ROAST: Rake Joanna over the coals!

[Joanna]

It's official, folks -- it's time to get your typing up to speed so you can parody Joanna! For the newbies: the point of the roast is to parody the style of the roastee by posting a message in this thread that 'sounds' like Joanna (that would be me). The person or persons who best capture my written voice, will get a prize (see list below).

 

The contest ends Sunday at midnight, Pacific Time. The winner(s) can choose from these prizes:

• 
   
  
• A genuine John Byrne comic book -script (one of his Wonder Woman issues -- either in pure -script form or a xerox of his finished boards, with notes - your choice) along with a copy of the comic, so you can compare.
   
  
• A John Byrne autographed poster of Galactus vs. Darkseid
   
  
• A copy of a comic I wrote w/-script, so you can compare. Signing optional.
   
  
• A copy of the -script for the Rugrats episode titled "Superhero Chuckie" and "The Dog Broomer", with actor's notes, signed by the Dog Broomer.
   
  
• A reader copy of a DC comic
   
  
• An 8x10 photo from my ebay store (browse and find your favorite -- like a great DeNiro from Godfather II. ebay handle "jsandsmark").

 

That's it. I hope these prizes aren't too lame. So here's what you've been waiting to hear:

 

Time to do me, boys!

 

 

**Forgot to add: Next week's roastee will be Lighthouse. The week after that will be MajorKhaos. If you'd like to be roasted, sign up via PM with Lighthouse to get put on the schedule.

 

-- Joanna

 

 

[BachelorOfComix]

 

Time to do me, boys!

 

-- Joanna

 

[Illiterati-migration]

 

Time to do me, boys!

 

-- Joanna

 

 

ROFL I'm too tired for mimicry right now.

[Ares]

It's official, folks -- it's time to get your reading up to speed so you can worship Joanna! For the newbies: the point of the worship is to glorify the godess of the by posting a message in this thread that 'glorifies the godess Joanna. The person or persons who best capture her essence, will get a prize (see list below).

 

The contest ends Sunday at midnight, Pacific Time. The winner(s) can choose from these prizes:

• 
   
  
• A genuine posting by her godess in your honour
   
  
• A genuine posting by her godess in your honour
   
  
• What you want more.. you Greedy knicker

 

That's it. So here's what you've been waiting to hear:

 

Time to do me, boys!

 

-- Joanna

 

 

[murph0]

Quit swearing you little bastards.. I have a friend who's brother's friend has a son who is 10 and once caught a glance at the forums and caught a glimpse of a woman who had a very large rear end.

 

Anyways, have a lovely day.

[ubiquiti]

I just cannot bring myself to attempt to parody one whose writing style is pure ambrosia. I mean, I suppose I could, but it would most definitely be quite unpleasant for me to do so. I mean I would look like a total fruit loop in doing so.

On second thought - I think I will just mediate this "roasting" and just ensure everyone can understand and appreciate each other's views on Joanna.

Yep, darn tootin' that's what I'll do!

[PovertyRow]

I just cannot bring myself to attempt to parody one whose writing style is pure ambrosia. I mean, I suppose I could, but it would most definitely be quite unpleasant for me to do so. I mean I would look like a total fruit loop in doing so.

On second thought - I think I will just mediate this "roasting" and just ensure everyone can understand and appreciate each other's views on Joanna.

Yep, darn tootin' that's what I'll do!

 

I have to agree. Joanna's posts are indeed nectar! How could one begin to mimic her? I too shall just sit back and....ahhh -to hell with it! She isn;t all THAT special! :ducking::

 

 

PS - will attempt same after a couple of days of pondering and not so close to bedtime!

[Bonds25]

Joanna, you're too nice to roast. However, by refraining from being mean to you, I will still accept one of the gifts you're offering.

[FlyingDonut]

It's official, folks -- it's time to get your typing up to speed so you can parody Joanna! For the newbies: the point of the roast is to parody the style of the roastee by posting a message in this thread that 'sounds' like Joanna (that would be me). The person or persons who best capture my written voice, will get a prize (see list below).

 

The contest ends Sunday at midnight, Pacific Time. The winner(s) can choose from these prizes:

• 
   
  
• A genuine John Byrne comic book -script (one of his Wonder Woman issues -- either in pure -script form or a xerox of his finished boards, with notes - your choice) along with a copy of the comic, so you can compare.
   
  
• A John Byrne autographed poster of Galactus vs. Darkseid
   
  
• A copy of a comic I wrote w/-script, so you can compare. Signing optional.
   
  
• A copy of the -script for the Rugrats episode titled "Superhero Chuckie" and "The Dog Broomer", with actor's notes, signed by the Dog Broomer.
   
  
• A reader copy of a DC comic
   
  
• An 8x10 photo from my ebay store (browse and find your favorite -- like a great DeNiro from Godfather II. ebay handle "jsandsmark").

 

That's it. I hope these prizes aren't too lame. So here's what you've been waiting to hear:

 

Time to do me, boys!

 

 

**Forgot to add: Next week's roastee will be Lighthouse. The week after that will be MajorKhaos. If you'd like to be roasted, sign up via PM with Lighthouse to get put on the schedule.

 

-- Joanna

 

 

There's no need to roast her. By her very existence of being from Wisconsin, she is by definition already roasted.

[joe_collector]

Seeing all the Byrne memorabilia reminds me of a story.

 

I was sitting at home one day trying to think of an impressive birthday present for my niece. I had wracked my brain for days, with no inspiration, and had just about given up. Then I received a phone call; it was John Byrne.. you see I had been writing with him, and my birthday dallying put me behind on the -script synopsis I was working on (Wonder Woman comes clean as a lesbian... that fruit Denny O'Neil put a kibosh on it - but that's another story, believe me).

 

So John says he's hopping a plane to come down and personally pick up the synopsis, along with ironing out a few story problems he has (he thought Power Girl should be the love interest, but let's leave that for another time). I must have groaned, because John asked me what was the problem. John is one of the nicest people I know, and when he heard my niece had an upcoming birthday, he promised a big surprise.

 

The fateful day finally arrived, and upon answering the front door, I was amazed to see John dressed in an elaborate troubadour outfit, complete with bass guitar. You see John had been studying Spanish for a Mexican comic venture involving some soft-porn elements, but that's a whole other story, believe me! Let's just say I was more than a little surprised, and quite intrigued, to see John at my front door, dressed like he'd walked out of an old movie.

 

He bowed as he entered the room, and inquired where the "lady of the hacienda" was. My niece had come down the stairs to see who the visitor was, and John immediately fell to his knees, strummed softly on his 12-string guitar, and launched into a heartfelt serenade... I didn't understand but a word, and I had to stop my niece from calling 911, but imagine.. John Byrne cranking out a Spanish ballad in my doorstep.

 

Now that was a day to remember...

[CosmicBob]

Here's mine:

 

I don't take checks. How many times do I have to tell people that I don't take checks? It's written in my auctions in big letters. But STILL people send me checks. I send them back and they send me more checks. And even MORE checks! Can't people read?

[cd4ever]

Joanna: Marvel bites! DC rocks. I remember this one time at band camp, I had my Supergirl and Wonder Woman dolls and a bottle of wine......

[lighthouse]

Joanna-roasting to follow, but for now... *bump*

[ubiquiti]

Bump

[PovertyRow]

THE GRADUAL ASSIMILATION OF JOANNA

 

Hi Yes, I think that is a good idea.

 

Well, I confess to having a hard time with Marvel, although I DID enjoy some She-Hulk!

 

Pov, so you are saying that all dealers are evil?

 

I think this is a fascinating topic!

 

I have some Wonder Woman Comics for sale. Here is a link. I pack very well and ship quickly.

 

In this panel we see Wonder Woman bound to a chair while being searched (now kiddies - stay calm...it isn;t what it seems!).

 

I prefer to not state a grade but would rather describe as accurately as possible.

 

Are you sure that is what you mean. It sounds like you are saying redheads should be ostracized!

 

So I met up with John Byrne at ComicCon and we talked about that very thing! He DID say he drew that intentionally and, although he knew he was defying tradition, he felt the point had to be made.

 

I wish I could answer that but as you know, I am NOT a Marvel fan!

 

In this panel we see the Teal Temptress putting Wonder Woman under her spell (no - of COURSE there is no lesbianism here ::wink wink kiddies:

 

You know, I think you are all wrong here.

 

So WHY do you feel compelled to just trash everything you see? I don't get it.

 

No way! You are so out of it that I doubt you can even walk at the same time!

 

So in this panel we see Butch Babe putting the moves on Wonder Woman.

 

Are you COMLETELY incompetent?

 

So I met up with Byrne at a convention and told him he was so out of it that Liebfeld could have come up with something better, and if he didn't get his butt in line then I'd align it FOR him!

 

Screw you!

 

Tool, I SWEAR if you even THINK about responding with anything besides a "Yes, Ma'am I will seek you out and staple your orifices UNEVENLY!

 

::edited because I forgot to put the TITLE in - d'oh!::

[NewtSamson]

I like wonderwoman, I like wonderwoman, YAY!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

I LIKE WONDER WOMAN! I LIKE WONDERWOMAN!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

[ArAich]

 

Ode to Joanna

 

Joanna, Joanna, Joanna

You seem as nice as nice can be.

But behind the guise of Helga,

Not even Hammer can take on thee.

 

Of Wonder Woman you love to read and write,

Your reviews are a really great read.

But when it comes to grading real tight.

Keep your WW's cause the best they'll get is G.

 

You're cautious on the net,

as you clearly stated early on.

But when jens wanted a pic of us.

You showed us all you're not a blonde.

 

It's incredible how much you've gained by being here,

of two examples I'll tell you now.

We pitched in and bought you a DVD player,

And FlyingDonut fixed your teeth....WOW!!

 

You've been dubbed "Forum Den Mother".

A title dubbed by Lighthouse, I believe.

You've gained the respect like no other,

and you'll still have it, even if you leave.

 

 

 

[Joanna]

Due to the forum outage, the new deadline is midnight tonight PT.

[ArAich]

Due to the forum outage, the new deadline is midnight tonight PT.

 

Oh man...I was hoping to win by default....

[lighthouse]

During the recent forum outage, I engaged in a little housekeeping on my computer system. Presented here for your enjoyment are the working copies I used for some recent posts. Writing is re-writing, so I usually have to pare a wee bit from my posts.

 

A little insight into the writer's mind.

 

From the "This Doesn't Look Like a Bad Deal.... " thread:

 

Am I the only one that thinks...if you list it and the price is met that you are, theoretically, contractually bound to complete the transaction....

 

You're not the only one that thinks. [!@#%^&^]. I can't believe you just said that. Bug is gonna jump all over that. I made a mistake on an auction once, well twice actually, but how was I to know that Hello Kitty personal massager wasn't an urban legend. Same thing, put an erroneous BIN. Someone popped it, I lost $100, but I honored my part and sent him the book note to self: be ready to flame the first person who quotes this last sentence back at me. I would've felt a wee bit better had he not been so self-congratulatory in his email, and bragged about flipping it and then went on and on about how much better than sex it was, but so it goes. It happens. And I'm not really the type to shove my boot up his [!@#%^&^], not for free anyway.

 

From the "Hulk 107 9.9" thread:

 

BS, why didn't you ask Andrew or the others for proof of their transactions? I'll tell you why! Because you don't have the balls! Is there any reason you believe that they actually bought from c-k, yet feel that khaos hasn't? Forget the fact that khaos is a monkey-boy who rolls around in his own feces! I would think only c-k would know that for sure. But no, you're not c-k, you're this mystery new guy who just happened to wander in here. Well wander the [!@#%^&^] out! And what about clobby's positive transaction. You forgot to demand proof from him, too. I would think that because he was the only one whose experience differed, that you would be more suspicious of him than the others.

Unless you know something we don't? That's what I thought, [!@#%^&^]. Now why don't you just get the hell out of here and leave me to flirt with greggy in peace!

 

From the "So Are You A Buyer, Seller, or both on eBay?" thread:

 

Damnit Joanna, quit selling off all your belongings to live, and get to work!!

 

What are you my mother??? I'm working! I'm just not getting paid for some of it, and getting paid poorly for the rest. But I work every single day, 7 days a week. Unless there's a sale at Payless. I am such a shoe-whore. I never go anywhere other than the post office and the grocery store, never buy anything other than necessities. And believe me, after a long day dealing with Bugaboo and BlackShotzy, this bottle of Crystal is a necessity.

I'm just not cut out for a normal job where you go somewhere for 8 hours and then come home. And they pay you for that. I want to party all day and all night, and sit around with my homegirls scopin' out the hotties at poolside. I've tried all kinds of jobs. Waitress, secretary, electrician, massage therapist, you name it I've done it, but I was miserable.

So everybody -- feel free to buy my belongings! And be sure to check the mature audiences category for my 'personal' items under ebayid 'MistressJoanna'.

 

From the "Should I just tell this guy, please don't bid on my books?" thread:

 

Wow, great auction! I really need to catch up on current comics. Although that certainly isn't a requirement to write for Marvel, and I am taking over the reins of Iron Man next month. You thought Drunk Iron Man was cool. Wait til you see him after I make him an Asian woman with Tourette's syndrome. And I don't give a whit about condition, so feel free ruin a few so that I can win. But it looks like 'House has me beat.

... or does he? After all, I kicked his [!@#%^&^] in the greggy roast, and I am bringing my "A" game for his roast next week. He wants to mess with me. I'll put that [!@#%^&^] in his place!

 

There you have it gang. A little insight into the writer's mind.

 

-- Joanna