Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[cd4ever]

Hey! I'm in a story! And apparently have been for quite a while.....I need to come in here more often. And my names....Ape?! I guess it's better than Matter-Eater Lad.

 

Thanks Joanna! This thing is hilarious.

 

 

[lighthouse]

Hey! I'm in a story! And apparently have been for quite a while.....I need to come in here more often. And my names....Ape?! I guess it's better than Matter-Eater Lad.

 

Thanks Joanna! This thing is hilarious.

 

You've got a lot of catching up to do.

 

Look for the TPB version of Crisis in another thread. Much easier to read without all the incessant "Oh Joanna I love you! You're the greatest writer in history!" replies... I swear, JC needs to calm down...

 

Just kidding, Joanna... You know we love you, right?

[Joanna]

Look for the TPB version of Crisis in another thread.

 

Hey, 'House, thanks for reminding me! I forgot to put that last chapter in the tpb. I wonder if I've misssed any others?

 

CD4ever -- let me know if anything is missing, if you read that version. And welcome aboard Crisis!

 

-- Joanna

[lighthouse]

Joanna, congratulations on all the paid work you have going on... I know you wouldn't make us go 19 days between Crisis installments if your plate wasn't overflowing with work...

 

Although I caught Pov secretly hoping you'd get an hour of free time soon...

[Joanna]

To force Lighthouse to start over with his count, and because I know I don't have a great deal of time for this in the next couple of weeks, here's a little more Crisis, just for fun.

 

For those of you who want to read what happened last with this group, go here.

 

Issue 12, Part 2E - "The World's Greatest Western Gang!"

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

The Brick (Crisco) invulnerable

Flame War (Fantastic Four) Flame power

Where'd He Go (Clobberintime) invisibility

Kid Twister (Drummy)

 

Issue 12, Part 2E - "The World's Greatest Western Gang!"

 

Kid Twister, still staring at the 3 heroes, twitches his hand near his holstered gun.

 

"You boys have a problem with the Earps? Or Tombstone? Or the Clantons? Well, actually, it's fine if you have a problem with the Clantons. We all do. They're so whiny." He catches himself. "What I means is, you guys have a problem with the Earps or Tombstone?"

 

"No problem," says Flame War.

 

"Good. So how come you're all so... weird?"

 

"Weird?" asks Brick, attempting to cross his arms but his enormous brick-o-butter body doesn't allow it. "Whatever do you mean?"

 

"Well, you got one guy who keeps disappearing, and you're not even shaped like a person, and then there's the guy dressed in purple who looks like a flaming--"

 

"Okay, okay, we get it," says Flame War. "We're different. We're not like everyone else. The truth of the matter is... we're Superheroes!"

 

They strike a heroic pose.

 

Kid Twister just stares. "Uh-huh. What's that mean exactly?"

 

"Superheroes!" reiterates Flame War. "We have strange powers and use them to fight evil!"

 

"What kind of powers?"

 

Flame War blasts a tongue of fire at a tumbleweed, instantly engulfing it. "Like that."

 

Kid Twister doesn't seem phased. "Okay. So you shoot fire, the other guy goes invisible, what's with the yellow dude?"

 

"I'm invulnerable."

 

"And you guys think these things make you special?"

 

The three of them look at each, shrug, and WHG says, "Yes."

 

Kid Twister, still standing several yards away, stretches both of his arms across the distance and knocks Flame War's head into WHG's noggin. "Big deal. We all have our little tricks."

 

"You've got elastic powers!" shouts Brick.

 

"Keep your voice down," says Kid Twister. "I ain't advertising."

 

Flame War instantly sees the implications. "Oh, man! You have to join us! We need to form a gang!"

 

"Huh?" Twister stretches one finger and touches Flame's shirt. "You got something on your..." When Flame looks down, Twister lifts his finger and flicks his nose. "Made you look."

 

"For a scary western cowboy guy, you sure have an immature sense of humor," says WHG. From out of nowhere, a giant fist punches him in the gut. WHG falls down and turns invisible.

 

"Anyone else want to make fun of me?" asks Twister with a snear.

 

"Ooh! I will!" says Brick. "You can't hurt me! In fact, we could be at odds with each other all the time and fight and bicker and stuff!"

 

"No thanks. I have a girlfriend."

 

"Brick is on to something, Twister. If the four of us joined forces, we could be the world's greatest western gang! We need to think of a name, though."

 

"Lemme see," says Brick. "A guy who can flame on, someone who goes invisible, a big brick who's invulnerable, and a stretchy guy. Maybe we should call ourselves 'The Plagiarists!' 'The Copyright Infringers!' 'The Homagers!'"

 

"I got it!" says WHG, woozily standing up. "The Marvelous Four!"

 

"Works for me," says Flame War.

 

"Me, too," says Brick.

 

"I dunno," says Twister. "I'm originally from Washington -- DC, that is -- and this whole idea of a team of heroes sounds really derivative."

 

"Derivative? Aren't you the same guy who just said 'ain't' and played 'made you look' with Flame War? I think your suddenly expanding vocabulary is making this whole scene implausible." Brick hitched up his dark blue undies to emphasize the point.

 

"I gradee-ated from Cornel. I can say what I please." He reaches out and gives Brick a giant wedgie.

 

"Ow," squeaks Brick.

 

"You felt that?" asks Flame War.

 

"Uh-huh."

 

"That means you aren't invulnerable! You have an Achilles Heel! Only it's not your heel, it's your--"

 

"We all get it, okay?" says Brick, readjusting himself.

 

"I didn't even know he still had that equipment," says WHG.

 

"Of course I have it!" snarls Brick, wishing his hands would reach around his big, square body enough to shield the delicate area.

 

"All right, I'll join," says Kid Twister.

 

"Huh?"

 

"You heard me. I'll join your gang. First up, we help the Earps take out the Clantons. Then we go after Billy the Kid. Once we get Billy, we'll look for some cosmic villains. The Marvelous Four is in business, boys. And I'm gonna be the leader. Any questions?"

 

"Just one," says WHG. "No matter how much you insist, I am not going to marry you."

 

"You do realize that everything on me stretches really, really big?"

 

WHG considers it for a moment, then says, "Tempting, but no, I'm sticking to my guns."

 

Kid Twister draws his pistol and shoots Brick in the chest. "Just testing. Let's get'em, guys!"

 

To be continued...

 

Edited February 21, 2004 by Joanna

[greggy]

"Ooh! I will!" says Brick. "You can't hurt me! In fact, we could be at odds with each other all the time and fight and bicker and stuff!"

 

"No thanks. I have a girlfriend."

[PovertyRow]

 

Joanna! You know I love to quote especially nice bits form your CRISIS but I cannot - if I did I would have to quote about half of it!

 

And thank you for the effort! We know you are working on other things that are life-sustaining.

[Joanna]

Thanks, Pov and greggy!

 

So I have to ask -- did you see that one coming? I've known they were going to be the FF for awhile, but I had to get them together with that 4th guy. I did worry that I was telegraphing a bit, though. Or was it a surprise?

 

-- Joanna

[PovertyRow]

Thanks, Pov and greggy!

 

So I have to ask -- did you see that one coming? I've known they were going to be the FF for awhile, but I had to get them together with that 4th guy. I did worry that I was telegraphing a bit, though. Or was it a surprise?

 

-- Joanna

 

I confess the idea of Joanna and FF never ever crossed my mind! JLA? Yeah. JSA? Sure! FF? Nah!

[greggy]

Thanks, Pov and greggy!

 

So I have to ask -- did you see that one coming? I've known they were going to be the FF for awhile, but I had to get them together with that 4th guy. I did worry that I was telegraphing a bit, though. Or was it a surprise?

 

-- Joanna

See what coming? How long have they been around? Sorry...but I only pay attention to my comrads!

[Joanna]

 

I confess the idea of Joanna and FF never ever crossed my mind! JLA? Yeah. JSA? Sure! FF? Nah!

 

Which is one of the reasons it had to be a Marvel group. It would've been too easy to figure out if I'd made them DCs.

 

Oh good, I'm glad it worked.

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

I have simply got to find a way to work Ian Levine and Vince from Metro into Crisis (though I am worried that it might cause yet another meltdown where I'm forced to kill off a character because the poster in question doesn't want to be in the story). I was considering having Vince invent the wheel in the Neanderthal storyline, but I think I need them to have a bigger role. Any ideas where you'd like to see them? And any clues as to whether a meltdown will occur? I really just want volunteers in here, not people who will be upset by the fictional portrayal.

[blutobc]

despite some of the flames, Ian has shown a sense of humor in many of his posts.

 

The obvious choice for Ian would be marvel's the Collector...But since this is crisis it needs to be bent a little so how about him being the philantopher..no...err philanoper..no..philcollins..oh, you know those guys who go around giving away precious things like money.

 

On the other hand his collecting interest would make the slabbed greggy a perfect love interest, maybe even a love triangle with vince.

[Joanna]

despite some of the flames, Ian has shown a sense of humor in many of his posts.

 

The obvious choice for Ian would be marvel's the Collector...But since this is crisis it needs to be bent a little so how about him being the philantopher..no...err philanoper..no..philcollins..oh, you know those guys who go around giving away precious things like money.

 

On the other hand his collecting interest would make the slabbed greggy a perfect love interest, maybe even a love triangle with vince.

 

Except that Ian hates slabs! I can see it now. He buys Mylite off his teammates and then starts to unslab him! The horror! A major battle ensues, fists flying, Mylite desperately trying to reclose that loosened corner -- it's madness, I tell you! Madness!

 

Hmmm. Food for thought. Should I put Ian in the 30's with Mylite?

[greggy]

Should I put Ian in the 30's with Mylite?

Is that where the little bugger is at now?

[awe4one]

Hmmm. Food for thought. Should I put Ian in the 30's with Mylite?

 

Please do.....

 

Jim

[towards2112]

Sounding real good to me...

[THE_BEYONDER]

[Joanna]

Who knew Beyonder would have so much influence on me?

 

To review what happened last time in this section, go here and look for Part 1F.

 

 

Issue 12, Part 2F: Hickory Dickory Doc

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

Lord Rawl (Lord Rahl)

The corpse of Dr. Gloom (Joe Collector)

A disembodied voice

A mysterious woman

Prof. Nefarious (Bronty)

Assoc. Prof. Heinous (AlexH)

 

 

Issue 12, Part 2F: Hickory Dickory Doc

 

Lord Rawl stares at the pool of blood seeping from under the door.

 

"Oh dear. That looks messy. I'm glad I don't have to clean it up." He returns to the front room where Heiny and Nefarious are having an argument.

 

"What do you mean, you can't hear it ticking?" asks Heiny.

 

"I am saying that the clock is obviously broken. It is not ticking," responds Nefarious.

 

"But that's absurd! It is, in fact, some of the loudest ticking I have ever heard. And I am a registered expert on ticking."

 

"Where are you registered?"

 

"The Royal Canadian Bureau of Ticking, Tocking, and Other Clock-Related Noises."

 

"You continue to surprise me, Old Chum. Though I half suspected you were referring to the RCBoTTaOCRN, I did not for a moment realize you were so influential."

 

"My father has friends in high places. He played hockey as a youth."

 

"I was less fortunate. My father was the announcer on 'Friendly Ghost'."

 

"Look up! Look waaaaayyy up!" said Heiny.

 

"Yes, yes, that was the catch phrase."

 

"No, I was referring to the ceiling. There appears to be blood dripping down the walls."

 

The men look at the ceiling. There are indeed streams of viscous crimson fluid oozing down the walls. Lord Rawl notes the similarity to the blood coming from under the door.

 

"There is a great similarity between that viscous crimson fluid and what I have discovered in the hallway. In my expert opinion, both fluids are bloodlike in their appearance," says Rawl.

 

"Your qualifications for making such a pronouncement, sir?" asks Nefarious.

 

"The 17th Dimensional Xathospheric Department of Oozing Liquids."

 

"Ah, but are all oozing liquids bloodlike? I think perhaps your pedigree is not as secure as you would make us believe," says Heiny.

 

"In the 17th Dimension, of which I am Lord and Master, all oozing liquids are either bloodlike, or have a bloodlike quality, i.e. a crimson hue, a metallic scent, or they contain platelets."

 

"In that case, please carry on."

 

"Then I repeat my hypothesis that the oozing liquid is bloodlike in quality."

 

The two professors applaud his expertise, looking duly impressed.

 

"Did you locate the charming mistress of this establishment?" asks Nefarious, licking his thin lips in anticipation.

 

"Or our overcoats?" asks Heiny.

 

"Er... no. Neither. But there were several doors and I opened none of them."

 

"Ah well, that might explain it."

 

From out of the kitchen walks the beautiful woman, carrying two drinks.

 

"Prof. Nefarious, I took you for a bourbon man. And Assoc. Prof. Heinous, here's a Shirley Temple."

 

"But... how did you... that is, I saw you go through that door," says Rawl, pointing to the door that led to the hallway.

 

"If you had taken the tour, you would have realized that the kitchen has an entrance in the hallway." The woman hands the drinks to the two professors, both of whom suddenly find themselves aroused by her beauty.

 

The woman appears not to notice. Instead she scowls at the bleeding walls. "Oh bother. Not again."

 

"What causes the, er, oozing fluidic problem?" asks Rawl, trying not to notice that the corpse in the corner was beginning to smell a tad ripe.

 

"It's an old house, with many unhealed wounds. I suspect it may have been bitten by a termite." She pauses, listening. "Do I hear ticking?"

 

"Aha!" says Heiny. "As I explained to my colleague, your grandfather clock is putting out quite a high volume of ticking."

 

"I said that first," says Rawl, fearing that he is losing the attention of the beautiful owner to the interlopers. "Remember? When I told you I heard ticking? Remember? It was me that said it, not him."

 

The beautiful owner laughs softly, a sound so musical and seductive all three men are struck dumb, the walls stop bleeding, and the ticking stops.

 

"Geez, even I was affected and I don't swing that way!" says the disembodied voice.

 

"Shall I show you gentlemen to your rooms?"

 

Because none of the men feel capable of ambulation they all quickly express an interest in remaining seated to finish their drinks.

 

"It's getting late," says the woman with a glance at the non-working clock. "Soon we can bury Dr. Gloom out back and then spend a few hours under the sheets. I only have one room, so I hope you don't mind if you all share my bed with me."

 

"Guh."

 

"Blrk."

 

"Glrg."

 

"I'll take those as yeses. Oh, and if it's not too inconvenient, I prefer sleeping in the nude."

 

"Flrg."

 

"Yrtz."

 

"Glarg."

 

"You speak Lithuanian? My uncle taught me a few phrases when I was young." She yawned, then poked Dr. Gloom's corpse with her stiletto heel. "I'd say in less than half an hour he'll be done. Meanwhile, I'll fix us a light snack." She arises and glides from the room.

 

The three men spend five minutes in silence, staring at the door to the kitchen.

 

"Well," finally says Nefarious.

 

"Quite," says Heiny.

 

"Indeed," says Rawl.

 

"Hello? Much more of this witty banter and we'll all be asleep!" says the disembodied voice. The clocked chimes 11:43.

 

Nefarious stands and begins slinking toward the kitchen. "I think I'll see if she needs any help. After all, I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Light Snack Advisory Committee."

 

Heiny and Rawl rush to beat him to the door. Just as all three arrive, the door opens, clonking them all on their heads. They fall down, out cold.

 

The beautiful owner laughs, the sound both exquisite and eerie. "Works every time," she says, withdrawing a large butcher knife from under a napkin on her snack tray.

 

To be continued...

Edited March 13, 2004 by Joanna

[Zonker]

"Geez, even I was affected and I don't swing that way!" says the disembodied voice.

 

Could it be?

Has he finally arrived?

 

The beautiful owner laughs, the sound both exquisite and eerie. "Works every time," she says, withdrawing a large butcher knife from under a napkin on her snack tray.

 

Brrr. (Beyonder, surely you have a shivering emoticon?)

Ya nailed the Horror Comics genre, J!