Sorta OT: As you have gotten older....

[Foolkiller]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

[Ryan.]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

Absolutely. Throughout my twenties I had a core group of male friends that I went out with every weekend into downtown Boston to drink ourselves retarded and get into adventures. Then everyone meets their "serious" girl and marriages and children ensue and now it's all about morgages and babies and being taken seriously at work. No time for new or old friends.

[Annihilus]

Yep, definitely....the exception being online 'friendships'. I've got a lot more of those than I did when I was younger. I'd certainly hang out with some of my online friends if we lived closer together.

[Waylander]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I have fewer guys friends because of...

 

Wife

Children

Work

Comics

Writing

 

Darn everything important to me starts with C or W - no G

 

 

[Crows]

I have no friends

[Wrightson fan]

Brian, you are not alone. Life has tried its best to suck the will to live out of me from time to time, but you just have to keep chugging on. Marriage, kids, work, mortgage, car notes, are the things that kill you, but also keep you going. With that said, the time to form new friendships is simply not going to happen. It takes time to cultivate a deep relationship with someone. Time was something that we had when we were young, not so much when we are raising a family, edging the yard and watching our cholestorol. You and I are friends on Facebook. I try to keep the amount of friends I have on there rather limited. Even with that said, I probably have regular contact with less than 5 of those good people. It is just how life is.....there is simply not enough time. It used to bother me as well that I felt like I did not have any "friends". You are not a social ******. You are as normal as the next guy, dealing with a changing world that wants to move at the speed of sound.

[Schmakt]

I think it depends on your job as well... I just turned 34 last month... started my current job (in an office) about15 months ago and have definitely picked up several people from around the office with whom I do things socially. Usually either drinking or playing disc golf. If I had a non-office job or didn't change jobs, I guess that wouldn't have happened.

 

Then again, I recently found another fellow disc golfer who works at a bar I frequent a few months ago; we've hung out several times, but, again... usually drinking or golfing.

 

That I live within walking distance of these bars and these people probably helps... also that I'm a barfly... and have no girlfriend/kids/pets... I've actually made more friends in the last year or two than I have in the previous four or five. But I had a girlfriend back then...

 

Women are obviously the problem.

[godquest]

My wife and I were just having the same conversation. We wish we had more like minded friends to hang out with, go to dinner with and socialize. Life does get in the way. Seems more now than ever. It seems like an American thing. I have cousins in Germany who work as hard as we do but seem to have a great group of friends that hang out quite often. They make the time.

[october]

My wife and I were just having the same conversation. We wish we had more like minded friends to hang out with, go to dinner with and socialize. Life does get in the way. Seems more now than ever. It seems like an American thing. I have cousins in Germany who work as hard as we do but seem to have a great group of friends that hang out quite often. They make the time.

 

Making the time is the key. I have married friends that immediately fell off the social map and I have married friends that go out more than I do. Like anything else in life, if you want it bad enough it will happen. I will say that it's hard to meet new guy friends if you don't happen to work with them. I got lucky, as my office has 4 or 5 guys and 4 or 5 girls who are 25 to 30 years old and go out on a regular basis. It was easy for me to just fall in with them. Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

[Dr. Balls]

All of my old high school best friends are raging alcoholics now (at 38) and have families. I don't have kids, and I don't drink or into sports - so there's not much I have in common with them anymore. I probably haven't talked to one of those guys in months. The one comic collector I met in the three years since I've left NYC - the wife does not approve because she doesn't like his wife. So that's out.

 

Life gets in the way. Work, second job, house projects, do laundry, pay bills, clean house, run errands, see family - there isn't much time for anything else after marriage. I guess I figured that's the cost of getting old and getting married.

 

I don't have any new guy friends, and even if I did - the missus wouldn't be interested in me having friends. She's a slavedriver!

[Dr. Balls]

Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

Said the guy with no kids, no mortgage or a car payment.

[PulpCultureComics]

I find that most men have a common ground when it comes to sport, hobbies and beer...that's how I met most of my friends.

 

It's more dificult now I've got a family of my own but I still meet up with my mates and go to the game or just the pub...Six Nations (Rugby) starts tomorrow so Sat/Sun in the pub

 

 

[Scrooge]

Do you mean to say I have to talk to people?

 

Definitely tougher with family time commitment on top of work. For me to have the time, additional burdens would fall on Heidi. As much as I would like to hang out more, the cost on her is not something I am willing to offload to her.

[JiveTurkeyMoFo]

Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

Said the guy with no kids, no mortgage or a car payment.

 

No kidding. I find myself keeping in touch with my high school buddies once every 4-6 months. My single co-workers actively hit the bars, and they're a great bunch of guys, but who the heck has time for that when you have real-world obligations?

 

Wife.

Child.

Work.

House with lots of projects.

Rental House with demanding tennants.

Comic business.

Comic hobby.

Taxes.

Lawn.

Groceries.

Bills and budgets.

Yada, yada, yada.

 

I wouldn't trade anything for the days of being single and unencumbered of all my current responsibilites, but I do admit they were simpler times.

[Scrooge]

Let me add that if we find time / we have time, we'd rather spend the time together (meaning without the kid). It would be silly for me to run off then to hang out with guy friend when I have so little quality / quiet time with my wife.

[gcstomp]

Its true, hard to make (or maintain) friends now as I am older. Problem is not just the wife and the honeydo list, and work and trying to care for our ancient relatives (yeah florida). Now that I am 40 (ouch) a good nap trumps most anything. I used to do the bar thing, paintball with a couple friends, workout at gym with someone to motivate each other . But its all just too tiring, need a nap.

[joeypost]

I am involved with charitable organizations as well as team sports, so I would say the opposite is true in my case. I have made more male friends in the last 10 years compared tot he first 38.

 

[skypinkblu]

I was just talking about this yesterday...I was going somewhere with one of my GF's yesterday and she was complaining that her husband had wanted to go with us, and she told him it was women only. She said he has "no friends" and she wished he'd find stuff to do on his own.

 

I said when my husband was young, he had a crew of guys he played ball with, hung out with (mostly at my house, I think)...etc, then they all got married and kind of faded away. We still have friends we see socially from work, or who we know for years, and even some new ones from the boards we like a lot and have even traveled with... but he doesn't have the same kind of crew he did when he was younger. His card game broke up and he's never quite gotten one back together. Most of the contacts we get together with are mine...just always been that way, and we've been married a long time. He doesn't call and make arrangements unless I specifically ask him to, and even then, I have to provide the "phone number";)

 

It seems for most of our friends, with one or two exceptions, the wife makes most of the social plans...it just kind of falls that way as one of our many "jobs"...it's work to keep up relationships and a job many guys are kind of happy to give up after they are married;)

 

He did somehow manage to invite a crew over for Sunday... I'm totally in charge of refreshments;)

[Brian48]

I really have no friends any more. I have some good relationships with some of the guys at work, but we don't really hang out. They're pretty much in the same boat. Right after work, we have to rush home to take care of the kids and do our usual chores around the house. Weekends are just as busy. I can't even remember when was the last time I even went to the movies with the wife.

 

All my best friends are ex-Marines and we are pretty much spread out across the US with little opportunity to even catch up and talk on a normal basis.

[The Troll King]

I guess I've been fortunate.

 

I've met a few people on these boards that I connect with pretty well and feel like I've known for a long time. They know who they are.

 

The freedom of being self-employed makes a difference as well and the work I do. I've been able to go hunting with some new people and have met like-minded guys that I otherwise wouldn't have met.

 

I don't seek out new people really but sometimes you just click with the ones you meet.