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Crisis On Infinite Message Boards
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Started by Illiterati-migration,

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Joanna

Joanna

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Spurred by the sight of that lovely Wonder Woman issue, here you go!

 

Issue 11 p. 4: Time Wounds All Heels

 

Featured in this issue:

 

Mylite (greggy) slabbed, irresistible

Week Guy (NewtSamson) Lord of Time Stream

Month Guy (Johnny Double) Lord of Time Stream

Lighthouse (Lighthouse) eye beams

Spelling Bee (PovertyRow) flight, stinger

Flying Donut (Flying Donut) Flight

Fruit Pie (JLA All the Way) goo

Ho Ho (Ninanina) goo

(otis) Red, fused and rhyming

(Aces) Red, fused and rhyming

mrwoogieman) Red, fused and rhyming

(Fokker) Red, fused and rhyming

(dillmeister) Red, fused and rhyming

(blutobc)

 

And a very special guest appearance!

 

 

Issue 11 p. 4: Time Wounds All Heels

 

Mylite slinks seductively toward Newt Samson, FBI (Week Guy in disguise) and Jonny Double, INS (Month Guy in disguise).

 

"How's it going?" Mylite asks, batting his eyelashes and hiking up his short shorts a wee bit higher.

 

Trapped by Mylite's superpower of irresistibility, Newt and Jonny start stammering and fumbling like two 14 year-olds being addressed by a naked Playboy centerfold.

 

"Err... Hi, um, I...I'm good. You good?" stammers Newt.

 

"Heh, yeah, I'm g...good," answers Jonny.

 

"Not you, dork! I meant Mylite!" Newt whispers.

 

Mylite winks at the two 'agents', then steals a glance at his large team of time travelers. They are all in a huddle, listening to Bee's plan. He quickly shifts his attention back to the agents. "So... Newt is it?"

 

"Yuh-huh!"

 

"Beautiful name. From the Sanskrit for salamander isn't it?"

 

Newt gurgles and nods his head, though he has no idea of his name's origin.

 

"Jonny means righteous, honest knight with manly hips!"

 

Mylite switches his attention to Jonny. "How unusual. It suits you."

 

Jonny, who also has no idea what his name means, smiles. "You're dreamy."

 

"Yes, I am," says Mylite, pouring out attraction beams until tiny beads of sweat form on his brow. The plastic from his slab intensifies the beams causing both Newt and Jonny to swoon. Must... keep... attracting...

 

Meanwhile

 

Lighthouse stands tall (and I mean tall!) keeping an eye on Mylite and the agents. "Does everyone know what to do?"

 

There is a murmur of assent, with one "no".

 

"Who said 'no'?"

 

"Me!" comes a voice from the back. To the sounds of gasps, a familiar figure walks through a parting of the crowd. It is Kostume Kween!

 

"Gasp!"

 

"Kostume Kween!"

 

"But how...?"

 

"Where...?"

 

"Who's the looker?"

 

"Double gasp!"

 

"Quiet everyone!" whispers Bee loudly (or at least, as loudly as whispers can be).

 

"Kostume Kween -- how is this possible?" asks Lighthouse. "You're dead!"

 

"Don't know what you're talking about. When I flew in the time stream, I wasn't even sick." Kostume Kween, wearing his Supergirl uniform and looking quite handsome, approaches the members of the JBH. "So when you say 'dead', you mean died of old age, dead because everyone dies eventually dead, right?"

 

There is an embarrassed murmur and a few, "Sure, yeah, that's what he meant"'s heard in the crowd.

 

"Of course! Possessing all of Supergirl's powers, you can break the time barrier at will!" says Bee.

 

"I think most of us already figured that out, Bee," says Donut.

 

"Just trying to help the thicker members of our group."

 

"You mean the Marvel fans?"

 

"Yup."

 

Several Marvel zombies pick up torches and pitchforks, but because they're not in the time stream, no one cares.

 

"Listen, Kween, we can use you in our plan," says Bee.

 

"Cool! I came here to prevent a flood, but I'm sure at least a third of those people can swim. I'd rather hang out with all of you guys anyway. What do you want me to do?"

 

"It's simple. Bzzz bzz bzzz..."

 

"When you whisper, you sound like a bee, Bee!" says Kween.

 

"Thank you!" says Fruit Pie.

 

"Shut up!" says Ho Ho.

 

"Let me try this again. Here's the plan: Mylite is going to..."

 

Meanwhile

 

"J. C. Penney. They were on sale," says Mylite.

 

Newt and Jonny whistle in awe, envisioning buying their own Mylite short shorts at the next opportunity.

 

Mylite steals another glance at the group and suddenly feels a chill go down his spine. He rubs his eyes, positive that he's seeing things. It can't be. He's dead. Yet...

 

"Kostume Kween...?" he whispers.

 

"What did you say?"

 

Mylite doesn't hear Newt, all his concentration is on the man he thought was lost forever. But there is no mistaking that Supergirl uniform with tufts of chest hair sticking out of the scooped neck, or the prominent Adam's apple, or the striking manly features beneath the blonde wig.

 

"It's no use. He's not listening to us. Perhaps we should turn around and see what he's looking at," says Jonny.

 

"Yes, turning around is a good idea," says Newt.

 

"Then it's agreed. We should turn around. Right now. Just turn our heads..."

 

Meanwhile

 

"Faster, faster! Put your foot upon the gas!

If anyone sees us, out we will pass!"

 

"The lameness of your rhymes is increasing exponentially with the fusing of your bodies," says Bluto, obeying the 25 mile an hour speed limit and slowing whenever he sees anyone he knows. The humiliation of his friends is worth the torture of listening to their poetry.

 

"Your death will be a solace,

When you're killed by the police!"

 

"I hope you guys realize that although those words look like they might rhyme, they don't."

 

"Just drive, you hairy sow

Or we'll take a solemn vow

To kill you in your sleep

And leave your body parts in a heap!"

 

"And how are you going to manage that? You're all fused together. I'll bet you're going to have trouble walking, let alone commit murder and dismemberment."

 

"We'll find a way.

Now hurry, okay?"

 

Bluto slows the car. "Hey, Slaughter! Look what I've got!" Several members of a local motorcycle gang look at the fused, red lump of people in the back of the car and begin laughing.

 

"Pull over! Your blob can be the entertainment at our Big Bang appreciation party!"

 

Bluto turns to the frightened lump of friends and says, "Should we stop and party or do you want to go to the Emergency Room? More death threats means we party. Otherwise--"

 

"No threats! Just kidding!

To the ER we are heading!"

 

"Good." Bluto shouts to the gang, "Sorry, maybe later!"

 

Unfortunately, the leather-clad lads don't appear to appreciate the snub, and jump on their bikes in pursuit.

 

To be continued...

 

 

 

 

 

 

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PovertyRow

PovertyRow

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The Lurkers are experiencing strange and incredibly painful transformations...."Man, this transformation is strange!" says Fokker..."And incredibly painful!" adds otis.

 

Right from the get-go! Classic Joanna! Yeeehaaaaaa! (and may I add SWEET!)

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PovertyRow

PovertyRow

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I have to say - "Mylite" is one of the funniest characters I in this epic!
smirk.gif

 

Smirk all you want, Gregorian Chanter! It takes a class act like Joanna to make something interesting out of YOU! Bwahhahahaahhaaaaa! sumo.gif27_laughing.gif

 

and the classic Gregsteranian confused-smiley-013.gif

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Illiterati-migration

Illiterati-migration

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Sigh...Kween's alive! Damn attention hogger! 893frustrated.gif

 

cloud9.gifcloud9.gifcloud9.gifcloud9.gifcloud9.gif

 

I think I know what Joanna's getting for Chriiiisssstmaaaassssss.... a commissoned oil painting of me in my Supergirl outfit! (Don't worry, this time it will be tasteful. I promise. Stop crying! Honestly.)

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Illiterati-migration

Illiterati-migration

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me in my Supergirl outfit!...it will be tasteful

 

ANd I was talking about rifts, schisms and dichotmies in the CGC Label thread????? OMG!!!!!!!! shocked.gif

 

You're STILL talking about that down there?? You're all going to get The Cancer, what with your blowing smoke like that!

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PovertyRow

PovertyRow

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You're STILL talking about that down there?? You're all going to get The Cancer, what with your blowing smoke like that!

 

I would not qualify that with an answer but have to answer " " so maybe I STILL haven't qualified that with an answer. sumo.gifmakepoint.gifconfused-smiley-013.gif

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greggy

greggy

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Oh come on, you're all excited about the painting, aren't you?

 

Er... yes, of course -- that's what I'm excited about. Uh huh. You betcha.

How about a sweet DC? confused-smiley-013.gif
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