Need advice on a sale that is going sideways 7 7

[1Cool]

2 hours ago, october said:

Same. Zero arguments as a result. 

My wife and I keep completely separate finances and have a joint card for us stuff that gets paid off each month.  We never fight over money which is a blessing compared to the constant fights which developed from my stay at home ex-wife.  My wife spends her money on face painting conferences and earrings and I get to spend my money on comic books and comic con adventures.  Life couldn't be better.

[CKinTO]

3 hours ago, 1Cool said:

My wife and I keep completely separate finances and have a joint card for us stuff that gets paid off each month.  We never fight over money which is a blessing compared to the constant fights which developed from my stay at home ex-wife.  My wife spends her money on face painting conferences and earrings and I get to spend my money on comic books and comic con adventures.  Life couldn't be better.

I'm really curious how you make this work. If you don't mind me asking, how do you both plan for joint savings / retirement / long-term goals? This setup seems great for monthly expenses, and you get the freedom to buy what you want, but what if for example 1 partner doesn't save anything (and just spends everything on whatever they want), and the other is more responsible saving for retirement while also indulging (within budget) on the "wants". If that goes on through marriage without the proper planning, the unsaver will have to depend on the saver in retirement, and that may lead to some friction when the saver feels like they did all the sacrificing for both parties?

The way my wife and I do it is we each have our own individual accounts, but we both know how much we're each making, and we each put the majority of those earnings into a joint account. Then everything is paid out of the joint account (mortgage, expenses, retirement savings, etc.) We pre-plan in advance how much of each of our own paychecks we get to keep in our individual accounts, and so of that planned amount, we get to spend it on whatever we want.

Different strokes for different folks of course, but found this works best for us.

[newshane]

4 minutes ago, CKinTO said:

 

The way my wife and I do it is we each have our own individual accounts, but we both know how much we're each making, and we each put the majority of those earnings into a joint account. Then everything is paid out of the joint account (mortgage, expenses, retirement savings, etc.) We pre-plan in advance how much of each of our own paychecks we get to keep in our individual accounts, and so of that planned amount, we get to spend it on whatever we want.

 

This is also how my wife and I do things.

[revat]

7 minutes ago, newshane said:

12 minutes ago, CKinTO said:

 

The way my wife and I do it is we each have our own individual accounts, but we both know how much we're each making, and we each put the majority of those earnings into a joint account. Then everything is paid out of the joint account (mortgage, expenses, retirement savings, etc.) We pre-plan in advance how much of each of our own paychecks we get to keep in our individual accounts, and so of that planned amount, we get to spend it on whatever we want.

 

This is also how my wife and I do things.

I think this is fairly common.  Finances are a HUGE deal in marriage, maybe even the #1 thing.  I think I saw a study where finances where the #1 cause of divorce.  There's lots of different ways to make it work, but the key is to be on the same page. 

[Artboy99]

6 hours ago, ADAMANTIUM said:

Or she would, with receipts and the cost and a tape recorder, isn't thievery over a certain dollar amount a felony?

well she didn't steal them, she threw them away.

[ADAMANTIUM]

1 minute ago, Artboy99 said:

well she didn't steal them, she threw them away.

Lol that' stealing and destruction of property in my book... but I don't want to open anything already forgiven or at least in the past. It might have been joint property, if you were married, but still if the receipts were with a credit card under your name only etc a lawyer would have had a case. That's still kind of a stretch, because I don't know that you would have got any money out of it, just justice. 

[Artboy99]

2 minutes ago, ADAMANTIUM said:

Lol that' stealing and destruction of property in my book... but I don't want to open anything already forgiven or at least in the past. It might have been joint property, if you were married, but still if the receipts were with a credit card under your name only etc a lawyer would have had a case. That's still kind of a stretch, because I don't know that you would have got any money out of it, just justice. 

Just wanted to get away as fast as possible. I didn't want some long drawn out legal dispute over anything. Forgiven? NEVER.

[ADAMANTIUM]

Just now, Artboy99 said:

Just wanted to get away as fast as possible. I didn't want some long drawn out legal dispute over anything. Forgiven? NEVER.

I get it..... and that would've burn me too! 

[kav]

I only considered marrying someone one time in my life but her finances were a mess so nope.

[porcupine48]

CHAOS!

[Artboy99]

2 hours ago, kav said:

I only considered marrying someone one time in my life but her finances were a mess so nope.

I considered marrying that one but I came to my senses. Been single ever since: 1996 - present.

[kav]

4 minutes ago, Artboy99 said:

I considered marrying that one but I came to my senses. Been single ever since: 1996 - present.

omg wow.  holy-

[Spyder!]

4 hours ago, revat said:

I think this is fairly common.  Finances are a HUGE deal in marriage, maybe even the #1 thing.  I think I saw a study where finances where the #1 cause of divorce.  There's lots of different ways to make it work, but the key is to be on the same page. 

My wife and I have the complete opposite of separate finances, we share everything all the time.  For some I know this doesn't work, but we have no issues, never have.  She buys what she wants and I buy what I want and we have savings goals for the kids and retirement, etc.  There's no one way, it's just about being on the same page like you said.

[Artboy99]

2 hours ago, kav said:

omg wow.  holy-

what can I say? She completely turned me off of relationships. I do what I want when I want and I am a lot happier. Maybe I could meet the "right" lady, but I am not looking at all. I get hit on frequently due to job but I just ignore it.

[kav]

2 minutes ago, Artboy99 said:

what can I say? She completely turned me off of relationships. I do what I want when I want and I am a lot happier. Maybe I could meet the "right" lady, but I am not looking at all. I get hit on frequently due to job but I just ignore it.

I'm the same way.  Havent had relationship in 18 years and much happier for it.  Do what I want when I want and never argue.  

[SteppinRazor]

35 minutes ago, Artboy99 said:

what can I say? She completely turned me off of relationships. I do what I want when I want and I am a lot happier. Maybe I could meet the "right" lady, but I am not looking at all. I get hit on frequently due to job but I just ignore it.

What job do you have that invites getting hit on?

[wombat]

53 minutes ago, Spyder! said:

My wife and I have the complete opposite of separate finances, we share everything all the time.  For some I know this doesn't work, but we have no issues, never have.  She buys what she wants and I buy what I want and we have savings goals for the kids and retirement, etc.  There's no one way, it's just about being on the same page like you said.

I am the same way. Heck, we combined all of our finances before we were even married. It works for us. I was actually surprised when I heard people kept separate finances. But obviously different things work for different people. 

[Artboy99]

7 minutes ago, SteppinRazor said:

What job do you have that invites getting hit on?

finance with a bank. You would be surprised at what they will do.

[jaeldubyoo]

4 minutes ago, wombat said:

I am the same way. Heck, we combined all of our finances before we were even married. It works for us. I was actually surprised when I heard people kept separate finances. But obviously different things work for different people. 

 

We combine all our finances. What's mine is hers, and what's hers is hers. Wait a minute...I need to talk to her.

[Poka]

My wife happily picks up my comics from the P.O. but if she needs to help a courier carrying a comic box it has been become tradition that I give her some $. She collect bags I collect comics - both happy.