Post your comic character jokes!

[Tony S]

I wanted to do something special for my 666th post. So I thought maybe it could be my first OP.

 

If there have been a hundred "Joke" threads, my apologies. I never have mastered the forum search.

 

I'll go first - and I look forward to reading everyone else's comic character jokes:

 

********************************************************

 

Superman and Lois Lane were on the outs. Feeling a bit lonely and needy, Superman flies over to Gotham City to talk to his buddy Batman.

 

“Bruce, you’re quite the playa. You have chicks on both arms when you go out. Lois and I haven’t been getting along so well and I’m kind of – well - needy. Any idea of where a super hero could go for a bit of lovin?”

 

Batman replies – “Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is always hot to trot. And she’s amazing. Best sex ever. You should go look her up.”

 

Superman shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. Diana and I have been friends for a long time. I don’t know if I think about her that way – and I would hate to impose on our friendship...”

 

“Your loss” says Batman. “I’ve gotta head out on patrol now.”

 

So Superman decides to fly over to Star City and talk to Green Lantern. He finds him out flying around the city. “Hal – you’re a fearless test pilot. Women have always thought you are hot. So Lois and I aren’t getting along – or getting it on. I could really use a bit of female companionship. Any ideas of who might be interested?”

 

“Wonder Woman is who you should be looking up” replies Green Lantern. She’s gorgeous and she’s a freak in bed. Ask her – I’m sure she’d be interested.”

 

“Damn, that’s what Batman said” Superman says with a sigh. “Diana and have been friends for so long I just don’t know...”

 

"You’re missing out on a good time and sure thing…but it’s your call” says Green Lantern. Then he flies away.

 

Superman is flying back to Metropolis thinking about all this when he sees Wonder Woman naked on the beach, legs spread. “Damn it” thinks Superman. “I’m faster than a speeding bullet. I can be down there, do my thing and be gone before Diana even knows it’s me.”

 

Moving so fast he breaks the sound barrier and creates a sonic boom, Superman has sex with her and flies away quicker than the eye can follow. Wonder Woman opens her eyes and in daze says “what the hell just happened?”

 

The Invisible Man rolls off of her and says “I don’t know – but my arse is killing me…”

 

[Norrin_Radd]

A classic. (thumbs u

 

[ft88]

Casper walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

 

(Or Vision, Kitty Pride, etc)

[Tony S]

A classic. (thumbs u

 

 

Aww man! I saw that movie too. Love that movie. I did not remember the scene.

 

So how about this?::::

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Donald and Daisy Duck are on vacation with their nieces (April, May and June) and nephews (Huey, Dewey and Louie). They stop for the night at a hotel.

The kids are swimming in the hotel pool (ducks love water you know) and Donald wants to have sex. Daisy says "did you bring a condom?"

 

"No" says Donald dejectedly. Daisy says "we can't have sex unless you use a condom."

 

Donald is all upset so Daisy suggests that he check with the front desk of the hotel. "People forget stuff all the time. Maybe they will have condoms."

 

So Donald goes down to the front desk and sure enough they have condoms. The hotel clerk gives him one and asks "Mr. Duck, do you want me to put this on your bill?"

 

Donald angrily squawks "NO!! What do you think I am, some sort of pervert?!!

[Tony S]

Casper walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

 

(Or Vision, Kitty Pride, etc)

 

Love it!

[catrick339]

Punchline only:

 

"I am Mighty Thor!"

 

"Well, I ain't feeling all that good mythelf, Mithter!"

[Stumptown]

 

Same joke. Different punchline.

 

You're Thor? I'm so Thor that I can't walk.

 

 

 

Punchline only:

 

"I am Mighty Thor!"

 

"Well, I ain't feeling all that good mythelf, Mithter!"

[Hamlet]

Two men were sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Both were bending their elbows at a steady rate. The first man said, “You know, there’s such an updraft on the outside of this building, that if you jump off, you’ll fall for a bit, but the updraft will catch you, and bring you right back up to this balcony.

 

The second guy said, “I don’t believe it, you’ll have to prove this to me.”

 

So the first guy goes over the balcony and jumps off. He falls and falls and falls, and then he slows in mid drop, and begins rising back up. Finally, he lightly steps back onto the balcony. “See, I told you,” he says.

 

The second guy says, “I’ve got to try that.” So he jumps off the balcony, and falls and falls and falls and falls. Finally, splat on the ground.

 

The first guy returns to the bar and orders another drink.

 

As he serves the drink, the bartender says, “You’re a mean drunk, Superman.”

[Tony S]

Two men were sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Both were bending their elbows at a steady rate. The first man said, “You know, there’s such an updraft on the outside of this building, that if you jump off, you’ll fall for a bit, but the updraft will catch you, and bring you right back up to this balcony.

 

The second guy said, “I don’t believe it, you’ll have to prove this to me.”

 

So the first guy goes over the balcony and jumps off. He falls and falls and falls, and then he slows in mid drop, and begins rising back up. Finally, he lightly steps back onto the balcony. “See, I told you,” he says.

 

The second guy says, “I’ve got to try that.” So he jumps off the balcony, and falls and falls and falls and falls. Finally, splat on the ground.

 

The first guy returns to the bar and orders another drink.

 

As he serves the drink, the bartender says, “You’re a mean drunk, Superman.”

 

Love it!