In desperation...

[BassGMan]

Bella, you summed up my situation perfectly. Of course this only works when both spouses work though.

[Darthdiesel]

Sure it can exist, it is common? Probably not. I for one vote for this idea. We have money set aside for bills and the rest is our own money and to spend on whatever we would like.

 

You can also have a joint pool of money and each spend it on whatever you like.

 

I can't remember anytime that I have nagged him about what he spent and where and the same goes with him and me. I think when you start telling each other how to spend money it is a form of control and has no good outcome.

 

This only holds, like I said before, if both parties are fiscally responsible. What you state is a form of control, I see as a reminder to be considerate of your spouse and family's needs/concerns before blowing a wad of loot on frivolous self gratifying junk that is of no benefit to you or your family other than satisfy that instant gratification pang you may have been feeling. Just a difference of opinion but I don't see it as "a form of control" necessarily.

 

I find we never fight about money period.

 

Nor do my wife and I. I know I have to make it and spend it responsibly. Doing so keeps us fight-free about $$$.

 

I pay for my own car and my own insurance he pays for his.

 

I don't know why anyone would agree to this. In most states and most companies I've dealt with, it is cheaper to have a multiple car policy unless you or Russ have multiple moving violations and points on your license that would not make a joint auto policy cheaper?

 

If they are my credit cards I pay them, if they are his he pays them. No joint credit cards. The rest of the bills are paid jointly.

 

We have the same set up. My credit cards are for business expenses. Hers are for stores mainly. But they are all paid out of the same pool of money in the end.

 

A lot of women want to push all the money together but I find that only causes fights about money in the end. There is no doubt that if one of us had some type of hardship we would help one another.

 

Some women, like my wife, just don't want to deal with the money. I take care of the bills and the taxes and I know what you are all saying, What if I die or leave her (this one's not likely)? well my wife is not ignorant of how to do this - she's done it for herself when she was single before we met. Now she just finds it a hassle and would rather I handle it since it is more my speed.

[Darthdiesel]

Of course this only works when both spouses work though.

 

so if your wife doesn't work, she has no say in how the family finances are run? what is your definition of work? What if she's a homemaker? She should just keep the house clean, the kids happy and attend to you hand and foot but if it has to do with the money, she should just STFU?

 

obviously, my example went a bit overboard, but I'd still like to hear the BassG take on this? That's why I advocate the whole joint finances concept. We may have decided as a couple that it would best serve the family if she was home raising the kids or taking care of the house while I worked longer hours in order to be able to afford to live just off my salary. We each contribute our part to the betterment of the family and the success of our financial future.

[BellaDonna]

Sure it can exist, it is common? Probably not. I for one vote for this idea. We have money set aside for bills and the rest is our own money and to spend on whatever we would like.

 

You can also have a joint pool of money and each spend it on whatever you like.

 

I can't remember anytime that I have nagged him about what he spent and where and the same goes with him and me. I think when you start telling each other how to spend money it is a form of control and has no good outcome.

 

This only holds, like I said before, if both parties are fiscally responsible. What you state is a form of control, I see as a reminder to be considerate of your spouse and family's needs/concerns before blowing a wad of loot on frivolous self gratifying junk that is of no benefit to you or your family other than satisfy that instant gratification pang you may have been feeling. Just a difference of opinion but I don't see it as "a form of control" necessarily.

 

I find we never fight about money period.

 

Nor do my wife and I. I know I have to make it and spend it responsibly. Doing so keeps us fight-free about $$$.

 

I pay for my own car and my own insurance he pays for his.

 

I don't know why anyone would agree to this. In most states and most companies I've dealt with, it is cheaper to have a multiple car policy unless you or Russ have multiple moving violations and points on your license that would not make a joint auto policy cheaper?

 

If they are my credit cards I pay them, if they are his he pays them. No joint credit cards. The rest of the bills are paid jointly.

 

We have the same set up. My credit cards are for business expenses. Hers are for stores mainly. But they are all paid out of the same pool of money in the end.

 

A lot of women want to push all the money together but I find that only causes fights about money in the end. There is no doubt that if one of us had some type of hardship we would help one another.

 

Some women, like my wife, just don't want to deal with the money. I take care of the bills and the taxes and I know what you are all saying, What if I die or leave her (this one's not likely)? well my wife is not ignorant of how to do this - she's done it for herself when she was single before we met. Now she just finds it a hassle and would rather I handle it since it is more my speed.

 

Yes we do have money that we both put in to spend on something together as well. As for the car insurance we have both cars on the same policy we just know how much mine is and how much his is. Multiple Moving Violations Not happening here.

 

As for what if you die or leave her, that thought never crossed my mind. What I have said may work for some and may not work for others. What you have set up works great for you. I do not think there is one way that is the perfect way to do it. It is up to the couple and what they are comfortable with.

[Darthdiesel]

I do not think there is one way that is the perfect way to do it. It is up to the couple and what they are comfortable with.

 

and tell Russ to stop speeding!

[BellaDonna]

Of course this only works when both spouses work though.

 

so if your wife doesn't work, she has no say in how the family finances are run? what is your definition of work? What if she's a homemaker? She should just keep the house clean, the kids happy and attend to you hand and foot but if it has to do with the money, she should just STFU?

 

obviously, my example went a bit overboard, but I'd still like to hear the BassG take on this? That's why I advocate the whole joint finances concept. We may have decided as a couple that it would best serve the family if she was home raising the kids or taking care of the house while I worked longer hours in order to be able to afford to live just off my salary. We each contribute our part to the betterment of the family and the success of our financial future.

 

That is a very good point. A lot of my friends are stay at home moms and it is not the easiest job in the world unless you come home the house is a wreck the kids have been at the neighbors all week and the food is now rotting in the fridge.

 

I think as people's lives change the finance situation also changes along with it. There is no good way to split money for the kids you must pool all that money together.

[BellaDonna]

I do not think there is one way that is the perfect way to do it. It is up to the couple and what they are comfortable with.

 

and tell Russ to stop speeding!

 

I have tried and tried, even personally giving him a ticket has not worked. You can only imagine the fun pulling him over after he has left the bar at 2am

[Darthdiesel]

Sometimes, I think I want to try and be a stay-at-home dad

 

and I was just trying to get the BassG going

[Red Hook]

From Apoth's July 25 thread......

 

Apoth,

 

You are making the fatal assumption most guys do.........

 

When your girlfriend stops being your fiancee and becomes your wife, all bets are off. Enjoy your fun now, and don't come whining to us later and say we didn't warn you!

 

[BellaDonna]

Sometimes, I think I want to try and be a stay-at-home dad

 

and I was just trying to get the BassG going

 

I see you were trying to get him going.

 

Some dads like staying home which I think is cool too. Some mom's would rather work. I have seen that work out well . Maybe one day you will get to test that out.

[Darthdiesel]

When your girlfriend stops being your fiancee and becomes your wife...

 

you can't sleep with her sisters and hot friends anymore?

[BassGMan]

Of course this only works when both spouses work though.

 

so if your wife doesn't work, she has no say in how the family finances are run? what is your definition of work? What if she's a homemaker? She should just keep the house clean, the kids happy and attend to you hand and foot but if it has to do with the money, she should just STFU?

 

obviously, my example went a bit overboard, but I'd still like to hear the BassG take on this? That's why I advocate the whole joint finances concept. We may have decided as a couple that it would best serve the family if she was home raising the kids or taking care of the house while I worked longer hours in order to be able to afford to live just off my salary. We each contribute our part to the betterment of the family and the success of our financial future.

 

Looks like Bella and I have the same exact setup with our spouses, even down to handling the car insurance.

 

Regarding both parties being responsible with money? My wife got into a alot of debt at one time (not fun stuff, but car repairs, dental work, etc.) and now it is up to her to pay off her debt, on her own, and same thing when I had my own problems. If we are both working, we can take care of our own financial problems. BUT, this does not mean that we won't help each other out financially. I have "given" her thousands before when I was up and she was down, and will do so again if necessary. But it is because I wanted to and not because I was required to.

 

Regarding my comment about both spouses working, of course Darth jumped to the wrong conclusion. This is an easy way for a married couple to handle money when both spouses work, but if only one does, and the other takes care of the kids, for example, then my situation would not work at all. In THAT situation I believe my one household income would need to be treated 100% as OUR income and how it is spent would need to be discussed by both of us. EXCEPT for my Ebay money, that would always continue to be MY money. But my paycheck would become OUR paycheck, in a sense, as obviously child rearing is just as important as the breadwinner's job. But if we both worked and had daycare for the kids, it's back to joint money, my money and her money. Works great for us. I'd never marry a woman who tried to control my money or spending habits in the first place.

 

Oh, and nobody ever said that how a married person wants to spend their own money is going to be all on unnecessary gadgets or purchases on a whim. Some of my "personal money" has been invested in my IRA or to buy furniture or cat litter or take the lil' wife out to dinner. It works for us, and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. To make things even more complicated, when we married my wife had a 13 year old daughter (now 20 and on her own). I told her BEFORE we were married that outside of groceries, that I did not want to ever be responsible financially for her daughter in any way, and yes, the kid's dad was still around paying child support. She agreed to this and understood my reasoning and that part of being a stepfather was not ever a problem (although there were certainly other problems, oy vey ).

[Red Hook]

You can't?

[Foolkiller]

Really, the simple key is what works for you.

 

For BassG Man this works, I don't think it would work for everyone or be a good universal policy to hold. Likewise, I don't think forcing BassG in a situation that has joint accounts is good, because he isn't comfortable with that.

 

You have to make an individual decision for yourself about what you and your wife would be comfortable with.

[Darthdiesel]

You can't?

I could've sworn they handed that memo out when you applied for the marriage license

[Darthdiesel]

Looks like Bella and I have the same exact setup with our spouses, even down to handling the car insurance.

 

You're married to Bella? I hope russ doesn't find out...

 

My wife got into a alot of debt at one time (not fun stuff, but car repairs, dental work, etc.) and now it is up to her to pay off her debt, on her own, and same thing when I had my own problems.

 

My wife too since she had to pay her own way through college. But the difference here is once we were serious, that debt became our burden. I didn't come into the relationship debt free either but I was about $5K in the hole while she was around $20K....

 

I have "given" her thousands before when I was up and she was down

 

Something kinky about this...

 

, and will do so again if necessary.

 

 

But it is because I wanted to and not because I was required to.

 

when do guys not want to?

 

Regarding my comment about both spouses working, of course Darth jumped to the wrong conclusion.

 

Would it be any fun if I did get it right all the time?

 

This is an easy way for a married couple to handle money when both spouses work, but if only one does, and the other takes care of the kids, for example, then my situation would not work at all. In THAT situation I believe my one household income would need to be treated 100% as OUR income and how it is spent would need to be discussed by both of us.

 

That's all I was going for - mutual discussion of financial affairs. I don't see it as controlling but I was getting the feeling that you were.

 

EXCEPT for my Ebay money, that would always continue to be MY money.

 

The more paypal and ebay fees keep increasing nowadays, your money is disappearing at an ever growing rate

 

I'd never marry a woman who tried to control my money or spending habits in the first place.

 

How about she just kicks you in the nads everytime you buy an expensive comic?

 

Oh, and nobody ever said that how a married person wants to spend their own money is going to be all on unnecessary gadgets or purchases on a whim.

 

I thought that was the underlying theme here. Comics (AF15s and Action 1s in HG, $5K - $35K golden and silver age key books), excessive designer shoes (manolos and pradas, etc), european whirlwind vacations - all stuff that one really doesn't need for the survival of the family. It'd be nice to have or do but unnecessary in the grand scheme of things...

 

Some of my "personal money" has been invested in my IRA or to buy furniture or cat litter or take the lil' wife out to dinner.

 

In those cases, I'd consider that "OUR" money. I do the same exact thing sans kitty litter.

 

To make things even more complicated, when we married my wife had a 13 year old daughter (now 20 and on her own). I told her BEFORE we were married that outside of groceries, that I did not want to ever be responsible financially for her daughter in any way, and yes, the kid's dad was still around paying child support.

 

Boy, you're a great catch. I think you were too generous with the groceries coverage there. I find it hard to beleive that you never paid for anything of your stepdaughter's necessities outside of food. Does she call you 'dad'?

 

(although there were certainly other problems, oy vey ).

 

[FlyingDonut]

Of course this only works when both spouses work though.

 

so if your wife doesn't work, she has no say in how the family finances are run? what is your definition of work? What if she's a homemaker? She should just keep the house clean, the kids happy and attend to you hand and foot but if it has to do with the money, she should just STFU?

 

obviously, my example went a bit overboard, but I'd still like to hear the BassG take on this? That's why I advocate the whole joint finances concept. We may have decided as a couple that it would best serve the family if she was home raising the kids or taking care of the house while I worked longer hours in order to be able to afford to live just off my salary. We each contribute our part to the betterment of the family and the success of our financial future.

 

Looks like Bella and I have the same exact setup with our spouses, even down to handling the car insurance.

 

Regarding both parties being responsible with money? My wife got into a alot of debt at one time (not fun stuff, but car repairs, dental work, etc.) and now it is up to her to pay off her debt, on her own, and same thing when I had my own problems. If we are both working, we can take care of our own financial problems. BUT, this does not mean that we won't help each other out financially. I have "given" her thousands before when I was up and she was down, and will do so again if necessary. But it is because I wanted to and not because I was required to.

 

Regarding my comment about both spouses working, of course Darth jumped to the wrong conclusion. This is an easy way for a married couple to handle money when both spouses work, but if only one does, and the other takes care of the kids, for example, then my situation would not work at all. In THAT situation I believe my one household income would need to be treated 100% as OUR income and how it is spent would need to be discussed by both of us. EXCEPT for my Ebay money, that would always continue to be MY money. But my paycheck would become OUR paycheck, in a sense, as obviously child rearing is just as important as the breadwinner's job. But if we both worked and had daycare for the kids, it's back to joint money, my money and her money. Works great for us. I'd never marry a woman who tried to control my money or spending habits in the first place.

 

Oh, and nobody ever said that how a married person wants to spend their own money is going to be all on unnecessary gadgets or purchases on a whim. Some of my "personal money" has been invested in my IRA or to buy furniture or cat litter or take the lil' wife out to dinner. It works for us, and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. To make things even more complicated, when we married my wife had a 13 year old daughter (now 20 and on her own). I told her BEFORE we were married that outside of groceries, that I did not want to ever be responsible financially for her daughter in any way, and yes, the kid's dad was still around paying child support. She agreed to this and understood my reasoning and that part of being a stepfather was not ever a problem (although there were certainly other problems, oy vey ).

 

You do realize, of course, that legally as her husband you are responsible for any defaulted debt she may have. Might be a good idea to understand what "her money" is going for.

[BassGMan]

Darth, yeah it was a little weird going into the marriage with the stipulation that I would not be contributing to the support of her kid. But I thought, why should I? She had a working mother (my wife) and a working father, so why do I need to get involved in her financial affairs? Sure, there were some occasions where I chose to cover some of the kid's expenses (entertainment, for example) but I never spent a cent buying her clothes, shoes, school supplies, counseling, lessons, etc. No, she never called me "dad" and I never would have wanted her to. She was 13 at the time, I was just Sid, the guy that married her mom. We got along fine until the kid became 15 and turned into a, well.... 15 year old

 

But overall, each couple will handle their finances how they see fit. And sometimes this takes a little bit of experimentation to get it right. We didn't have it perfect at first either. Anyway, although I'll always listen to my wife, her input about what I spend on comics will never be a factor in my decision making unless I feel that she has a great idea that I had not thought of before. I'm lucky though, my wife supports me in this area so it's never been a problem. And yes, I have gone overboard a few times with purchases.

[BellaDonna]

Looks like Bella and I have the same exact setup with our spouses, even down to handling the car insurance.

 

You're married to Bella? I hope russ doesn't find out...

 

[skybolt]

How many females have posted on these boards?

 

Joanna, BellaDonna, Eric123's girfriend...........any others?