So I pawed my way through greggy's sweet, sweet DC's the other day...

[lighthouse]

Warning: This post contains no actual comic information, and a lot of it is made up anyway. Read at your own risk...

 

The wife had a certification exam in Vancouver over the weekend, so we loaded up the van with contraband and made a run for the border. The drive was uneventful, no blowouts, just lots of rain. The first border guard I talked to didn't seem pleased when I told him we were there to take an important exam. Apparently that's standard code for "infiltrate the transit worker's union so as to be in position to assassinate the Prime Minister". After the perfunctory strip search, I wound up front of a death squad until I told them my real reason for the trip was to visit a quality Asian Massage Parlor. That seemed far more plausible and I was back on the road with only a brief delay...

 

From what I understand, the approach into Vancouver on Hwy 99 is quite spectacular, with many beautiful views of the mountains and the city as the Hwy becomes Granville St. and takes you right through downtown. The only reason I know this is that on the way out of town it was nice and sunny and I got to see the spectacular vistas in my rear-view mirror. On the way in, however, all I saw was pouring rain and pretty lights.

 

We stayed at the Howard Johnson in downtown Vancouver. Our view of the side of the building next to us was quite nice, and there was a $12/day parking lot right next door. It's one of those lots where you buy a ticket that shows how much time you bought and you leave it on the dash. Apparently you can park there for far less than that by buying your ticket from the homeless men who hang out in the lot. They collect tickets that still have time left in exchange for not urinating on your tires, and then resell them to people who come in later.

 

The room was pleasant, even if it did slope 10 degrees toward the street. I was so tired when we arrived I didn't notice, but I really thought I was drunk the next morning until I dropped a shampoo bottle and it rolled six feet across the room. The hotel was kind enough to provide copies of The National Post, a Canadian newspaper. Their coverage of Bush's visit to Iraq was very different from my own paper, and to this day my local paper has yet to mention that Bush's visit trumped a same-day visit by Hillary Clinton to Afghanistan. It seemed a big deal to the Canadians, but my local paper didn't even report the Clinton story...

 

On Saturday morning I dropped the wife off at the University of British Columbia, which I must say has one of the prettiest campuses I have ever seen (that may be saying something since my alma mater is famous for having the highest gardener to student ratio in North America at more than a gardener per 10 students). I killed an hour before meeting with greggy and his lackeys at greggy's fortified compound. His sweet DC's are protected by an elite security team, a dozen lions, a cobra pit, optical scanners, electrified fences and a drunk Irishman singing show tunes. The process to get inside took nearly an hour. It might have been faster but it took me a while to provide the required urine sample for the drug screen.

 

Once inside, I was greeted like an old friend who might try to steal something. Bronty and Greggy were both very cordial but I kept noticing a red spot on my shirt that looked suspiciously like a laser sight from a concealed gun emplacement. Before I was allowed to see the books, I had to sign a confidentiality agreement, and was given a serum of some sort. They said I would receive the antidote in a few days. I hope it's on the way.

 

I can't go into much detail if I hope to survive through the week, but let me say that greggy has some of the sweetest DC's I have ever seen. There were many, many drool-worthy books. Greggy was particularly proud of his collection of 100-pagers, and rightfully so. Truly some gorgeous books. And some of his non-traditional collectibles were really cool. To be fair, I didn't see a single Wonder Woman doll anywhere in the place, although I didn't have a chance to look under the bed, and probably wouldn't have been brave enough to try...

 

After an hour or so, Bronty was ready to claw out his own eyes to avoid having to see one more 100-pager, and thankfully Odin arrived. He had brought a book for me to look at, and I was so happy to see a book I could actually afford that I snapped it up immediately for the price of 3 Purples. Our business complete, we left through the secret exit and drove to a sushi place for lunch. To anyone else it looked like four guys having a meal, but on two occasions, greggy made small hand gestures and the waitstaff began beating other patrons to death in their seats. The power this man wields is truly incredible...

 

Lunch was quite good. I don't remember half of what we ordered, but getting twenty different items at an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant is some good... The only thing I didn't try were the oysters that looked strangely like twice-baked potatoes and apparently contained large quantities of lard. But everything else was outstanding.

 

On the way back, Odin snapped a couple pictures of the group. I assume he'll post them here at some point.

 

All in all, my visit with the Vancouver Triad was quite enjoyable. In fact, it was almost as good as the visit to the Asian Massage Parlor that followed... I almost didn't go, but I mean hey, I don't want to have lied to the guys at the border, do I?

[supapimp]

it was almost as good as the visit to the Asian Massage Parlor that followed...

 

now i know your blowing chunks out of your arse!

[joe_collector]

I was so happy to see a book I could actually afford that I snapped it up immediately for the price of 3 Purples.

 

Hilarious post, but this line had me laughing.

 

Hokay Mr Yankee, dat be 3 Purples fer ma sweet, sweet Canuck book...

[lighthouse]

I was so happy to see a book I could actually afford that I snapped it up immediately for the price of 3 Purples.

 

Hilarious post, but this line had me laughing.

 

Hokay Mr Yankee, dat be 3 Purples fer ma sweet, sweet Canuck book...

 

It was actually two Greens with a Purple change but that was much better than greggy's books, which seemed to start at Browns and Reds...

[greggy]

It was actually two Greens with a Purple change but that was much better than greggy's books, which seemed to start at Browns and Reds...

You'll regret not buying that book and buying odin's crappy book! You will pay!

[joe_collector]

It was actually two Greens with a Purple change but that was much better than greggy's books, which seemed to start at Browns and Reds...

 

I can remember one time I paid my tuition with a Pink... and almost didn't get out of there alive...

[aardvark88]

Alas, my camera is older than my car, so we will have to wait at least a month for me to finish off the film. Shots of Lighthouse & the Cgc triad are on the same roll of film as Stan Lee live in Vancouver!

We took a pic in front of a statue with a rocketship on top. But the significance of the sight was lost on those neophytes. Statue commemorated the sheet metal workers in Vancouver. It was based on the 1936 Flash Gordon serials & the rocketship design also appeared on the classic Zatara front cover to Action #12.

Unfortunately, I did not have time to explain this to Lighthouse as he needed time to find the massage parlor on the map before meeting up with his spouse for dinner.

[Joanna]

I envy you your tour of greggy's sweet, sweet DC's, 'House. That would be a heavenly sight indeed.

 

sigh.

 

-- Joanna

[Bronty]

Ah, just develop the damn roll. I'll pay for half of the development you cheapskate!

[Bronty]

Am I the only one having Reservoir Dogs flashbacks? Mr Pink, Mr Green, etc..

[greggy]

Am I the only one having Reservoir Dogs flashbacks? Mr Pink, Mr Green, etc..

[lighthouse]

Am I the only one having Reservoir Dogs flashbacks? Mr Pink, Mr Green, etc..

 

I don't even know how much a "Pink" would be... Even the Massage Parlor was only a Brown and a Red...

[Bronty]

I've never seen one but I assume Joe must be referring to the $1000 bill, it's the only denomination left. They're pretty scarce.. as far as Joe public is concerned anyway. (I'm sure currency collectors don't consider it scarce).

[joe_collector]

I've never seen one but I assume Joe must be referring to the $1000 bill, it's the only denomination left.

 

Yeah, one year an insufficiently_thoughtful_person friend of mine convinced me (as a lark) to ask the bank for $1000 bills to pay my University tuition. It caused quite a stir with the registration clerks, not to mention the bozo hung them out the window on the ride back.

[scottish]

 

That was frickin' great!

[plitch]

Great story! Shooo SHWEET!

 

Did you wife pass her exam? Is she now certified?!?!

[garthgantu]

Great story! Shooo SHWEET!

 

Did you wife pass her exam? Is she now certified?!?!

 

And if so, does this mean you can now receive the same professional treatment at home that you had to drive so far to get previously?

[lighthouse]

Great story! Shooo SHWEET!

 

Did you wife pass her exam? Is she now certified?!?!

 

She won't know for another four weeks. Then a couple weeks after that they give her the official word that she is permitted to use the letters "CFRE" after her name... As it stands now, she is more than qualified to run a $5 million capital campaign or a $500K special charity event. With the "CFRE" designation, she can take the next step, and run say a $50 million capital campaign to build a new cancer center at a hospital, or an event that raises $2M for charity in a single evening. She's had the skillset to be at that level for some time, but some things require having some letters after your name... Best guess is, that she will be one of the 25 youngest people in North America to ever receive the certification. Most philanthropy professionals don't even attempt the exam until they are in their 50s...

 

Needless to say, I am quite proud... and awfully lucky to have such a great meal ticket wife...

[aardvark88]

Lighthouse visited on a rare day when it actually stopped raining in Vancouver. Pic of the rocketship that must be over 7 feet long. It points in the direction of Asian delights.