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11 Crisis On Infinite Earths to go...

Started by Illiterati-migration,

55 posts in this topic

Illiterati-migration

Illiterati-migration

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fainting.jpg

 

I assure you that my transactions take place in only the most private of locales with no flash photography allowed. This is not a precaution to protect the books from overexposure to light but rather to protect my anonymity and lily-white skin. As it turns out, my fair British skin is so photosensitive that I get a tan if someone turns on a flashlight. With that being said, that IS me in that picture and that IS the "Lady" Joanna and her cohort Lucille. (Their outmoded fashions are unmistakable.) I do not know who you have working for you, but I demand that that picture be destroyed. That book was a counterfeit and the "Lady" Joanna deserved the verbal trashing she received as a result.

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Red Hook

Red Hook

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My Dear Major,

 

Please be assured that our firm, The Jennings Camera Obscura Pictograph Company, LTD. of Devonshire, practices the utmost in discretion when deciding when or when not to release an image to the public. In this case, your constant whining and posturing, in combination with your rather advanced persecution complex, (and upon this judgement we have received confirmation from our good friend Fr. Jung), lead us to the not-easy decision to release the evidence of your misogynistic behavior and near violence in the totally self-absorbed continuance of your so-called "quest".

 

We do believe that you could spare a large majority of your captive audience the unending discomfort of your behavior, if you would either simply contact Mr. Rozanski of Denver, CO and order the remaining periodicals you desire in one fell swoop, or (as an alternative) simply cease to exist.

 

Your in courtesy,

 

Darius Thimblehoop, Esq.

Chief Pictographer, The Jennings Firm

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Illiterati-migration

Illiterati-migration

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My Dear Major,

 

Please be assured that our firm, The Jennings Camera Obscura Pictograph Company, LTD. of Devonshire, practices the utmost in discretion when deciding when or when not to release an image to the public. In this case, your constant whining and posturing, in combination with your rather advanced persecution complex, (and upon this judgement we have received confirmation from our good friend Fr. Jung), lead us to the not-easy decision to release the evidence of your misogynistic behavior and near violence in the totally self-absorbed continuance of your so-called "quest".

 

We do believe that you could spare a large majority of your captive audience the unending discomfort of your behavior, if you would either simply contact Mr. Rozanski of Denver, CO and order the remaining periodicals you desire in one fell swoop, or (as an alternative) simply cease to exist.

 

Your in courtesy,

 

Darius Thimblehoop, Esq.

Chief Pictographer, The Jennings Firm

 

It is truly astonishing, the abuse I must tolerate in my role as a public figure. "Advanced persecution complex," indeed. It should be apparent to all witnessing this exchange who has the complex, as I am merely the hapless victim in this forum-based bloodbath. I don't know what I could possibly have done to deserve this treatment, but I am beginning to feel a bit like a baby harp seal in a shark tank. Clearly, you are all cogs in the same machine, a machine that is hell-bent on deterring my quest to collect every issue of the Crisis on Infinite Earths twelve issue maxi-series. If I could so simply contact Chuck R., then why has he not contacted me?? Does he not CARE if I complete this nigh-impossible task?? Will we ALL not be better off as collectors, nay, as HUMAN BEINGS if I get this done?? What say you, Chuck R.?? Can you be so callous? Can you care so little for your fellow man? Obviously, the onus is not on me, but on the narrow, pony-tail-draped shoulders of Mr. Chuck R.

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Red Hook

Red Hook

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We here at the Jenning Firm have come to agreement amongst ourselves that you sir, may aptly be labeled, "unappreciative".

 

Perhaps there is a reflecting glass somewhere in your garret. May we suggest you move aside the issue of Crisis that is obviously taking up so much room in your abode (and we are not without sympathy, sir, of the pressure upon you of being a mere 91% away from completing your "run".) and standing in front of said glass, attempt a close examination of your true character, and how distorted your features become when you concern yourself too much with "The Major" and not enough with others.

 

Mr. Rozanski has been in contact with our firm and has assured us that he has arranged with the grandchildren of Mr. D. Stephens to supply you with near mint copies of your needed books at a mere 10 times guide. He awaits your response.

 

A good evening to you sir.

 

 

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chrisco37

chrisco37

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It took some digging, but here's an article I found about the Polka scene (I have not modified it in anyway):

 

Contrary to popular belief, the founding DJ of the polka sessions at Phnom Pehn Live was in fact a local DJ: Juhn Rhee. Jhun had been playing Oberek and well-known Slovenian Style when he was joined at the decks by a certain Chee Sop Koy, who was at a loose end after the closure of the Twisted Wheel-in-Motion. Chee had been playing records lent to him (for a fee, of course) by the son of a wealthy brothel owner, who after several holidays in Toledo, Ohio with his parents, had built up a formidable record collection. The lad with all the records was, of course, MajorKhaos . One week, Chee Sop Koy came down with the flu, and Khaos was persuaded to step up to the box (polka slang for accordion), and was such a success that he and Chee began to do alternate weeks.

 

At about this time, the Golden Shower in Chiang Mai opened. Toung Phan was poached by the Shower, which left Chee and Khaos in control of Live. However, the massive success of the Shower began to have an effect on the Live, and recommended by Toung Phan, MajorKhaos gained a spot at the Shower, his first night coinciding with the now legendary appearance of L’il Wally.

 

Unfortunately for the Shower, the pharmaceutical activities of the punters attracted the attention of the local authorities, and two significant DJs left to revive the polka sessions at the Phnom Pehn Live: Pan Juzef and Frankie Yankovic. MajorKhaos remained at the Shower until the last night and returned to the Live when Pan Juzef left.

 

Khaos and Frankie were a formidable partnership, with a joint mission to find and play the greatest SouthEast Polka sticks (clarinets) ever. Their phenomenal success, due mainly to MajorKhaos’s regular trips to Saigon, attracted the attention of a certain Dave “Scrubby” Seweryniak, who once a tempo was identified, would track down a copy and press up bootlegs in huge quantities and sell them to the eager “polkies”. This obviously annoyed Khaos and Yankovic, and led to the first "cover-ups", the practice of obscuring the push style, and inventing spurious artists and titles to conceal the identity of the true tempo. Frustrated by this, “Scrubby” negotiated the purchase of the Dyna-tones and Coalminers catalogue master tapes, and resorted to producing his own tempos, leading to disasters like the Brown Eye Bollocks’s and Average White Pollocks

 

The feud between Phnom Pehn Live and Siem Reap Casino is well known. Whereas the Casino preferred a traditional music policy of Jolly Joe and the Bavarians, the Live started to implement the newer, modern Honky Style to it's playlist. This injected a breath of fresh air into the polka scene, and even though it effectively split the scene from 1973 onwards, the “boxes” played at the Live then still sound fresh today. Khaos was also upset by the FOADemand and Buzzy debacles, and decided to have a go himself. He took the Versatones, The New Brass, Eddie Blazonczyk and L. J. Wozniak into a recording studio and released records on his own "Double Action" label. Eddie Wolinski immediately banned Khaos’s tempos from the Casino playlist, but in retrospect was himself responsible for playing many of Seweryniak's "home-made" tempos....

 

As Frankie Yankovik got funkier, playing sounds by artists such as Chuck Rozanski and the Brass Connection, MajorKhaos started to introduce a disco flavour to his polka, influenced by visits to gay clubs in Wilkes-Barre, PA. The Anq Thong Room moved further and further away from the SouthEastern scene and by the end of the seventies, had become the domain of Chicago-Style. Khaos moved away from the Phnom Pehn Live and concentrated on the high-energy Polka scene.

 

MajorKhaos’s production projects had their ups and downs. While having a massive hit with "High on Paint Fumes" by Evelyn Lubovinsky, the Slovenian-city project (an attempt to re-vitalise ex-Polka artist's careers) was a distinct failure, the only ray of light being "Everyone’s Against Me" by Frances Rajewski in 1991. Success finally arrived with Take That, and continued with Polish Boys Inc and Perogiezone. Khoas's recent movement into film production with the video "The Wide, Wide World of South East Asian Polka" can only attest to the fact that whether you love him or hate him, MajorKhaos is here to stay.

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Illiterati-migration

Illiterati-migration

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We here at the Jenning Firm have come to agreement amongst ourselves that you sir, may aptly be labeled, "unappreciative".

 

Perhaps there is a reflecting glass somewhere in your garret. May we suggest you move aside the issue of Crisis that is obviously taking up so much room in your abode (and we are not without sympathy, sir, of the pressure upon you of being a mere 91% away from completing your "run".) and standing in front of said glass, attempt a close examination of your true character, and how distorted your features become when you concern yourself too much with "The Major" and not enough with others.

 

Mr. Rozanski has been in contact with our firm and has assured us that he has arranged with the grandchildren of Mr. D. Stephens to supply you with near mint copies of your needed books at a mere 10 times guide. He awaits your response.

 

A good evening to you sir.

 

 

It occurs to me, while I sit staring at myself in this mirror, that it must be my own radiance and general luminescence that blinds you all to the importance of my life's work of collecting every Crisis On Infinite Earths.

And, might I add a bit of disgust and dismay at your "offer" of 10x guide pricing on the books I seek?? First, that is a LUDICROUS price to expect anyone to pay, and secondly, after my first experience with both the family of Dallas Stephens AND Chuck R., I will be eating ice cream in Satan's living room before I will pay good money for another "phantom" copy of a Crisis On Infinite Earths #12 (which may or may not actually be extant at this point).

Was it not your company that "arranged" the deal leading to the non-acquisition of my VG copy of Crisis On Infinite Earths #1?? Are you tatters?? Completely tatters??

I must retire to my quarters for now as my head is positively splitting and the only thing that will soothe it is a cup of tea and a massage from my manservant, Haughtington.

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Red Hook

Red Hook

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My Dear Major,

 

It is with regret that we must inform you that the aforementioned "extant" copy of Crisis on Infinite Earth #1 was indeed delivered to you. In fact, it was your manservant Haughtington who took delivery of it. We retain a receipt with his signature quite clearly upon it.

 

Perhaps, instead of indulging your paranoid streak and casting aspiration upon our firm, you should take your manservant firmly in hand and have, as we refer to it in the business, a heart-to-heart with him. Perhaps you were not aware, as we are, that Mr. Haughtington left his former employer, a certain Mr. Zurzolo, only a matter of days before he found his way into your employment. It is quite possible you may find some answers if you direct your inquires in that direction.

 

Mr. Rozanski has assured us that he is not put off in the least by your stated refusal to deal with him. He has in fact mentioned that his enthusiasm is only heightened when faced with a difficult customer. He has asked us to pass on to you the information that he will extend an additional 30% off any issue of COIE, all, as you know, in near-mint condition, if you simply apply to your order the secret password known only to you and us....ie....blamange.

 

If you have any further inquires, please address them to the current chairman of our illustrious board of directors and CEO, Sir Henry of Rawlinson's End.

 

A good evening to you sir.

 

Darius Thimblehoop, Esq.

Chief Pictographer, The Jennings Firm

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