dover

Big KUDOS to shark2557 and ft88 for helping me with my WTB Peanuts!!

And to The Resurrection for buying some junk to support my habit!

Thank you to all!

Mass copies rule!!!

working on my reader copies.

Dear Tech Support:

>

> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed

> that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a

> lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed

> itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system

> activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting

> and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6

> no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

>

> I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background

> while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about

> going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife

> 1.0. Please help!

>

> Thanks,

> A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

> ______________________________________

>

> REPLY:

> Dear Troubled User:

>

> This is a very common problem that men complain about.

>

> Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it

> is

> just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING

> SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also

> impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is

> impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system

> once

> installed.

>

> You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to

> not

> allow this. Look in

> your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend

> that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest

> installing the background application "Yes

> Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

>

> The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because

> ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the

> system

> will return to normal anyway.

>

> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

> Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep

> 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

>

> However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will

> cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,

> the only! way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase

> additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

>

> WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With

> Short

> Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause

> irreversible damage to the operating system.

>

> Best of luck

que Butthead giggling......salad cream......

radishes? no way, don't like 'em.

tomatoes....love them! Had one from the plant tonight.

one blueberry cake and one double chocolate. It is DD, right?

everyone in my family gets a blueberry cake!!!

my second is a plain ole glazed...my son goes for the cin/glazed twist... girls tend to like the boston cremes, and one daughter goes for the chocolate!

blueberry cake, makes me feel like I'm getting a fruit....

2003

Scrooge

2004

xsmanx, JordanScott, Stronguy, namisgr

2005

kingofrulers, Crows

2006

joeypost, nepatkm, lookwhoitis; Rodan57; Dover

2007

BlowUpTheMoon, MacMan, Count, blue808, Mr. Diggler, trmoore54,MR.COMICBOOK, JazzMan

2008

Comicopolis, Boozad, Nmtg9

2009

slym2none, ashsaytr

one blueberry cake and one double chocolate. It is DD, right?

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take anything you say too seriously.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford."

Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the "kicker":

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

AND.....................

Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a

warehouse.....

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater...

back to the humor!

Pardons all around.

 

I wish I still had an old Durham NC phone book - I mess you not, there was a couple listed in the book, last name Dover and he was Ben, she was Eileen.

 

I thought it was a joke, but it was there for years, and ***I*** was certainly not going to call the number and ask.

 

 

 

-slym

you think I heard that one before? That is a nick name I got in racing. Could be many stories as to where it came from and it could be my favorite saying at the Gentlmen Clubs frequented on the road trips.......

But, unfortunately, you don't get to pick your nick name, it picks you.

 

Dover - is your first name Ben?

 

Is his wife's name Eileen?

 

 

 

-slym

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....