In desperation...

[skybolt]

You know what, let's just end this debate once and for all:

[Foolkiller]

I have to agree with the Beyonder to a certain degree.

 

The problem with the scenario is that we do not know all of the facts or the real reason for why he may or may not be asked to give these comics up.

 

But if it is just that she wants him to give them up because she's tired of looking at them or they're taking up too much of your time or whatever, it's a fine line. Asking someone to give something up that they truly love or have a passion for just because you don't like it or think it's "dumb" is wrong to me, and is a denial of what that person actually is. If you give them up "for her" and don't really want to, there will always be that feeling of, well I gave up comics for "her"?

 

If there's truly a good reason for it, then perhaps she has a point...

[Silver Surfer]

Two school's of thought here:

 

If she wants you to dump $3,000 worth of comics just so you can go on a cruise then ask yourself is it worth it? Never buy comics again, even monthly readers? Sometimes with wife's/girlfriends its all about control so what's next playing poker with the boys is out. She needs to respect your hobbies and interests. I get the feeling she berates you for spending money on comics?

 

If its for legitmate family expenses then I can totally understand.

[Silver Surfer]

Get a grip. You think this is a HARD decision? Pardon me while I laugh out

loud. Hard decisions involve life and death. Hard decisions involve people's futures. A decision about comics is ... trivial. Comics are fluff in comparison.

 

What about our pasts? I've collected comics since I was about 8 years old, and feel that the decision to sell them all is far from " trivial ".

 

Comics are a bridge to my childhood, one that I would hate to burn.

 

I look at it this way:

 

If I were being forced to make a choice, I'd choose the one that never made me choose in the 1st place.

 

"Tomorrow people where is your past" Song just popped in my head as I read this. "Don't know your past, you don't know your future, everyone".

[skybolt]

Two school's of thought here:

 

If she wants you to dump $3,000 worth of comics just so you can go on a cruise then ask yourself is it worth it? Never buy comics again, even monthly readers? Sometimes with wife's/girlfriends its all about control so what's next playing poker with the boys is out. She needs to respect your hobbies and interests. I get the feeling she berates you for spending money on comics?

 

If its for legitmate family expenses then I can totally understand.

 

I still remember how my mom controlled my dad all those years. The guy couldn't even buy a pair of pants without her permission. Now that their in their late 60's, my mom thinks of my dad as a wuss because he can't make any decisions on his own. She certainly isn't happy with what she created.

[THE_BEYONDER]

I have to agree with the Beyonder to a certain degree.

 

The problem with the scenario is that we do not know all of the facts or the real reason for why he may or may not be asked to give these comics up.

 

But if it is just that she wants him to give them up because she's tired of looking at them or they're taking up too much of your time or whatever, it's a fine line. Asking someone to give something up that they truly love or have a passion for just because you don't like it or think it's "dumb" is wrong to me, and is a denial of what that person actually is. If you give them up "for her" and don't really want to, there will always be that feeling of, well I gave up comics for "her"?

 

If there's truly a good reason for it, then perhaps she has a point...

 

That's just it. I would never dream of asking someone to give up something they love, and am skeptical of anyone that would.

 

Maybe he should agree to sell his comics, if his wife will agree to sell off all the jewelery she has accumulated over her life.

[FFB]

I have to agree with the Beyonder to a certain degree.

 

The problem with the scenario is that we do not know all of the facts or the real reason for why he may or may not be asked to give these comics up.

 

But if it is just that she wants him to give them up because she's tired of looking at them or they're taking up too much of your time or whatever, it's a fine line. Asking someone to give something up that they truly love or have a passion for just because you don't like it or think it's "dumb" is wrong to me, and is a denial of what that person actually is. If you give them up "for her" and don't really want to, there will always be that feeling of, well I gave up comics for "her"?

 

If there's truly a good reason for it, then perhaps she has a point...

 

That's just it. I would never dream of asking someone to give up something they love, and am skeptical of anyone that would.

 

Maybe he should agree to sell his comics, if his wife will agree to sell off all the jewelery she has accumulated over her life.

 

Great analogy, Chris, and one that I will certainly remember if I'm ever faced with a similar problem!!!!

[iron maniac]

I have to agree with the Beyonder to a certain degree.

 

The problem with the scenario is that we do not know all of the facts or the real reason for why he may or may not be asked to give these comics up.

 

But if it is just that she wants him to give them up because she's tired of looking at them or they're taking up too much of your time or whatever, it's a fine line. Asking someone to give something up that they truly love or have a passion for just because you don't like it or think it's "dumb" is wrong to me, and is a denial of what that person actually is. If you give them up "for her" and don't really want to, there will always be that feeling of, well I gave up comics for "her"?

 

If there's truly a good reason for it, then perhaps she has a point...

 

That's just it. I would never dream of asking someone to give up something they love, and am skeptical of anyone that would.

 

Maybe he should agree to sell his comics, if his wife will agree to sell off all the jewelery she has accumulated over her life.

 

Great analogy, Chris, and one that I will certainly remember if I'm ever faced with a similar problem!!!!

Too funny Scott.

[Currin Comics]

Well, I like you would rather see a post from a sober person, but my main question is this, "Is she giving up anything in return."(no wise a*s*s comemts on this one please). Is this tick for tack, or was the understanding dream woman just a facade on her part to reel him in? I have seen the scenario played out countless times with some of my single pals. She's just great when she's getting to know you and yours, but once things get pretty serious......POOF!!!!!! Miss Dream Woman vanishes and the real woman involved here shows here true/live with self. If this was the case..very simple, she is not the woman you feel in love with, because most time your loving/missing the person she use to be-not the one she is now. They may look the same, but bottom line is she has changed. This is where only you and you alone can make the call-no matter what we may say or advise you to do-Good Luck.

[nearmint]

If I were being forced to make a choice, I'd choose the one that never made me choose in the 1st place.

 

Wise words, Beyonder.

 

My wife would NEVER make me choose.

[ComicSupply]

I have the feeling that since he hasn't responded he probably has to sell for things other than a "Family Expense" ie, Made to sell.

[Joanna]

I sold most of my favorite comics awhile back. It wasn't for anything grand -- just living expenses. But at the time, it was necessary. I figured I could always buy them back when I became more financially solvent. For me, it was an investment in myself. I needed some breathing room while I tried to conquer a new area in my field. Eventually, I was able to do it. It's sad that they're gone, but there is nothing telling me I'll never have them again.

 

I did keep a few key books. Not keys in the traditional sense. Keys in the emotional sense. I kept all the books that were mine as a kid (they were totally thrashed, so this wasn't a difficult choice). And I kept a couple of nice books that were difficult to find, or were worth more to me than the selling price, etc.

 

For me, the toughest things to sell were the pieces of original art. Those can't be reclaimed later. Once sold, they're gone. I managed to hang onto a few pieces, though, and I let those be my balm.

 

In the end, comics are just things, as most people have said. They're mass market products that can be replaced.

 

-- Joanna

[jbud73]

I have to agree with the Beyonder to a certain degree.

 

The problem with the scenario is that we do not know all of the facts or the real reason for why he may or may not be asked to give these comics up.

 

But if it is just that she wants him to give them up because she's tired of looking at them or they're taking up too much of your time or whatever, it's a fine line. Asking someone to give something up that they truly love or have a passion for just because you don't like it or think it's "dumb" is wrong to me, and is a denial of what that person actually is. If you give them up "for her" and don't really want to, there will always be that feeling of, well I gave up comics for "her"?

 

If there's truly a good reason for it, then perhaps she has a point...

 

That's just it. I would never dream of asking someone to give up something they love, and am skeptical of anyone that would.

 

Maybe he should agree to sell his comics, if his wife will agree to sell off all the jewelery she has accumulated over her life.

 

Great analogy, Chris, and one that I will certainly remember if I'm ever faced with a similar problem!!!!

 

 

Having now spent some time with a few other collectors in adult life. I mean this decision is a no brainer at 13 - run her over with your BMX and make sure to leave good skid marks. The collectors who seem successfull in their relationships make a point of including their significant others in the social aspect of the hobby. I noted this from the 2nd WonderCon dinner where significant others greatly increased in numbers and we (well I didn't but I heard others) actually talked about non-comic book things. Most people are mutli-dimensional and its not like we are all in caves reading our books with archival handling gloves 24/7 - well there's Newt, but he now gets paid to do it so there's an excuse.

 

I think of a recent comment to me by the soon to be Mrs. FFB, "I'm just glad to know there are other 'seemingly normal people' who are as obsessive about comics as Scott'. Now everyone's definition of seemingly normal is going to be different, but I think of Comic Collecting as just one aspect of life and as long as you don't get the blinders on and put you and your significant other at risk financially, or quality time wise I can see no issue with it not being a healthy part of your relationship. As I stated before I have been impressed by the ability of all the board members I have met to universally integrate their spouses at levels that range from tacit acceptance to overarching support and encouragement. Heck some of them grade better than some dealers that I know.

 

I have yet to turn that trick myself, but I would associate that more with my disasterous choice in women than any stigma attached to comics as a hobby. Bottom line, if something is important to you, then the person you are with should respect that to the same degree that they would expect you to, if positions were reversed and trust me they would be. I've been dragged to enough shoe stores to know that things have a way of working themselves out.

[ghoulaid]

I've only read the first post so others don't influence me. This may be a very unpopular view but ... the comics are part of who you are. I don't want anybody telling me to make a choice between them or the things that I identify with. I wouldn't be happy sacraficing my interests, comics or whatever it is I have a passion for.

 

I'm fully aware that people are more important than "things". Sounds like a very tough choice has to be made. :-(

[ninanina]

Down the road you may learn to hold this against her if she puts you in a position where you may have to do something you don't really want to do. This is something that can slowly grow over time and eat away at a marriage. Don't think your doing your marriage any favours by selling your collection.....but as many others have stated.....I wish I had more on the back-ground.

 

Marriage is all about compromise, not....."or else."

 

My wife puts up with my collection as long as I keep it in one room in the basement. I am not allowed to ever bring the collection upstairs. Maybe that will work for you?

[october]

The way I see it, it all comes down to why she wants you to sell. If she wants you to get rid of them because she thinks comics are stupid and a waste of time, then this is just the tip of the iceberg. If she can't respect your interests then you have bigger problems on your hands. If she wants you to sell for the good of the family, then I would suggest you just suck it up and get your priorities straight. As painful as selling will be...they are just comics.

[october]

I am not allowed to ever bring the collection upstairs.

 

 

 

Sorry, that just struck me as really funny.

[batman_fan]

I was in a similiar situation in ~1990. My wife basically said, its the comics or me, so I basically "quit" collecting. Fortunitely I didn't sell, but I missed out on buying some great books at what are now bargin prices. Once that was no longer an issue, she moved on to something else and it continued until we divorsed in 1994. I am remarried now to a wife who doesn't understand my love of comics, but knows it makes me happy and actually will go to conventions with me and even keeps a few titles herself (fox and crow, Beatty and Veronica, Katy Keene).

 

Definitely a much happier home life.

[ComicSupply]

The way I see it, is collecting comics is of no damage to anyone else in a relationship provided that

 

1. The collector doesn't steal to buy them.

2. The collector doesn't overly borrow and not repay to buy them.

3. The collector is addicted but can't afford them and charges them, driving the family into debt.

4. The collector doesn't endanger themselves or others to get them, or let it control their complete thoughts or lives.

5. The collection itself doesn't become a monster and take up whole wings of a house.

 

I personally feel everyone deserves their own room in a house. Just like you had when you were a kid. Call it a Den, or Study or Library. I think its a healthy thing to have a place to call your own.

[ninanina]

I am not allowed to ever bring the collection upstairs.

 

 

 

Sorry, that just struck me as really funny.

 

Glad you enjoyed that!