Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[OldGuy]

I killed people with my "natural gas".

[Bronty]

Say, I finally figured out who your avatar is... that custom motorbike guy, right?

[FFB]

And introducing...

 

Bono fantasyfootballbono super strength

 

[Joanna]

Issue 12, Part 3B: Minty Fresh

 

Starring

 

Emoticon (BachelorOfComix) can be any emoticon

Rerun (Araich) TV in belly

Alias (Bonds) can split into 12

Mylite (greggy) slabbed, irresistible

Dirk Diamond (MinuteKev) Private Eye

 

And introducting

 

Shortie Spumoni (Puny Human) Gangster

 

Issue 12, Part : Minty Fresh

 

Mylite thumps his way to the newsstand, his eyes glued to the fresh pile of Action 1s lying on the counter. He wets himself.

 

"Omigod, omigod, omigod." He ignores the stare of the proprietor as he gingerly picks up the first book. "9.0." He puts it aside and picks up another. "9.4." He continues to look through the pile. "8.5. 9.6. 9.4. 9.4. 9.8. 9.2. 9.4. 9.0..."

 

The others arrive, and watch in awe as Mylite handles the sweet, sweet National Periodicals.

 

"Wait, Mylite!" shouts Alias.

 

"Leave me alone. 9.0. 9.2. Don't these freaks know how to handle new books? Half of these are worthless 9.0-9.2-9.4s."

 

"No – your grading – it's all wrong!"

 

"Shut up! I know what I'm doing. 9.4."

 

"What I mean is, you aren't accounting for golden age bias!"

 

Mylite begins to shake. A 9.6 almost slips through his fingers, but Emoticon gently removes it from his hands.

 

"Golden age bias... do you know what this means?"

 

Alias looks at Mylite, then at the others, then back to Mylite. "Sell it through Heritage and these are all freaking 11's?"

 

"I'll call it the Mylite Pedigree. It fits the parameters. Bought off the newsstand, every major issue, single owner—"

 

"Hold on, Buckaroo," says Rerun. "Every single issue? Since when? You've got one issue."

 

"Do you have any more comics?" asks Mylite to the owner of the newsstand.

 

He stares at the slabbed man. His eyes dart toward a pile of Detective Comics.

 

"Sweeeeet!" says Alias. "9.4. 9.0. 9.6."

 

Soon all of the N'Superables are carefully grading the cream of 1938's comic crop. "Ian would wet his pants," mumbles Emoticon.

 

"You mean like Mylite did?" asks Alias.

 

"You try living in a slab!"

 

"No thanks." Alias splits into 12 people, causing the newsstand owner to faint. "I'm going to go look for some more newsstands. We are gonna be rich!" He sends his aliases in every direction.

 

"We can't let anyone know. If anyone knew we had these, they'd lose their value. We have to make a plan," says Rerun.

 

"A plan," says Mylite, "that includes traveling through time in every era, buying comics. Next stop, the Silver Age!"

 

At that moment, Dirk Diamond catches up to the N'Superables.

 

"You boys sure like to read."

 

"No one is going to be reading anything!" snaps Mylite, his hands shaking at the thought of an inadvertently cracked spine.

 

"So anyways, as I was saying back there, I think I found your swirly portal thing. It's weird, too, cuz when I first saw it, it looked more like a warped pane of glass. I was gonna chisel you guys out of a sawbuck for finding it. Thought it would be fun to see you trying to get through solid glass. But as I was chasing you mugs over here, I saw what you were describing. A swirly portal thing. You didn't tell me it looks just like a giant breast. I would've thought you'd remember that detail."

 

Emoticon whips around. "A breast, you say? Where? Where?"

 

"Finally, one of you ginks cares about the portal."

 

"You mentioned a breast. Where is the breast? Can I see it? Can I touch it? Can I photograph it and call it my girlfriend?"

 

"10!!" shouts Mylite. The others crowd around, Emoticon torn between seeing a perfect 10 copy of Action 1, and finding out about the breast.

 

"It's beautiful..." says Alias.

 

"Look at the colors..." says Rerun.

 

"Just think if it were a Hulk 181?" says Emoticon, his mind not quite on the find as solidly as it should be.

 

"Up wich yer hands, ya droppers!" says a strange voice. As one, the N'Superables turn to see a very short man with a gun. "Ya cants fool me! Yer part of Newsie Balboa's gang, aincha? Well, I'm gonna fog ya. Whacha think a that?"

 

They all shrug. "Fog?"

 

"He's gonna fill you with lead, you saps!" says Dirk. "He's one of Tony 'Big Balls' Provolone's gang."

 

"Ya ain't gotta prayer! I never miss!"

 

"He never misses," says Dirk.

 

With Rerun unable to tune in, Emoticon unable to switch, and with all of Alias's aliases out searching for comics, Mylite knows it is up to him to save his team. But in his hand is a gem mint 10.0 copy of Action 1. Even the slightest move could 9.x it. A trickle of sweat forms on his temple as he weighs his next move.

 

"Do something," whispers Alias as the small man raises his gun.

 

"So, what's your name, good-looking?" says Mylite, turning on all of his charm while standing perfectly still. Usually he uses his super-powered body language to help boost his charm levels, but he dares not twitch even a single muscle.

 

The small man hesitates. "Who, me?"

 

"Of course you, handsome."

 

"Oh... I, uh, I's Shortie Spumoni. I's a button man for Big Balls."

 

"A button man, how fascinating."

 

"It means he's a professional killer," says Dirk helpfully.

 

Mylite swallows. The tiny drop of sweat, now fully formed, begins its slow journey down his face.

 

First Emoticon, then Rerun, then Alias see the drop of sweat, and notice that it is directly above the Gem Mint 10.0 Action Comics 1. If it drops, the book is trashed. Seconds tick sluggish and hollow as they stare mesmerized at the inexorable pull of gravity. The drop travels down his cheek, inching ever closer to his jaw.

 

"...of course, I've never actually met a button man before, but my admiration is genuine," says Mylite, unaware of the drama unfolding on the side of his face. "Love the pinstripes."

 

"Yeah? Sears junior dept. I could show ya the shelf, if youse was innerested or sompin."

 

"I'd love that." Without thinking, Mylite nods his approval.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

To be continued...

Edited June 9, 2004 by Joanna

[ultimatevenom]

Sweet joanna.

 

Some great comic stuff in there.

 

"No one is going to be reading anything!" snaps Mylite, his hands shaking at the thought of an inadvertently cracked spine.

 

 

 

[greggy]

[Joanna]

Sweet joanna.

 

Some great comic stuff in there.

 

 

I had to make sure it wasn't OT.

 

-- Joanna

[ultimatevenom]

Sweet joanna.

 

Some great comic stuff in there.

 

 

I had to make sure it wasn't OT.

 

-- Joanna

 

It has to be one of my faves so far.

[Joanna]

It has to be one of my faves so far.

 

Woo Hoo!!

 

I guess I should've put you in this one. I was torn between putting you in or putting in Puny Human, and I chose him because it was easier to make a gangster name out of his handle. Sorry.

[ultimatevenom]

It has to be one of my faves so far.

 

Woo Hoo!!

 

I guess I should've put you in this one. I was torn between putting you in or putting in Puny Human, and I chose him because it was easier to make a gangster name out of his handle. Sorry.

 

I think my name is better suited being something to do with poison or a snake.

 

Keep up the good work

[Joanna]

I think my name is better suited being something to do with poison or a snake.

 

Keep up the good work

 

Or it could have nothing to do with your name at all. Theese things happen as well. One never can tell. I know I can't.

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

 

You're always so much happier when it's a Mylite chapter.

[greggy]

 

You're always so much happier when it's a Mylite chapter.

Especially when it involves sweet...sweet DCs!

[ultimatevenom]

Shouldn't you get some sleep so you can write some more Crisis for us fanboys?

 

[Joanna]

Especially when it involves sweet...sweet DCs!

 

 

You mean sweet, sweet National Periodicals.

[greggy]

Especially when it involves sweet...sweet DCs!

 

 

You mean sweet, sweet National Periodicals.

Ok...getting late so

[Joanna]

Shouldn't you get some sleep so you can write some more Crisis for us fanboys?

 

 

Yup, I should. The next chapter is the war comic.

[ultimatevenom]

Especially when it involves sweet...sweet DCs!

 

 

You mean sweet, sweet National Periodicals.

Ok...getting late so

 

It sucks not being on when most of the activity is happening, you be on at lunch you two?

 

[THE_BEYONDER]

"GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY FROM ME!" says Snowball. Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!

 

Using all the brainpower residing in her enormous cranium, Goo says, "Kuhm tooo Mah Mah!"

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

 

[chrisco37]

Another awesome chapter Joanna!!!!