Keeping the ladies at bay...

[nik]

My wife is pretty cool and understanding about my comic hobby. She usually says "its better than you going out to strip joints or bars", and she uses it against me by saying " If I ever catch you cheating on me I will start a bon-fire with your collection"

[DKB]

I've got it made. I've managed to get my girlfriend of almost 4 years into comics, new stuff of course. Anything by Bendis is an instant hit with her. She loves Fables, Supreme Power, Courtney Crumrin, Queen & Country. On top of that she digs playing 2p console games with me, Baldur's Gate and the like. The key is to find a chick who's as big a closet dork as you are and hope that when you find her, she's a piece of [!@#%^&^] to boot.

 

She does give me [!@#%^&^] about me buying excessively on eBay. Her female mind figures thats money that could be going towards a ring, vacation, a ring, furniture, possibly a ring, dinner, or, you know, a ring. She used to be fine with it, cause she was amused by the glee I'd emanate when a package arrived. That wore off.

[shadow2026]

 

Some of these posts are very funny! I think she gives me grief about it more because it's new, because it's something I just started. Maybe when I get a little better at it I'll be able to "flip" books and use the profit for buying more books, then she won't mind so much. Hey maybe I can use that as an angle to get a scanner;

 

"Hon, if I don't have a scanner then people won't be able to see what they're buying and I'll get less for the books than if I had a scan of them."

 

I love her to death, and if she didnt get on me and just blindly accepted everything I did and every choice I'd made, I'd probably be bored

 

For those of you who said you'd get rid of a woman because she didn't accept a part of you, I can understand that, if she came into your life knowing that it was a part of you, and decided later that she couldn't handle it, but like me, I decided to start collecting well after we were together, so if it ever came down to that, (which I know it wouldn't), I would get rid of my collection and stop collecting.

 

Vince

[Darthdiesel]

You're goin' down like a crack ho!

 

:says with the conviction of personal experience:

 

[BassGMan]

The thing is.... you can't let the little lady get the upper hand anywhere in your life, or in the home. For example, we all know how women are about decorating and making the home look "pretty" and all that. Well us guys like it a certain way too. We have to show our personalities as well, and not just let the wife/girlfriend have everything look their way. My wife likes pretty things like fine china, flowers and fluffy pillows. I like evil looking monsters. I have a large mean-looking stuffed werewolf that I wanted to display in full-eye's view somewhere in our home. She thought it was disgusting. So it's new home is on our bed. When the bed is made we have several pink and yellow pillows and a few cute teddy bears with a big werewolf in the middle. My wife has a china cabinet filled with what she considers beautiful gold-plated china. I bought a cool looking and fragile figurine of two skeletons (with tongues) french kissing along with the words "Love Is Forever" inscribed in the base. What do you think her reaction to that was when I wanted to put it in the china cabinet? Well, it is in the middle shelf right in front of the gold-plated china teacups.

This is who I am. She needs to let me express myself too. And she has learned to do so. My suggestion is to never let the wife or girlfriend limit the way you like to express yourself or get in the way of what you like to do or collect. And vice-versa, of course. -----Sid

[Darthdiesel]

After seeing examples of your taste, maybe you are BETTER off letting the wife's decisions rule in the decorating arena

[Harvey Dude]

Sid that was well Said !

[thecomicsheet]

I came home from a 3 day business trip once to find that my wife had rented a storage building and hired some movers to come in and transfer my 16,000 books from the house to the storage building.

 

She had the sense to rent a climate controlled facility, but still! Things were a might testy around chez Buchanan for a while. I still have nightmares thinking about my poor collection being subjected to the tender mercies of the movers (Larry, Darryl, and Darrell )

 

Then I noticed that we actually had a family room in our house that we could use. It's no longer stacked floor to ceiling with books. The kids play in there and I can actually sit and watch television without having my view blocked by stacks of books.

 

Time has passed and I have moved a few boxes back to the house (out of the way in a closet - mostly) but I do try to keep the clutter down a bit.

[joe_collector]

The thing is.... you can't let the little lady get the upper hand anywhere in your life, or in the home.

 

From how you're mouthing off, I wouldn't imagine you'd need much decorating in your CAVE, man!

[shadow2026]

After seeing examples of your taste, maybe you are BETTER off letting the wife's decisions rule in the decorating arena

 

 

I tend to leave the decorating up to my wife, she's good at it, although I really cant stand the fluffy little frilly pillows she insists on keeping on the bed. She's got pictures and flower vases (mostly fake flower arrangements, but very nice looking), and all kinds of stuff, but she pulls it off and makes it look good, so I don't mess with the overall motif.

 

However, if I did want to add something to the decoration I could! Of course she'd take it down when I wasn't looking but that's the beauty of our relationship; she does what she wants, and I do what she wants, and we get along !

 

Vince

[Mr. Zipper]

The thing is.... you can't let the little lady get the upper hand anywhere in your life, or in the home.

 

I just bought a house with my fiance, so I am learning the fine art of compromise.

 

We went furniture shopping for several rooms recently and we both have to be happy with what we select. She's mostly responsible for the decor in the house, so no comic stuff in the bedroom or living room...

 

But the computer room, garage, and basement are mine and fair game for my stuff. I have a comic room with industrial shelving and bookcases in the basement and have my Superman and FF lithos framed and hanging in the computer room.

 

She knew about comics when we first started dating, so she can't complain too much... but she does get a dig in once in a while. If she does, I tell her at least my stuff won't be worthless and donated to the City Mission in 2 years like all her clothes and shoes that she never wears.

 

Oh yeah... and I have my ebay purchases delivered to work so she can't keep track of what I'm spending.

[thecomicsheet]

..she does what she wants, and I do what she wants, and we get along !

 

Vince

 

Here's a man that knows the secret to marital harmony!

[chrisco37]

You're goin' down like a crack ho!

 

:says with the conviction of personal experience:

 

 

[Stronguy]

This is easy -- I just hold up a box of Gold and Silver and say, "This box will put our son thru college. This box will let me retire 5 years early. These boxes here will pay off our house." End of discussion.

 

Actually my wife is very supportive. She has no problem at all with me dropping hundreds or thousands on a book. She always says, "It's your hobby. I'm sure you'll make a good decision."

[Darthdiesel]

I tend to leave the decorating up to my wife, she's good at it, although I really cant stand the fluffy little frilly pillows she insists on keeping on the bed. She's got pictures and flower vases (mostly fake flower arrangements, but very nice looking), and all kinds of stuff, but she pulls it off and makes it look good, so I don't mess with the overall motif.

 

Totally agree here, Vince. The way I look at it, I don't go messing where I'm clearly am out of my league and current good taste in decorating is something that I have no knowledge of nor would I ever have that interest as long as my wife is around. If decor were up to me, everything would be a "sharp utilitarian, black, techno" motif that I never outgrew since college I always had to have the latest in tech/TV/stereo/media storage but everything else could have been from the 70's for all I cared. If it weren't for my wife's good tastes, we probably could never have people over to our home and not be ashamed of how it looks

 

However, if I did want to add something to the decoration I could! Of course she'd take it down when I wasn't looking but that's the beauty of our relationship; she does what she wants, and I do what she wants, and we get along !

 

I love this thought... and I know exactly what you mean. We all contribute something positive and different to our relationship. She asks my opinion on things and I give it just to be a good sport, knowing full well that my input has no bearing whatsoever on a decision that has already been made and implemented long before my opinon was sought.

 

My rules for keeping my wife at bay:

 

1) Don't spend "our money" (income from jobs, credit, etc) on comics. Keep the spending within your means. That holds true for any purchases in life (car, house, entertainment) but in today's materialistic, credit driven society, the weaker willed fall prey to the lure of advertising and trying to "keep up with the Joneses".

2) Try not to go on binges where you get packages daily. Nothing upsets a woman more when boxes keep arriving but nothing in there is for her.

3) Keep clutter factor down. Get rid of boxes, reuse, recycle, whatever. They are unsightly and give something for your wife to harp on and make you clean all the time. If your two year old is eating styrofoam peanuts of the floor, then you know it's time to clean up.

4) Tell her about sales if you have any. Recently, I hosted auctions that helped offset costs for my dog Peanut's surgery. She knows I love variants and when she saw that I actually sold some of them for the dog, she was touched. It feels good for her to know that money is coming in and not just going out all the time. I find she is "happiest" when she hears what I sell CGC 9.9 and CGC 10.0 books... probably the reason why I have kids now

5) Keep comic reading/forum time/sorting/inventory at a set time where it doesn't interfere with family quality time. If the two don't mix, there are no problems 'cause everyone gets what they want. I find that I can read most of my weekly new comics in the can and then get rid of them by listing them as NM/MT copies qualified with "stuff" on the cover

6)have incentives for keeping the stock/inventory down. If I sell half my "collection", I get to use that towards a nice new big plasma screen. Actually that was the deal until I found out we were having a 2nd baby this Thanksgiving - now the motivation is to sell the inventory so that I can clear out the rough-in it is being stored in and finish converting that space into a full bath on the bottom level. Diff'rent strokes for doff'rent folks.

 

7) I rarely pull this card but you can emphasize how much better that this is your one vice vs. gambling, drinking, whoring, strip joints, etc. When I was single, I was all about the other things even when I was dating my wife. I didn't know what was going on in the latest X-men issue, but I knew all the strippers by name and which ones owed me "favors" in exchange for drinks on their tab, which ones worked on what nights, etc... I have this really memorable incident about getting caught at a bachelor party in a compromising position... but that's a little OT for another time

Anyway, point is, weighing comic collecting vs. the plethora of relationship damaging things men are usually interested in, puts comic collecting relatively up on a pedestal

[tilleycs]

I'm always more concerned about my comics making a mess than my fiance is. I keep my long boxes in the closet in our spare bedroom, and a long box of duplicates (for trading) and whatever I've gotten in recently (and haven't had time to put away) in a corner. It always bothers me more than it does her when I have what I think is a mess (several stacks on the floor beside the box, if I've gotten a mixed lot in from ebay).

 

She usually has a bigger mess than I do (magazines, papers, notebooks, receipts, pens/pencils, empty coffee cups and soda cans, etc. all over the place), so she obviously can't say anything. And her brother has always collected comics, so she has no problem with me doing it. If it makes me happy, she has no problem with it.

 

As far as decorating, I could care less. I'm *glad* she's interested in it. Otherwise, it would look like every apartment I've ever lived in - nothing on the walls, no decoration whatsoever (I really have no time for or interest in that [!@#%^&^]; I've got pictures and award from my volunteer work that I've never bothered to hang up).

 

Fortunately, in most areas, we don't have a "me too!" compulsion like with a previous poster's decorating. We just don't feel like we have to spite each other or get in our little shots and take away one's joy in what they do. We're a team.

[jimm94]

I was talking to fellow forumite sckao at a show last weekend, and he asked what my wife thought of my comic book collecting. My response was "As long as it doesn't cost any money or take up space, she's fine with it!"

 

Seriously, she knows that it is one of my passions (if not obsessions) in life, and I try to not let my spending interfere with our ability to buy "us" things or "her" things. I also don't try to pretend with her that comics are some great future investment, although she understands that many of the older books I buy will likely have a long-term collectible value. She's too smart for that! I've been slowly conditioning her to not look so freaked out when she asks how much something cost.

 

I help leverage my comic collecting karma by doing freelance photography work, and last weekend I set up at my very first show to clear out some surplus comics and toys. Sales were slow, but I learned a lot for next time and loved doing it. She knows that money earned from those pursuits is pretty much mine to do with as I please, but I try not to be completely greedy and selfish with that money. I love my wife dearly, so I manage to keep her as spoiled as I can. It's not a completely altruistic gesture, however, I have this partially facetious philosophy called "Equal Or Greater Value" where whatever amount of money I spend on her, I get to spend an equal or greater amount on myself. It started out as a joke between us, but it actually kinda works except for the "greater" part!

 

The biggest thing I've learned in three years of marriage is that you shouldn't let money or possessions become an issue between you. Did I mention that I just spent $700 on new plates for "us" (her)? San Diego here I come!!!!

[BassGMan]

The thing is.... you can't let the little lady get the upper hand anywhere in your life, or in the home.

 

From how you're mouthing off, I wouldn't imagine you'd need much decorating in your CAVE, man!

 

Quite NOT dude.

 

I compromise with my wife all the time, and we each have our own office to decorate as we please. But there is a whole lot rest of the house to deal with. And I for one do not think it shows a lack of class or even lack of ability to decorate by displaying non-traditional art including fun stuff like monsters instead of fluffy pillows. Most of the decorating is left up to my wife as I am happy to let her do it. However, I most definitely want my personality and interests to shine through as well. What? We only have CEOs, foreign diplomats and priests over that need to see a conservatively decorated and traditional home? What about my friends that like a good monster instead of a vase of flowers or a Tales From The Crypt hardcover volume on the coffee table instead of a travel book? I hate it when guys interests are squelched by their wives or girlfriends. If you don't mind, then more power to you, but I'm not one to just give up all the rights to the interior of my home to the wife. And if my wife surprised me with moving out all my books or taking down my own personalized decor? Well... we'd have an argument that would shock the neighbors and my stuff would go right back up. This would never happen though because she knows me and realizes that most of the house is left up to her. ------Sid

[Jagull]

My wife is pretty cool and understanding about my comic hobby. She usually says "its better than you going out to strip joints or bars", and she uses it against me by saying " If I ever catch you cheating on me I will start a bon-fire with your collection"

ouch

[shadow2026]

My rules for keeping my wife at bay:

 

1) Don't spend "our money" (income from jobs, credit, etc) on comics. Keep the spending within your means. That holds true for any purchases in life (car, house, entertainment) but in today's materialistic, credit driven society, the weaker willed fall prey to the lure of advertising and trying to "keep up with the Joneses".

2) Try not to go on binges where you get packages daily. Nothing upsets a woman more when boxes keep arriving but nothing in there is for her.

3) Keep clutter factor down. Get rid of boxes, reuse, recycle, whatever. They are unsightly and give something for your wife to harp on and make you clean all the time. If your two year old is eating styrofoam peanuts of the floor, then you know it's time to clean up.

4) Tell her about sales if you have any. Recently, I hosted auctions that helped offset costs for my dog Peanut's surgery. She knows I love variants and when she saw that I actually sold some of them for the dog, she was touched. It feels good for her to know that money is coming in and not just going out all the time. I find she is "happiest" when she hears what I sell CGC 9.9 and CGC 10.0 books... probably the reason why I have kids now

5) Keep comic reading/forum time/sorting/inventory at a set time where it doesn't interfere with family quality time. If the two don't mix, there are no problems 'cause everyone gets what they want. I find that I can read most of my weekly new comics in the can and then get rid of them by listing them as NM/MT copies qualified with "stuff" on the cover

6)have incentives for keeping the stock/inventory down. If I sell half my "collection", I get to use that towards a nice new big plasma screen. Actually that was the deal until I found out we were having a 2nd baby this Thanksgiving - now the motivation is to sell the inventory so that I can clear out the rough-in it is being stored in and finish converting that space into a full bath on the bottom level. Diff'rent strokes for doff'rent folks.

 

7) I rarely pull this card but you can emphasize how much better that this is your one vice vs. gambling, drinking, whoring, strip joints, etc. When I was single, I was all about the other things even when I was dating my wife. I didn't know what was going on in the latest X-men issue, but I knew all the strippers by name and which ones owed me "favors" in exchange for drinks on their tab, which ones worked on what nights, etc... I have this really memorable incident about getting caught at a bachelor party in a compromising position... but that's a little OT for another time

Anyway, point is, weighing comic collecting vs. the plethora of relationship damaging things men are usually interested in, puts comic collecting relatively up on a pedestal

 

Very good rules to follow! I'll bear them in mind! I especially like the one about the packages, as my first mail order package she thought was for her but it ended up being for me. She didn't say anything about it, but I could tell she was a little jealous Everyone likes to get packages, its fun! I'm thinking of maybe once in a while ordering something for her (not comic books though ), so that I'm not the only one getting packages and she doesnt feel "left out".

 

All good advice here, and she herself has often brought up #7, telling me that at least I'm not cheating/a drug addict/alcoholic or anything like that. I smoke (but so does she), very socially I'll drink, and rarely to excess, don't do any drugs at all, and never cheat on her, so I think she realizes it could be worse

 

Vince