You were better off continuing to stay silent while hopefully working on a resolution than posting any of this. What an unfortunate rant.
I think everyone here can relate to having serious issues that hamper us in our daily lives, both personal and business. I think everyone here has likely made mistakes and had to learn lessons the hard way. That you think no one here has any empathy or sympathy, that everyone is just dragging your name through the mud or here to kick you around, is nonsense. Just stop it.
You clearly have too many balls in the air if refunding the relatively small amounts of money being discussed in the thread is this much of a burden on you. That, too, is understandable as everyone is human. It happens.
I checked your ebay feed. You've got great books listed there. Get some of them sold and make things right with the people on this forum who trusted you enough to engage in dealing with you.
That's it. Don't talk about it, don't cry about it, don't make more excuses about it.
Get some of the books in your possession sold as quickly as possible and settle your debts here.
If you cannot, won't, or just plain don't do that then I think you deserve more than just the probation list.
I hope you get things worked out. You HAVE been around a long time and I can see that a mountain of crud coming down on you at once has made life tough.
But life is tough, and it ain't anybody else's problem. That's the deal. That's life.