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Wise Words from a Wise Man

Started by mkkiller,

30 posts in this topic

mkkiller

mkkiller

Posted
Posted

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman.

 

Whats your take on this, having some trouble right now in my relationship and would like some advice :/

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comix4fun

comix4fun

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“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman.

 

Whats your take on this, having some trouble right now in my relationship and would like some advice :/

 

 

 

Neil's a creator, an artist with words, which also means he's in touch with his feelings, perhaps too much so.

 

There's understanding your feelings and then there's wallowing around in your feelings.

 

It's healthy to understand what you are feeling and why, but not so much to languish inside them once you figure it out.

 

There are billions of people on the planet, if this isn't the right one then you've discovered something valuable that will not rob you of days, months, years of your life wasting it on someone who wasn't right for you.

 

Happiness isn't necessarily this one person being "the one" if they really aren't. Happiness is knowing the truth and making peace with it so that you can move on with your life and maybe find someone you were meant to be with.

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Tony S

Tony S

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Bro - (or sister) I don't know if you are looking for a bit of humor or something in the way of serious.

 

If it's humor, my favorite saying is: No matter how good she looks, somewhere there is a man sick and tired of her s&*t.."

 

As far as serious goes, we don't know enough about you or the relationship. Talking is the key - and a lot of couples are helped tremendously by involving a counselor. A trained professional can often in just one or two meetings see the problems that the people in the relationship cannot.

 

If you attend a Church, most ordained clergy are qualified and licensed counselors. They seldom charge for the counseling sessions. Otherwise, even medium size towns usually have one or more counselors

 

I encourage you to go to counseling. Go by yourself if you cannot get your partner to go with you.

 

 

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catrick339

catrick339

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Relationships and marriages are hard work. HARD.

 

Worth every erg if you're happy with your partner, another slog to a dead end job if you're not.

 

Choose your lovers wisely, and don't base everything or even the biggest percentage on looks. I'll take a smart, funny friendly woman with ordinary looks every time over a ravishing beauty with a bad temper

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Mishmashman

Mishmashman

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A great relationship takes a lot of work, but if you're doing it with your best friend, it doesn't seem like work at all. Laughter and support get you through some really bad times. You need to ask whether this person is your best friend.

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Calamerica

Calamerica

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Bro - (or sister) I don't know if you are looking for a bit of humor or something in the way of serious.

 

If it's humor, my favorite saying is: No matter how good she looks, somewhere there is a man sick and tired of her s&*t.."

 

I had a few of those back in the day...when my "so-called friends" found out that I dumped THEM, they were aghast! " how could you get rid of that "you-know-what brickhouse???" I always had the stock reply for them: "Here' s her phone number. If you think you can keep this wench happy and stop whining/crying/complaining/want-it-all-NOW than you are abetter man than me." I even told them what she liked and HOW she liked or allowed certain things. Guess what? NONE of them ever called( or so I believe...you never know, but if they had, they would have found out the HARD way).

 

As far as serious goes, we don't know enough about you or the relationship. Talking is the key - and a lot of couples are helped tremendously by involving a counselor. A trained professional can often in just one or two meetings see the problems that the people in the relationship cannot.

 

If you attend a Church, most ordained clergy are qualified and licensed counselors. They seldom charge for the counseling sessions. Otherwise, even medium size towns usually have one or more counselors

 

I encourage you to go to counseling. Go by yourself if you cannot get your partner to go with you.

 

 

CAL been there done that...

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ItsJustRyan

ItsJustRyan

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When you take a step back (I mean really take a step back) and look at the situation objectively, with out all the emotional interference, you may realize some obvious flaws of the situation that were not visible before.

 

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea”. Isak Dinesen

 

 

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Calamerica

Calamerica

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“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman.

 

Whats your take on this, having some trouble right now in my relationship and would like some advice :/

 

Sometimes life seems unfair, but if given enough proper THOUGHT and logical reasoning( the most critical part of Human's ability of Cognitive Thinking), you can realize that there is NO relationship that is EXACTLY 50/50. One or the other is going to love, care, protect, look out for, need the other/desire the other/want to stay put than the other one. The trick is for YOU to get into a situation where SHE is that other one at 51% or more wanting YOU more. This sounds crass, brash, whatever, but I have been around the block a bit and once I stopped being that shining White Knight...things changed. A man has to be a Man and I don't care how many women's libbers that get shot out of a cannon on N.O.W.'s Circus day... they secretly want a Man's man. They may say one thing, do another, and fall behind that " A woman's perogative" bs.

 

Look at the men who get those "mail-order-brides" from poor conditions. Sure, the girl wants to stay as she has it better here than wherever( fill-in-the-blanks) but to ME" they can't/don't have enough "game" to get an American Woman. Is there any "real love" in those cases? Great Q, and one I won't ever need to find out.

 

Don't give up, keep yourself confident and climb all the necessary ladders you need to and you should have no problem.

 

CAL :wishluck:

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Thawk

Thawk

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Want to send some encouragement to the OP - like several have said before, no advice will be perfect cause none of us know exactly what situation you're in. But, some of the best advice I ever got was this: "Being 'in love' is not the same as love. Love is a choice - a verb - sometimes it's not so easy and it's important to remember in those moments that it's a choice, not just a feeling."

 

Best!

 

(Also - echo the words on counseling)

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conditionfreak

conditionfreak

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You can not imagine how powerful the smallest action can be. One phone call. One sentence. One accidental meeting. Maybe you should back off, and give yourself and the other party some breathing space. Then when you are feeling more confident about dealing with "it" being over. Your confidence will come through to them, and that might just be what they are looking for. Someone who does not want them sooo much. Having someone that can not live without you, is not all that it is cracked up to be. That is a lot of pressure on a person.

 

On a funny side note. I once had a girlfriend that only liked men that did not like her. What a convoluted situation. Naturally it did not work out. Because I really liked her. :pullhair:

 

Women. Go figure. (shrug)

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mkkiller

mkkiller

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Thank you everyone for the kind words and for being so understanding and wanting to help me on this situation. Me and the other party agreed that it would just be better to separate and though it pains me to do so, I realize that you cant always hold onto something and that it wont always be there. We are being mature about the situation and just pressing on. Its happened so many times before but its okay because I am a strong individual.

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