How many board members outside of US and Canada are there?

[MrBedrock]

The Pope visited Nashville on his last swing through the states. After Sunday's mass a local member of the church was put in charge of driving the limo used to get the Pope back to the hotel. On the way there the Pope said "Please pull over. It has been a long time since I have had a chance to drive." Well who is going to say "No" to the Pope? So off they go, The Pope speeding around like he's on the Autobahn. Spotted by a Tennessee trooper they get pulled over. The trooper walks up to the limo, takes one look at the driver, and heads back to his patrol car to call his supervisor.

"Sir, you said to call first if I ever pull over someone important. Well I have a doozy!"

"Who you got, the Governor?"

"No sir, this is way bigger than that."

"What, you got the President?"

"Nope, Bigger."

"Son, The only person bigger than the President is Pope."

"Sir, this guy is so big The Pope is his driver!"

 

 

[Straw-Man]

The Pope visited Nashville on his last swing through the states. After Sunday's mass a local member of the church was put in charge of driving the limo used to get the Pope back to the hotel. On the way there the Pope said "Please pull over. It has been a long time since I have had a chance to drive." Well who is going to say "No" to the Pope? So off they go, The Pope speeding around like he's on the Autobahn. Spotted by a Tennessee trooper they get pulled over. The trooper walks up to the limo, takes one look at the driver, and heads back to his patrol car to call his supervisor.

"Sir, you said to call first if I ever pull over someone important. Well I have a doozy!"

"Who you got, the Governor?"

"No sir, this is way bigger than that."

"What, you got the President?"

"Nope, Bigger."

"Son, The only person bigger than the President is Pope."

"Sir, this guy is so big The Pope is his driver!"

 

 

the church was in such turmoil, the cardinals didn't think the global congregation would accept a vote on the new pope. the dying pope was much beloved, however. the cardinals convinced him the ONLY way for the church to remain predominant was for the pope to actually father a child and have a bloodline succession. the pope accepted it, but on three conditions: the girl would have to be blind, so she couldn't see it was the holy father doing the deed. she would have to be deaf, so she couldn't even hear who the father was, and third, she had to have 'da bigga tits.

[DrWatson]

How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three, one to screw it in, one to call it a tradition and the other to lead the yell, "Screw The Hell Outta the Lightbulb!"

 

How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.

 

How many Rice students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to relieve the stress of screwing it in by running naked through campus.

 

How many TCU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four, one to call Daddy to do it and the other three to find the perfect coordinating J Crew outfits.

 

How many Texas Tech students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All of them: One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to try desperately to establish a rivalry with the other Big XII schools in lightbulb screwing.

 

How many University of Houston students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They don't want the gangs to know they're in there.

 

How many Baylor students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They haven't received electricity yet in Waco.

 

How many SMU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, one to make the martinis and the other to hire someone else to screw the bulb in.

[gaz973]

:frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated: :frustrated:

[DrWatson]

Hey Garry.

[gaz973]

Hey Garry.

 

Hi Jim (I think) :hi:

[DrWatson]

Do you have a joke you would like to contribute to the thread?

[gaz973]

I can never remember jokes. If I hear a good one, I try to remember it but it's gone within a week. I haven't heard a really good joke in ages.

 

Since you hijacked the thread, I want to hear the A list stuff.

[DrWatson]

Technically, Bedrock hijacked the thread. I can't post the A list stuff here. There would be too many words *spooned* out.

[gaz973]

Technically, Bedrock hijacked the thread. I can't post the A list stuff here. There would be too many words *spooned* out.

 

I believe you are correct that it was that goddam Bedrock that started this major derailment. Pity about the A list stuff though, I guess it loses a lot in the *spooning*

[DrWatson]

A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his tatties (a Scots word for potatoes). An American farmer looked over the fence and said

"In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger than that!"

 

The Scotsman replied " Ah, but here we grow them for our own mouths!"

 

And now that we have a segue...

 

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTURD!!!!"

 

 

[gaz973]

I appreciate the British theme. (thumbs u

[MrBedrock]

More derailment

 

A Texan, hobbled and on crutches, enters a bar, sits down and orders a beer. Looking around, he sees a familiar face in the corner and says to the waitress, "Would you please get Jesus over there a beer on me". A little later a Tennessean with the same malady hobbles in, and upon spotting Jesus also orders him a beer. Jesus, finishing his beers, approaches the Texan, thanks him and touches him on the shoulder. Miraculously the Texan, completely cured, hops up and, thanking Jesus, runs out of the bar ecstatic.

Jesus then approaches the Tennessean who, seeing the prior miracle, shouts, "don't touch me, I'm on disability!"

[DrWatson]

There was a Texan, a Tennessean and Dolly Parton sitting together in a train going through the Smoky Mountains. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights and it went completely dark. Suddenly there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Dolly Parton and the Tennessean were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Texan had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

 

The Texan was thinking: 'That Tennessee fella must have kissed Dolly Parton and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

 

Dolly Parton was thinking: 'That Texas fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Tennessean and got slapped for it.'

 

And the Tennessean was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that Texas basturd again.

[chromium]

So...few questions for you out of towners. Wondering how you got started collecting American comics. Are they widely distributed outside North America? I have a few pence copies of early Silver age so I know they have been distributed in UK. Also wondering if there are many comic stores carrying American back issues. I'm feeling like a road trip.

 

If you mean comic stores selling back issues older than 1990 I don't think there is a single one in my entire country.

When I was a kid living in Belgium I had to take a boat to the Uk just to get my hands on US comics (pence priced) and when the comics went direct market and the newsagents stopped selling them that was over as well, as none of the coastal towns in the UK had comic shops.

When I lived in the Uk for a short time in the 70's I thought I was in heaven, alas I bought more UK weekly comics than US comics

 

I have loved US comics for ever but during the first 35 years or so of my life I only managed to acquire about 250 or so...no keys, and almost never any sequential issues.

 

Maybe that's why once I found this forum I started collecting like crazy to get complete runs of all the major Marvel titles

[gaz973]

The amount of comic shops in the UK stocking decent back issues seems to have declined rapidly since ebay caught on. Now most of them only have back issue sections with overstock from the last couple of years and 90's drek.

[thehumantorch]

So...few questions for you out of towners. Wondering how you got started collecting American comics. Are they widely distributed outside North America? I have a few pence copies of early Silver age so I know they have been distributed in UK. Also wondering if there are many comic stores carrying American back issues. I'm feeling like a road trip.

 

If you mean comic stores selling back issues older than 1990 I don't think there is a single one in my entire country.

When I was a kid living in Belgium I had to take a boat to the Uk just to get my hands on US comics (pence priced) and when the comics went direct market and the newsagents stopped selling them that was over as well, as none of the coastal towns in the UK had comic shops.

When I lived in the Uk for a short time in the 70's I thought I was in heaven, alas I bought more UK weekly comics than US comics

 

I have loved US comics for ever but during the first 35 years or so of my life I only managed to acquire about 250 or so...no keys, and almost never any sequential issues.

 

Maybe that's why once I found this forum I started collecting like crazy to get complete runs of all the major Marvel titles

 

Thanks for the response, this forum is great for learning about comics and a great place to pick them up.

[thehumantorch]

The amount of comic shops in the UK stocking decent back issues seems to have declined rapidly since ebay caught on. Now most of them only have back issue sections with overstock from the last couple of years and 90's drek.

 

Thanks gaz. I take it you started picking up U.S. comics because of a local store?

[gaz973]

The amount of comic shops in the UK stocking decent back issues seems to have declined rapidly since ebay caught on. Now most of them only have back issue sections with overstock from the last couple of years and 90's drek.

 

Thanks gaz. I take it you started picking up U.S. comics because of a local store?

 

Actually, they used to sell comics at newsagents which was where I first picked them up when I was a lad. Then I found a comic shop and bought from there. It was only later that I got into back issues. My back issue collecting only got serious after I got onto the internet though.

My earliest memories of comics though is my mum reading me Hulk reprints when I went to bed (I must have been about 4 years old).

[Black Lantern]

i guess you have to add me to the SECRET INVASION of foreign board members. i'm btw from vienna austria, but i think most of you already know this.