The 15 Dumbest Superhero Retcons Of All Time

[Ares]

http://io9.com/5405696/the-15-dumbest-superhero-retcons-of-all-time

[Mr 9.8]

Wolverine

Wolverine's entire history is just one crappy retcon piled on top of another. How's this for a start? Wolverine was originally meant to be an actual wolverine, who had been turned into a human by the high evolutionary, and his claws were part of his gloves. Then the claws became implants created by Weapon X, and he was a mutant. Then he was meant to be Sabertooth's son. Then it turns out he'd had bone claws all along, and they were just covered up with metal. Recently, however, things have started getting even weirder for Logan.

 

It turns out Wolverine now isn't a mutant, but rather a Lupine, a human looking species that evolved in parallel to humans — but from wolves, not apes. And there are two tribes: one with blond hair, the other with dark hair, and they hate each other — which is why Sabertooth hates Wolverine so much. They're not the only two, either — other Lupine's include Wolfsbane, Feral, Wild Child and Thornn. So pretty much ever feral mutant isn't actually a mutant, but a wolf person. They're all being manipulated by an almost immortal elder Lupine called Romulus.

 

Wolverine's healing factor has also suffered from major power creep over the years, expanding from "he can heal faster than most", to "was left as a skeleton after a major explosion, and healed completely within seconds." So to de-power him slightly, a retcon established that every time he dies, Wolverine has to fight the spirit of death to return to the living. Since WWI, he has been in constant combat with a being known as Lazaer (the worst anagram since Alucard), and his soul cannot return to his body unless he defeats Lazaer in limbo, each time. After some jiggerypokery with the resurrected version Shingen, Lazaer and Wolverine ended their constant battle — so if Wolverine dies again, it's for real.

:screwy:So does this mean Wolverine will be in the next Twilight movie?

[Sal]

jesus.

 

 

that wolverine stuff is just so incredibly stupid.

 

the wolverine who took a week to recover from wounds incurred during the fight with whatshisface in the original mini is a far cry from the poor, ridiculous character modern readers are stuck with today

[Subliminal]

It seems like these days they have given up using their imaginations to created new characters for a new generation to merely piggybacking their lame ideas to existing characters in the hopes that they can ride on the efforts of those creators before them.

 

 

[TheWatcher]

Wolverine

Wolverine's entire history is just one crappy retcon piled on top of another. How's this for a start? Wolverine was originally meant to be an actual wolverine, who had been turned into a human by the high evolutionary, and his claws were part of his gloves. Then the claws became implants created by Weapon X, and he was a mutant. Then he was meant to be Sabertooth's son. Then it turns out he'd had bone claws all along, and they were just covered up with metal. Recently, however, things have started getting even weirder for Logan.

 

It turns out Wolverine now isn't a mutant, but rather a Lupine, a human looking species that evolved in parallel to humans — but from wolves, not apes. And there are two tribes: one with blond hair, the other with dark hair, and they hate each other — which is why Sabertooth hates Wolverine so much. They're not the only two, either — other Lupine's include Wolfsbane, Feral, Wild Child and Thornn. So pretty much ever feral mutant isn't actually a mutant, but a wolf person. They're all being manipulated by an almost immortal elder Lupine called Romulus.

 

Wolverine's healing factor has also suffered from major power creep over the years, expanding from "he can heal faster than most", to "was left as a skeleton after a major explosion, and healed completely within seconds." So to de-power him slightly, a retcon established that every time he dies, Wolverine has to fight the spirit of death to return to the living. Since WWI, he has been in constant combat with a being known as Lazaer (the worst anagram since Alucard), and his soul cannot return to his body unless he defeats Lazaer in limbo, each time. After some jiggerypokery with the resurrected version Shingen, Lazaer and Wolverine ended their constant battle — so if Wolverine dies again, it's for real.

:screwy:So does this mean Wolverine will be in the next Twilight movie?

Either that or the next Underworld movie

[Designer Toast]

Wolverine

Wolverine's entire history is just one crappy retcon piled on top of another. How's this for a start? Wolverine was originally meant to be an actual wolverine, who had been turned into a human by the high evolutionary, and his claws were part of his gloves. Then the claws became implants created by Weapon X, and he was a mutant. Then he was meant to be Sabertooth's son. Then it turns out he'd had bone claws all along, and they were just covered up with metal. Recently, however, things have started getting even weirder for Logan.

 

It turns out Wolverine now isn't a mutant, but rather a Lupine, a human looking species that evolved in parallel to humans — but from wolves, not apes. And there are two tribes: one with blond hair, the other with dark hair, and they hate each other — which is why Sabertooth hates Wolverine so much. They're not the only two, either — other Lupine's include Wolfsbane, Feral, Wild Child and Thornn. So pretty much ever feral mutant isn't actually a mutant, but a wolf person. They're all being manipulated by an almost immortal elder Lupine called Romulus.

 

Wolverine's healing factor has also suffered from major power creep over the years, expanding from "he can heal faster than most", to "was left as a skeleton after a major explosion, and healed completely within seconds." So to de-power him slightly, a retcon established that every time he dies, Wolverine has to fight the spirit of death to return to the living. Since WWI, he has been in constant combat with a being known as Lazaer (the worst anagram since Alucard), and his soul cannot return to his body unless he defeats Lazaer in limbo, each time. After some jiggerypokery with the resurrected version Shingen, Lazaer and Wolverine ended their constant battle — so if Wolverine dies again, it's for real.

 

Personally, the Weapon X origin is the best one. this other mess is just that.

[Drakeprimeone]

I'm sure when a new writing team comes along and enough fuss is made they will come up with some event that will erase that mess

[slym2none]

I heard recently about Cyclops no longer absorbing solar energy and now he gets his "eye beams" from an interdimensional force, or something like that.

 

Why do people feel the need to tinker with things when they aren't broken???

 

 

 

-slym

[Forbush-Man]

It seems like these days they have given up using their imaginations to created new characters for a new generation to merely piggybacking their lame ideas to existing characters in the hopes that they can ride on the efforts of those creators before them.

 

 

Couldn't agree more. Same is true when they usually do costume changes, get new side-kicks, start carrying weapons, change color, ect. Just a lack of imagination.

[kdoginohio]

amen to that, S.M. the whole reason i walked away from books was the stupid tangents popular characters went off on(wolvie,punisher,lobo) (thumbs u

[KEY ISSUES Comics]

Is that stuff actually factual regarding Wolvie? If so, no wonder I don't read that stuff anymore.

[Jeffro.]

Stupidity like all of that is part of why I don't read modern superhero comics anymore.

 

The Sue Dibny rape is particularly perplexing and disturbing. Why does that have to be in any comic book? What posesses a creator to actually want to put that mess in a comic book?

[Mr 9.8]

Is that stuff actually factual regarding Wolvie? If so, no wonder I don't read that stuff anymore.

Sadly it's no joke!

[Marvelfangirl]

Is that stuff actually factual regarding Wolvie? If so, no wonder I don't read that stuff anymore.

Sadly it's no joke!

"SPOON" YOU MARVEL COMICS!!!

[nmtg9]

"At some point in the terrifying decade of comics known as the 90s"

 

There we have it:

 

Gold,(Atom), Silver, Bronze, Copper, Terrible Age, Modern.

 

Case closed.

 

Excellent article showing how dangerous some writers can be.

[Not*Sure*]

Jiggerypokery..

[HD]

Stupidity like all of that is part of why I don't read modern superhero comics anymore.

 

The Sue Dibny rape is particularly perplexing and disturbing. Why does that have to be in any comic book? What posesses a creator to actually want to put that mess in a comic book?

Got that right.

 

Although not a line of thought I dwell on, there have been numerous times in the past that I wondered why some perversion such as this is put into a comic. Shock value? Trying to boost sales? Both of those seem too short-sighted, even for this industry. The only answer that keeps returning: obsession with perversion in their own lives so it spills into their "work."

[Raphael]

Wolverine

Wolverine's entire history is just one crappy retcon piled on top of another. How's this for a start? Wolverine was originally meant to be an actual wolverine, who had been turned into a human by the high evolutionary, and his claws were part of his gloves. Then the claws became implants created by Weapon X, and he was a mutant. Then he was meant to be Sabertooth's son. Then it turns out he'd had bone claws all along, and they were just covered up with metal. Recently, however, things have started getting even weirder for Logan.

 

It turns out Wolverine now isn't a mutant, but rather a Lupine, a human looking species that evolved in parallel to humans — but from wolves, not apes. And there are two tribes: one with blond hair, the other with dark hair, and they hate each other — which is why Sabertooth hates Wolverine so much. They're not the only two, either — other Lupine's include Wolfsbane, Feral, Wild Child and Thornn. So pretty much ever feral mutant isn't actually a mutant, but a wolf person. They're all being manipulated by an almost immortal elder Lupine called Romulus.

 

Wolverine's healing factor has also suffered from major power creep over the years, expanding from "he can heal faster than most", to "was left as a skeleton after a major explosion, and healed completely within seconds." So to de-power him slightly, a retcon established that every time he dies, Wolverine has to fight the spirit of death to return to the living. Since WWI, he has been in constant combat with a being known as Lazaer (the worst anagram since Alucard), and his soul cannot return to his body unless he defeats Lazaer in limbo, each time. After some jiggerypokery with the resurrected version Shingen, Lazaer and Wolverine ended their constant battle — so if Wolverine dies again, it's for real.

 

Personally, the Weapon X origin is the best one. this other mess is just that.

 

You can thank Jeph Loeb for the whole Lupine thing

[Mr 9.8]

Stupidity like all of that is part of why I don't read modern superhero comics anymore.

 

The Sue Dibny rape is particularly perplexing and disturbing. Why does that have to be in any comic book? What posesses a creator to actually want to put that mess in a comic book?

Got that right.

 

Although not a line of thought I dwell on, there have been numerous times in the past that I wondered why some perversion such as this is put into a comic. Shock value? Trying to boost sales? Both of those seem too short-sighted, even for this industry. The only answer that keeps returning: obsession with perversion in their own lives so it spills into their "work."

Could not agree more.

[HeyMoe]

Wolverine

Wolverine's entire history is just one crappy retcon piled on top of another. How's this for a start? Wolverine was originally meant to be an actual wolverine, who had been turned into a human by the high evolutionary, and his claws were part of his gloves. Then the claws became implants created by Weapon X, and he was a mutant. Then he was meant to be Sabertooth's son. Then it turns out he'd had bone claws all along, and they were just covered up with metal. Recently, however, things have started getting even weirder for Logan.

 

It turns out Wolverine now isn't a mutant, but rather a Lupine, a human looking species that evolved in parallel to humans — but from wolves, not apes. And there are two tribes: one with blond hair, the other with dark hair, and they hate each other — which is why Sabertooth hates Wolverine so much. They're not the only two, either — other Lupine's include Wolfsbane, Feral, Wild Child and Thornn. So pretty much ever feral mutant isn't actually a mutant, but a wolf person. They're all being manipulated by an almost immortal elder Lupine called Romulus.

 

Wolverine's healing factor has also suffered from major power creep over the years, expanding from "he can heal faster than most", to "was left as a skeleton after a major explosion, and healed completely within seconds." So to de-power him slightly, a retcon established that every time he dies, Wolverine has to fight the spirit of death to return to the living. Since WWI, he has been in constant combat with a being known as Lazaer (the worst anagram since Alucard), and his soul cannot return to his body unless he defeats Lazaer in limbo, each time. After some jiggerypokery with the resurrected version Shingen, Lazaer and Wolverine ended their constant battle — so if Wolverine dies again, it's for real.

:screwy:So does this mean Wolverine will be in the next Twilight movie?

 

I thought wolverines were not even part of the wolf family. (ie. Not Lupine)

Are they not just damn big weasels?!