Comic Covers I Don't Want But Must Have 0

[Randall Ries]

I have a goal of getting all the Neal Adams Bat covers from the 1970's. It can be done, buuuuut.

There are some Adams covers covers that frankly either suck or are just plain nonsense. Thankfully, most are not. This cover sticks out like a sore brain. I have to imagine this one and a couple of the later Adams Detective Comics run will be one of the last ones I collect.

I know a lot of covers were - well - ARE bait for kids at the time and collectors now. That what we see on the covers are only a sometimes long shot representation of what was going on in the pages. But I find myself staring at this one more and more as I browse and the feeling of contempt grows. At some point, I will have to purchase it. NOT going to look for a 9.6. A nice looking 7.0-9.0 will do. NOT looking forward to buying it. For ANY amount.

Anyone else ever get stumped by this phenomenon? Knowing a cover must be bought and also knowing you dislike the cover intensely? Will you list your reasons WHY the cover sucks and you'd like to bring it to a skeet shooting range?

My reasons here are:

01. Judging from Batman's cape, there is a stiff breeze in the room. Is the corpse off-gassing? Is there an industrial fan in the room we can't see? Is the loading dock door open? Frankly - in MOST Bat covers - his cape is unruly and out of control. I have worn bed sheets as capes. NONE of them behaved like they were their own entity. In fact, my bed sheet capes were quite uncooperative.

02. Professor is dead. Covered by a DOA sheet in presumably his own lab. DOA is "Dead On Arrival" at the hospital. Not ones own laboratory. Not on the way to the morgue at a Burger King drive up. Do people who arrive at the hospital have their own specially stamped "DOA" sheets? I have worked at hospitals and morgues. As far as I know, they don't. They DO get a toe tag, though.

03. Someone discovered the professor and covered him in the wrong death shroud but didn't notice a telepathic brain arranged on a tasteful little podium under a lead crystal cover. Batman apparently hasn't noticed, either.

Here's my nomination. There are others:

 

[B2D327]

Not to defend bad art but I feel like once you can accept guys running around in superhero costumes, the rest is non consequential. I get it though. Luckily, my collecting preferences never held me to “having” to get a specific book to complete some run which is part of what makes this hobby so appealing. Our collecting goals change too so I might end up in your same predicament one day. Ya never know 

Edited December 28, 2021 by B2D327
Grammar

[comicginger1789]

I can’t say I ever analyzed this cover that hard. It’s kinda boring is all that turns me off.

But I get there being a goal and yet within the goal there exists books or covers you dislike. I try to avoid such completionist goals for this reason.

[D2]

On 12/28/2021 at 12:34 PM, B2D327 said:

Not to defend bad art but I feel like once you can accept guys running around in superhero costumes, the rest is non consequential. I get it though. Luckily, my collecting preferences never held me to “having” to get a specific book to complete some run which is part of what makes this hobby so appealing. Our collecting goals change too so I might end up in your same predicament one day. Ya never know 

Bang on for me. 
 

My current collecting habits don’t grind me to this problem, and my goals have changed so much over the years that what I consider “essential” are different. 
 

I now live in a comic collecting bubble that forces me to keep it minimal. Down to a few dozen books… total. 

[Juno Beach]

I collect J Scott Campbell covers but there's a couple of his that feature Venom that I think are just plain awful, so I will only pick them up if they are dirt cheap. 

[Robot Man]

There are runs I collect that have covers I like more than others. I just buy cheaper, lower grade copies of the ones I don’t care for.

Looks like you collect slabs. So all you are buying are covers anyway. I like my books raw and find that there are books with great interiors in spite of lousy covers. Raw gets you a little something extra over slabs. 

[MattTheDuck]

Regarding 01 - My view is that Batman has just leaped down from the raised catwalk (no pun intended) to land next to the table on which the late, lamented Professor now lies supine.  His cape is caught as it just begins to float down to its normal gravity-fed position.

The rest of it requires only that the Professor remove his own brain and then, relying on the remaining electrical impulses before his body dies, he places his own brain in the display case, lies down on the table and covers himself with prepared sheet.  Easy, peasy.

[D84]

Maybe Batman had Taco Bell?

[Randall Ries]

On 12/28/2021 at 11:45 AM, MattTheDuck said:

Regarding 01 - My view is that Batman has just leaped down from the raised catwalk (no pun intended) to land next to the table on which the late, lamented Professor now lies supine.  His cape is caught as it just begins to float down to its normal gravity-fed position.

The rest of it requires only that the Professor remove his own brain and then, relying on the remaining electrical impulses before his body dies, he places his own brain in the display case, lies down on the table and covers himself with prepared sheet.  Easy, peasy.

I'm sorry, but you brought this on yourself:

Let's see. Batman has a grip on the sheet with both hands. Pulling upward. So, it doesn't seem like he could be in post downward motion and simultaneously pulling UP on an object. Maybe he lept downward WITH the sheet in his hands and in one motion covered the prone professor buuuuut.....

Usually when I "fluff" a sheet to make a bed, it's with a "palms down" stance and here, Batman is palms up.I'll try making a bed with the palms up position and let you know how it goes. I suspect not so well.

I can't even function well in the morning without putting my glasses on. I have my doubts a professor could surgically remove his brain, get it to function under a dome of Vera Wang lead crystal, run a few stability tests on it, correct any oversights he may not have anticipated, get over to the gurney, cover himself up, lay back and pull the DOA sheet (which - AFAIK - are non-existent) up over his body, then got comfy while gurgling his last.

At the very LEAST, he would begin by scalping himself to get to his own skull cap and would be met with a barrier of puking pain. Ever try pulling your own broken tooth to save yourself $300? I have. It frickin' hurts. And it's bloody. It takes more than one run at it, too.

I have dealt with fresh corpses in the past and while I HAVE seen them jerk or even half sit up (S yer Pants time. Believe me. The corpse does too. If anyone thinks they will have a dignified death, I am here to say....You AIN'T), I have NEVER seen one get up and walk over to the sink to drink a final glass of water before dirt nap time, then return to said gurney.

Your theory is wacky - and I APPRECIATE that, but it's a stretch.

I read a case once about a guy who had died a few minutes before but nevertheless had gotten up, came downstairs in his pajamas, opened the front door, grabbed his newspaper like he had for decades before, came into the foyer and collapsed. He had been certified dead and yet he completed that task. So, the theory was his primitive brain still had some electricity left and it "remembered a well trod path it took for decades and was only doing what it was trained to do until the electricity or the oxygen finally was expended.

Even at that point, to remove his own brain and put it in a punchbowl functioning only on the primitive hemisphere would be a feat of frankly Herculean effort. Heck. I can't even remove a splinter or hangnail without cutting a major artery. Say nothing about my brain.

[Ken Aldred]

 

On 12/28/2021 at 8:50 PM, Randall Ries said:

I can't even function well in the morning without putting my glasses on. I have my doubts a professor could surgically remove his brain, get it to function under a dome of Vera Wang lead crystal, run a few stability tests on it, correct any oversights he may not have anticipated, get over to the gurney, cover himself up, lay back and pull the DOA sheet (which - AFAIK - are non-existent) up over his body, then got comfy while gurgling his last.

You’d be surprised at how adept research scientists become after years of training and experience.

Edited December 28, 2021 by Ken Aldred

[Randall Ries]

On 12/28/2021 at 10:37 AM, comicginger1789 said:

I can’t say I ever analyzed this cover that hard. It’s kinda boring is all that turns me off.

But I get there being a goal and yet within the goal there exists books or covers you dislike. I try to avoid such completionist goals for this reason.

This. The cover is as boring as sex with a wife we have been married to for 35 years. (Yeah. It isn't misogyny. She's bored as F as well.) More of a muscle memory now. Unfortunately, Adams covers w/o interior art are becoming sought after and there isn't really any reason to collect those books otherwise, IMO. This book - along with a couple Adams 'Tec covers w/o interior art seem like Adams may have wanted to go golfing and so banged them out in a couple hours, then hit the links.

It's just a goal I have as I can't afford the books I REALLY want and so content myself with runs and themes.

[Randall Ries]

On 12/28/2021 at 3:52 PM, Ken Aldred said:

 

You’d be surprised at how adept research scientists become after years of training and experience.

I don't think "surprised" would be the correct word. LOL! I'd pay huge dollars to see someone perform that feat. Make a marathon out of it. Kinda like a "Battle Of The Network Stars" kind of affair.

[BigLeagueCHEW]

This one is fugly, but a must have as it is the Origin and 2nd Black Cat. I’d like to wipe my bum with it.

 

[01TheDude]

Love the responses and the funny theories but the arguing against said theories is even more precious.

Nobody makes every cover perfect or amazing. If you are a completionist type collector and you have set your goals for the exact set of covers by Neal Adams-- you have to take ownership that this includes some less stellar examples and keep the focus on the task of the completing.

I mean--- we might as well be arguing over the legitimacy of firing all the bullets at a stoic Superman and then thinking throwing the gun at him will work which he DUCKS away from. Suspend ones belief -- the professor had a capable assistant who has gone home to feed his dog. He is the one who removed the brain, placed it under the jar (of unknown make- where you got "under a dome of Vera Wang lead crystal" is beyond me), connected it to whatever sensory devices needed to both understand that someone else is in the room but also convert thought to speech somehow, install the air jets to impact the cape (anot to mention anticipating someone WITH a cape), and then gently covering the discarded corpse with the labs readily available DOA cover sheet.

Phew--- sounds crazy but we are talking about a guy who had his own brain removed--- so who are we to judge? Plus this fits in with all the other insane DC covers I grew up despising (laughing at?) as completely silly as part of my membership in the MMMB.

Totally understandable. I'd sell it.

[01TheDude]

On 12/28/2021 at 2:54 PM, BigLeagueCHEW said:

This one is fugly, but a must have as it is the Origin and 2nd Black Cat. I’d like to wipe my bum with it.

 

All lies though, right? Black cat doesn't die, Betty Brant is indecisive, Aunt May is still kicking, and Spider-Man lives to fight on. This one TRULY has it all--- ALL LIES!

[BigLeagueCHEW]

On 12/28/2021 at 2:07 PM, 01TheDude said:

All lies though, right? Black cat doesn't die, Betty Brant is indecisive, Aunt May is still kicking, and Spider-Man lives to fight on. This one TRULY has it all--- ALL LIES!

Amazing the ole bag was still kicking until issue # 400. So frail and sick in the earlier issues of ASM 

[Larryw7]

On 12/28/2021 at 5:52 PM, BigLeagueCHEW said:

Amazing the ole bag was still kicking until issue # 400. So frail and sick in the earlier issues of ASM 

And then they retconned her death and it turned out to be a Norman Osborn plot. 

[Ken Aldred]

On 12/28/2021 at 9:08 PM, Randall Ries said:

I don't think "surprised" would be the correct word. LOL! I'd pay huge dollars to see someone perform that feat. Make a marathon out of it. Kinda like a "Battle Of The Network Stars" kind of affair.

‘Calling Dr Michael Hfuhruhurr.  Disembodied brain in Laboratory # 1 requires immediate attention.’

[Randall Ries]

On 12/28/2021 at 4:54 PM, BigLeagueCHEW said:

This one is fugly, but a must have as it is the Origin and 2nd Black Cat. I’d like to wipe my bum with it.

 

That cover sucks balls. It has ONE redeeming characteristic. Spiderman is in the exact position and situation as Jean Luc Picard was when Tolian Soran was firing at him from the scaffolding.

As for Aunt May, I have hated her since I was a kid. I always wished she would slip and fall on the ice. Or zip her turkey neck into her parka. Or Peter's parka. Get it? "PETER'S PARKA?" Eh? EHHHH???? LOL!

I was expected to believe her heart couldn't handle the shock of discovering Peter was her nephew....I mean....Peter was Spiderman and every third or fourth issue showed her getting thrown around or carried up the side of buildings by Green Goblin. And Parka continued to continue with that belief structure charade.

I would buy a raw .5 of this issue and have my way with it, BLC. I would do the same with Batman 118.

 

 

Dr. Tolian Soran

Edited December 29, 2021 by Randall Ries

[THE_BEYONDER]

This was an awesome cover though