part of Deadpool 3 and texting David to tell him.  We were both very excited for this movie and whenever rumors or leaks would come out, we would be sure to share them with each other.

But now...

Does any of this matter anymore?

I'm afraid the answer is, No.

No, it doesn't.

But here is where something turned in me... I'm sure psychologists would have a term to identify this as one of the stages of extreme grief.

I think it started with this purchase.  In some fashion, trying to piece everything back together.

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"I got you a replacement copy, David. 

It's not a CGC 9.4, but it looks pretty good..."

This commercial features, in my opinion, one of the best renditions of this appropriate song...

In the weeks that followed, we had so much to take care of while trying to maintain some footing on what was now our new reality.  This proved to be near impossible but the four of us managed through each other and our extended family's support.  Of course we had to talk to his landlord and I was able to tell him that we would like to continue to pay the rent and utilities as we would need some time to sort through everything as best as we could.  My older daughter was able to find David's book of passwords which allowed me to access his utility and internet supplier accounts along with some other accounts.  I was once again crushed when I saw that he had made payment arrangements through the utility company in order to catch up from when he was out of work and to also see that he had just paid his internet bill on that Saturday... just a day before this all happened. 

David had so many collections in and around the apartment.  He kept everything that ever meant something to him.  Sadly, when I was going through his comics, I saw what I had known and feared for some time... any comic that was of current value was nowhere to be found as that was all stolen some time ago.  There were comics that I new he had, because I had bought them for him that were gone as well as some non-sports trading cards.  It was only a couple of years earlier when I was over there and he was showing me (as he referred to it) his Bible... these were binders of Marvel trading cards. 

In the early to mid 90's, I would take him to the comic store to buy these cards... everything from the Impel Marvel cards to the Skybox Marvel Masterpieces.  As these were what was left of his 'prized possessions', those binders were the first that my wife and I removed from the apartment so they wouldn't somehow disappear.  We weren't sure who else had keys to the apartment as he had a few different roommates over the years.

He also was very fond of his Funko Pop! collection too.  It had only been a few months since I took him to the mall and convinced him to get the Khonshu Pop! and the Kate (Kitty) Pryde Pop!  He had been searching for the Zombie Mysterio figure.  That was his top priority of ones he wanted to get.

I got one for him and was going to give it to him this Christmas...

Some of the other collections he had were binders of Magic : The Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.  Some years ago, maybe 20, David would write as a contributor to the one of the card game magazines.  It might've been Shonen Jump but I'm not 100 percent certain on that.  He really seemed to enjoy that time and I always encouraged him to try and get back in to that type of thing as it seemed to give him a sense of satisfaction and I believe he found it rewarding.  Unfortunately, his years working at a few different pubs and taverns, drained him of his time, energy and health.

Anyways, I don't know the first things about these card games so I brought the binders to my favorite LCS where I have a good relationship with the owner as I've written about here, numerous times.  Upon going through these, I was informed that most of the cards were in the value range of $2-$3 dollars with a few select ones up between $5-$10 dollars.  I was told that I should just hang on to the binders, which is what I was intending on doing from the start, but what I wanted to do was to sadly confirm my suspicions... that being pretty much anything and everything that had some value, was stolen from David over the past few years.

Once I got to the number of long boxes, it became very apparent to me just what kind of collector David was.  I found comics that I had bought for him with the original bags and boards from 30 years ago as I tried to show him the methods of keeping these comics in a preservative manner.  In stark contrast to these comics I had got for him that he held on to, were his books.  His well loved and well read issues of some of his favorite titles.  That was what stood out to me, David didn't collect comics as a hobby to collect comics... he loved his comics. 

He loved the characters and the stories within. That was obvious.

I removed a number of issues of his favorite titles from when he was young boy, a few years before I entered the picture. 

These titles were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Masters of the Universe.

My wife was in the living room going through some papers when I brought these books in and I had to tell her my observation.  Of course she already knew this but here was direct evidence of how important these comics were to him and how much he loved them.  I showed her the copy of Masters of the Universe #1 and the condition it was in.  She told me that she bought him all of the MOTU and Turtles comics when she would take him to the grocery store with her... she said that she would find those books all over the apartment they were in as wherever he was or whatever he was doing, those comics were always right there with him.

Of course I returned back into his bedroom now in tears as I continued to sort through these treasured comics.

The next day I went back to my LCS and got a Deadpool comic box, some bags and boards and then I spent that evening placing each one in a new bag with backing board.

I would now try to take care of these as he would want me to.

One interesting little side story to this was something I touched on a few posts ago.  There was one book that I had given David that survived, perhaps it got overlooked by whoever pillaged his collection.  A good example of what I mean by this is David had a run of Batman Adventures in these boxes... issues #1 to #15.  What was missing?  Of course issue #12 and the first Harley Quinn which could potentially have been a $500-$1000 book.  So, as I was saying, this book was still in David's collection but I would have placed a bet for money that I had bought this copy for Rob.

Nope... I had bought it for David. 

The ironic thing is when Rob and I got together, before our Christmas get-together, Rob said he had found a book that he had purchased for me around 10 years ago and had just found it.

I just thought that was a great story to share here.

David's copy...

The copy Rob got for me...

And on the day that Rob gave me this copy at the brewery we were at, these two pinball machines were right there in the back.

Two of David's favorites. 

I think he wanted to be there with us on that afternoon.

Drinking beers, talking comics and playing awesome pinball games...

We didn't have a funeral service for David, instead we decided to hold a memorial at his place of employment, a bar and restaurant just a few houses down from his apartment.  Everyone there was very upset at the news of his passing and like I wrote earlier, David worked with his cousin at the tavern.  We were able to talk the owner of the place and he was more than gracious with offering us their catering / event room for whatever afternoon we wanted to do this remembrance / memorial.  We chose the date for the end of August as that would give us some time to prepare and do whatever we needed in preparation. 

Almost immediately following his death, I mentioned that something or someone was telling me that I needed to do something... that idea, those images consumed me as I spent many nights sitting at the desk, sketching, writing, thinking and reading.  An idea was starting to emerge but I felt I was under time constraints on this for some reason.  In addition to this, there was also another idea that entered my mind simultaneously and once it took root, it seemed to have a life of it's own. My wife and older daughter had mentioned wanting to put together a board of pictures type of thing but I figured that even though I wasn't sure how it would get done, I thought that I could put together a video type of slide show with music.  Music had been a very important aspect of his life and he would often share with me many new genres and sounds that appealed to him.  Some of it, I ended up liking very much and would listen to some of it regularly.  

As we went through David's apartment, we found so many notebooks.  Notebooks filled with his thoughts and so many lists.  He loved to make lists.  Lists ranging from characters on World of Warcraft to Marvel Contest of Champions (two games we consistently played on line together) to lists of music that he liked, vegetables he needed to buy for his health... ways the world would end in time... the value of certain sciences... and on and on.   There were also numerous sketches of monsters, heroes and designs.  I thought that some of these should be included in this video as it all added up to the sum of David for what those closest to him, knew.

As I looked at his list of music, it was the last one listed that grabbed me immediately as it was not only one of my favorites, but just the perfect background to grab everyone as they saw these images fading in and out.

Telefon Tel Aviv - Fahrenheit Fair Enough

I already had the software to pull this together and it was simply right here on my phone.  As these strange events seemed to line up in some construction of madness over the course of the summer... one of the last things I did prior to going to PulpFest was fashioning a retro advertisement for 'Bluecoal' utilizing my 1936 RCA.  Before our trip to Pittsburgh, I had spent a few days playing around with the software and getting familiar with it while realizing just how intuitive it was.

I knew I could use this to construct the video I wanted and so everyday, I would add some elements and make edits.  The track I was using was about 6 and a half minutes long so I assembled enough pictures to include throughout the song.  Well like I said, this kind of grew a life of its own, my wife would find pictures for me to add and then my older daughter would... and then I would find some more pictures on an older phone of mine that I wanted to import in.  So what was originally 6 plus minutes had now grown to 23 minutes with overlapping tracks to account for the looping of the initial track.

After having it completed and having watched it numerous times... and breaking down each and every time - maybe it was David, but something kind of was nagging at me.

The last movie I had taken David to see was the awesome Guardians of the Galaxy 3. 

We both liked that movie a lot but in my mind, I kept going back to that last end credit scene with Star-Lord...

Again, maybe it was David's influence but I thought that he would love for that to be the 'end credit' scene of this memorial video. 

Of course, I couldn't really do that as no one out side of my wife and two daughters would get it.

But as quickly as I cast that idea aside, another one sprung up where at the end of this incredibly sad video, I could do a type of end credit scene.  As the final bars of Fairenheit Fair Enough fade out, I could do a projector glitch type of effect which brings in another song with a very slow camera pan-out of David's final resting place.  Call it serendipity if that's the right word to use here but I had the perfect song.

When David started getting into alternative music and such, this was probably around 25 years ago, I told him about my introduction to Depeche Mode in high school in the early to mid 80's.  I explained how they kind of brought in this new type of industrial sound.  Over the years, he listened to some, liked some and always seemed to speak about them with repect for the pioneers that they were for that time.

And so...

Memento Mori

(Remember you must die)

This was Depeche Mode's latest album following the death of Andrew Fletcher in May of 2022.  The title of the album couldn't have spoken any more loudly to me and this one track, Ghosts Again, was the perfect ending for this video.  When I had the entire video completed and edited to exactly where I wanted it, I felt that it would leave a lasting impression on those in attendance. 

I was able to upload the video and then through the internet, I was able to stream it on their AV system that was set up in this room.  It was displayed on two large screen TV's and I had it looped for the entire three hours that we were there.

That video became my parting gift to my son... I think he would've liked it.

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We had this memorial mostly catered by the tavern which was very nice but we also added some of our own touches such as these custom ordered Deadpool cookies. 

We had a lot of those left over and so we donated them to a local grade school that a relative of ours went to.

The bar side of the tavern had 'drink chips' that you could purchase, which allow someone to exchange the 'poker type chip' for a drink at the bar of their choice and so I took about a dozen of David's Marvel cards (the duplicates, of which there were many) and placed a chip in with a Marvel card inside a clear sleeve.  I handed those out to those in attendance that were closest to David.

At the end of this event, I felt like I was in another state of existence.

We had been there for three hours talking with friends and relatives but as my wife and I left the tavern, I turned to her and said, "What the hell did we just do?"...

What we did was something that we should not have had to do and we both knew it and felt it.

There is no way to convey what the days and nights were like for us as a family, from that horrible day at the beginning of the month to this day of remembrance at the end of the month. 

To sum it up... it was Hell... for my dear wife, and my beautiful daughters. 

My older daughter (obviously) had a relationship with David that you'd expect, as a direct sibling, so that was a separate grief that we tried our best to work through and then my younger daughter, who was just days away from resuming her studies at college, shared a different type of relationship with him... she knew him for 20+ years but the two of them, somehow, shared a familiar personality that they could both easily bounce off of one another. 

As for me, well... at times I felt like I was two different people at once.

That's something I can't explain and won't even try. 

I certainly had these images in my head - thoughts that I can't explain.

Maybe some would call these 'messages'.

Others would call it an over active imagination... take your pick.

Regardless, after purchasing that copy of New Mutants #98 for my son, I was so very close to 'closing out' my collection... my hobby... my interests.  In other words - nothing seemed to matter anymore.  I seriously thought about hanging it up and selling off everything (once again) and just keeping a few books that could serve to 'tell my story' at some point in time.  That lowly copy of NM98 would certainly be a keystone in that story.  But just as I was trying to sort through all of these crazy thoughts - something else happened which took me a while to understand what exactly it was.

I'll get to that in time, but shortly after purchasing that New Mutants #98, I picked up another book. 

I was sitting here at my computer on one of those dark nights in (now) September and this thought popped in my head as I was thinking of David.  You see, in this Marvel Contest of Champions mobile game that we had been playing for years (David was the one that introduced me to the game), one of his favorite characters in the game was Annihilus.

He told me that he was a good 'Defender' (obviously, you would've had to played the game in order to know what he meant by that), but he liked the character's game play, animations and sound effects. 

And so one night... I hopped on to eBay to see what was going one with that book.

'That Book', being Fantastic Four Annual #6 from 1968. 

A couple of years ago, it was one of the hottest books, as speculation was running rampant on both the Fantastic Four and certain A and B list villains of theirs.  Despite all of that, the featured story in that issue is one of my favorites... it's quite unique and I just have to say, you would have to read it to understand.  Simply as a stand alone story, it's great... but when you factor in where the MCU could be heading or rather, what they could be able to utilize right now... it gets even better!  And so, while I was mindlessly scrolling through eBay listings, this one book actually stood out to me. 

Not only was the price very attractive, there was also a story to be told about where this particular copy originated from.

From what I could discern, this copy that I was looking at was from an O/O (Original Owner) collection.  Not only that, but the original owner actually wrote a short story describing his youth and buying and collecting comics.  For me, this wasn't just a selling point, it was a must read... after a must purchase.

This Fantastic Four Annual #6 at a nice mid grade of CGC 5.5 was the first of a few books I picked up from this seller on eBay.

Not only could I easily relate this book to David through the first appearance of Annihilus, but it's also the birth of Franklin Richards... the son of Reed and Sue Richards.

So, yeah...

I was so close here to asking for an intermission when I thought of something else...

My dear older daughter, Lisa.

We share a lot in common in terms of our personalities and such... many of which I've tried to explain to her. 

But when I think back to some of my fondest memories, it's when she 'graduated' to the status of an adult and we would go Christmas shopping for the family. 

One night in particular will always bring us plenty of laughs as I took her to Rochester, NY of all places. 

Anyways, she had a rough spot there for many of her adult years but I always tried to be there for her like I was for David... sometimes, maybe more so.

I once told her that this song, would always (and will always), remind me of her...

(Yeah, here's my intermission...)