Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[Aces]

Be kind to Lurkers...

 

I haven't posted here because I have no clue as to what's going on in this thread.

[blutobc]

Well start reading from the 1st post.....it's worth the time....it's good reading. Joanna can somehow make you feel like you know the characters(board members even though you've never met)....Or is that members you hope you don't meet? Come to think of it I don't want to meet anyone's member

[Joanna]

Be kind to Lurkers...

 

Too late.

 

I haven't posted here because I have no clue as to what's going on in this thread.

 

Right now, you are part of a large, red blob that can only speak in rhyme, and you're heading for a death trap.

 

Looks like the votes favor a Lurkers vs. Big Bangers brawl. And thus it shall be.

 

-- Joanna

[DiceX]

Looks like the votes favor a Lurkers vs. Big Bangers brawl. And thus it shall be.

 

Damn Lurkers!

[BronzeBruce13]

Good to see Ol' Jupiter is stil kickin'

 

I saw him mentioned awhile back to be included in an upcoming installment... but he was no where to be found?

 

[Joanna]

Issue 11, Part 7: In the Time of Nick

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

(otis) - Red, fused and rhyming

(Aces) - Red, fused and rhyming

mrwoogieman) - Red, fused and rhyming

(Fokker) - Red, fused and rhyming

(dillmeister) - Red, fused and rhyming

(blutobc) -

 

 

Slaughter - Eric123 - Mindreader

Demon - Proverbs22_2 - fire pellets

Tarantula - Webhead - Paralyzing bite

 

 

Issue 11, Part 7: In the Time of Nick

 

"Who's Nick?" asks Demon.

 

"What?" Slaughter is tiring of crouching behind the heart meter across from his crocodile-filled death pit.

 

"I just read the title. It says 'In the Time of Nick' and I'm wondering who Nick is," says Demon.

 

"Nobody reads the titles. They're meaningless. Concentrate on your current death trap duties and just ignore the typist, okay?"

 

"Okay. I was just wondering. I mean, I thought we could kill Nick while we were waiting."

 

"Kiw Nick," chortled Tarantula. He loved killing, so it sounded like a great idea to him.

 

"There's no Nick! Just shut up! I think I hear them oozing this way."

 

Meanwhile

 

The blob is oozing along the corridor with Bluto leading the way.

 

"I don't see an exit," says Bluto. "It's strange that we were routed this way since there was a clearly lit exit just opposite the Blob Detour sign."

 

"That sign was written in Crayola.

Perhaps the staff was on the payola

Of the Big Banger Gang.

This could be a trap. Dang."

 

"Your rhymes are getting worse. I wonder if that's a bad sign?"

 

"You want a bad sign?

Then try this line:

We're fused and red

And very nearly dead!"

 

"Sshh! I think I hear something. I'll go investigate." Bluto stealthily walks toward a large pit carved into the middle of the floor. He looks down and sees a gaggle of crodiles floating in black water. Or is it a herd? A flock? A pride? A murder? A gr--

 

"What do you see?

An exit for me?"

 

"No, it's just a large pit with crocodiles in it. Wanna see?"

 

The blob oozes to the edge of the pit and looks down. Suddenly, the flooring gives way under the blob's weight, and they all crash into the pit. They land with a huge splash and wait for the jaws of death to crush their bones and rip their flesh. But nothing happens.

 

"What the-- These are blow-up plastic crocs! They're not real!" says Bluto joyously.

 

Meanwhile

 

"Just how stupid are these people?" asks Slaughter in a rage.

 

"Whodda thunk it?" says Demon.

 

"Look, if you saw a large death trap pit full of crocodiles, would you a) fall into said pit or b) walk around it so as to avoid the obvious death and dismemberment therein?"

 

"Uh... dere anodder choice?" asks Tran.

 

"No! Those are your two choices! Do you die or do you avoid death by WALKING AROUND THE TRAP AND THEREBY FALLING INTO THE REAL DEATH TRAP WE PLACED ON THE EDGE OF THE TRAP???"

 

"I guess I'd choose the fake trap over the real trap," says Demon.

 

"Me, too," says Tran.

 

"No! You don't KNOW it's a fake trap! It looks real, and you don't know there's a real trap next to it so you think the fake trap is the real trap."

 

"But it's fake." Pause. "I don't get it," says Demon. Tran nods in agreement with Demon.

 

"Okay, look -- we can salvage this. Demon, release the killer bees. Tran, transfer the piranhas from the real trap into the fake trap. I'll herd the cobras that way as well. We can still do this."

 

Hurrying to obey, Tran jumps into the pool of piranhas that was concealed under a fake floor next to the fake death trap. The fish immediately begin biting him. He bites back. The water churns like a washing machine on a non-delicate cycle, with fish blood mingling with Tran blood as the two deadly species fight it out.

 

Demon pulls out the killer bee hive and opens the lid. Instantly he is surrounded by a swarm of killer bees. He begins firing flame pellets in all directions. Very few bees are affected.

 

Slaughter, seeing the trouble his gang is in, throws the bag of cobras into the fake pit without removing the snakes, then heads out of the haunted, abandoned wing. It is, he realizes, a really sucky day to be a villain.

 

Meanwhile

 

Inside the fake pit, Bluto picks up the bag of cobras, realizes that he doesn't like the way it keeps slithering, and dunks it under water. The bag soon stops slithering.

 

"I guess I'll go find a crane or something to lift you guys out."

 

"Wait! We have a plan

Just give us a hand

Pile the crocs into a ladder

We'll ooze on our bellies, like an adder

Up we'll go 'til we reach the top

And then we can go find a cop."

 

"Works for me. Should we help the guy in the piranha tank or the guy wearing a beard of bees?"

 

"Leave them to their fun

We can't save everyone."

 

"Yeah, you guys would've made great superheroes if you had just gotten powers instead of turning into a blob. Oh well, let's go. Hand me that croc."

 

To be continued...

 

 

 

Edited September 21, 2003 by Joanna

[Joanna]

Good to see Ol' Jupiter is stil kickin'

 

I saw him mentioned awhile back to be included in an upcoming installment... but he was no where to be found?

 

 

I should really consider actually reading this thing, so that I can figure what hints and clues I planted that I never followed up on. Next chapter, I'll try to include the Solar Powers more fully. There are lots of players who haven't had much to do recently, so I'll do my best to bring everyone back in.

 

Dang thing has WAY too many characters!

 

-- Joanna

[BronzeBruce13]

Just go with the flow... don't force us in if we don't fit at the time.

 

Congrats in advance on your upcoming 2000th post!.. nearly all of which were delivered with class and proper grammer!

 

 

ps.. i actually found a typo

 

Hurrying to obey, Tran jumps into the pool of piranhas that was concealed under a fake floor next to the fake death trap. The fish immediately begin biting him. He bites back. >>The water is churns like a washing machine on a non-delicate cycle, with fish blood mingling with Tran blood as the two deadly species fight it out.<<

 

in here >> <<

[Joanna]

Just go with the flow... don't force us in if we don't fit at the time.

 

I won't do what the story can't, but there are a lot of neglected characters at this point. It's primarily because most of the characters are all in the same place (the time stream) and that makes it difficult to focus on separate groups. I'll figure it out.

 

Congrats in advance on your upcoming 2000th post!.. nearly all of which were delivered with class and proper grammer!

 

Next post is it, I think! I must make it momentous. Or not.

 

 

ps.. i actually found a typo

 

Thanks. A sentence I changed to eliminate the passive voice and make it active, but I forgot that durned passive noun. Much obliged.

 

-- Joanna

[PovertyRow]

Thanks. A sentence I changed to eliminate the passive voice and make it active, but I forgot that durned passive noun. Much obliged.

 

To paraphrase Ash in Evil Dead 3 (aka Army Of Darkness)

 

Active? Passive? You're the one with the gun!

[Joanna]

I love you guys!

 

 

 

 

 

(note: I thought this was a better 2000th post than my original idea which was to tell Pov that I hadn't seen the film and therefore didn't understand his reference. Lousy 2000th post, doncha think? It's much better to just tell all you wacky lads that I'm quite fond of you. I realize this is a chick thing, but indulge me just this once).

 

 

 

-- Joanna

[greggy]

I love you guys!

 

 

 

 

 

(note: I thought this was a better 2000th post than my original idea which was to tell Pov that I hadn't seen the film and therefore didn't understand his reference. Lousy 2000th post, doncha think? It's much better to just tell all you wacky lads that I'm quite fond of you. I realize this is a chick thing, but indulge me just this once).

 

 

 

-- Joanna

[JLA_ALL_THE_WAY]

 

Dang it!

 

I was aiming at greggy (the one on the left...obviously)

 

 

Rick

[Lantern]

[PovertyRow]

I thought this was a better 2000th post than my original idea which was to tell Pov that I hadn't seen the film and therefore didn't understand his reference.

 

Well Ash, our hero, has found himself split in two, one good and one bad, buy evil deviltry. He is talking to himself and the bad Ash is tormenting the good Ash. Good Ash hefts his shotgun and says "Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun." He then proceeds to shoot himself (his bad self).

 

And there you have it!

[Proverbs22_2]

I thought this was a better 2000th post than my original idea which was to tell Pov that I hadn't seen the film and therefore didn't understand his reference.

 

Well Ash, our hero, has found himself split in two, one good and one bad, buy evil deviltry. He is talking to himself and the bad Ash is tormenting the good Ash. Good Ash hefts his shotgun and says "Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun." He then proceeds to shoot himself (his bad self).

 

And there you have it!

 

HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN "ARMY OF DARKNESS"!?!?

 

GOD! Joanna, you are just as bad as the Trustees at The Academy of Motion-picture Arts and Sciences...evidently they missed it too, else Bruce Campbell would have himself a nice, shiney, Oscar by now...

 

-Joe

[Joanna]

 

HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN "ARMY OF DARKNESS"!?!?

 

GOD! Joanna, you are just as bad as the Trustees at The Academy of Motion-picture Arts and Sciences...evidently they missed it too, else Bruce Campbell would have himself a nice, shiney, Oscar by now...

 

-Joe

 

Actually, I have seen Army of Darkness, but it was a long time ago. And I thought Pov was speaking of a sequel, not the original. Truth is, I don't remember a lot from the film because it's a genre that is not high on my list of favorites. I've seen some of Bruce's work, but not all of it. I once had lunch with his personal assistant (not by design; we were the only two patrons in a restaurant and started talking. We decided to sit together and that's when I found out who she was). I had to bluff my way through some of the conversation because she assumed I would have an in-depth knowledge of Bruce's entire career. You and Pov would've done better than I did, that's for sure!

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

I love you guys!

 

 

 

 

...except the hater who knocked the thread down to 3 stars.

 

 

Okay, I'm over it. Knock it down to one if you want to. Won't stop me from writing it! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

 

-- Joanna

[greggy]

I love you guys!

 

 

 

 

...except the hater who knocked the thread down to 3 stars.

 

 

Okay, I'm over it. Knock it down to one if you want to. Won't stop me from writing it! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

 

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

As a reward to whoever got the star count back up to four, here you go:

 

Issue 11, Part 8: A New Era

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

 

Flying Donut (Flying Donut) Flight

Lighthouse (Lighthouse) eye beams

Spelling Bee (PovertyRow) flight, stinger

Mercury (Dam60) flight, heat, speed

Venus (CosmicBob) flight, love

Earth (Ubiquiti) flight, power over dirt

Mars (Mushroom) flight, warrior skills

Uranus (Old Guy) flight, noxious scent

Saturn (Odin) flight, energy rings

Jupiter (BronzeBruce) flight, gas

Neptune (Zonker) flight, water

Pluto (hkp) flight, ice

Ding Dong (Aman) goo

Squatter (Lantern) knee laser beams

Mylite (greggy) slabbed, irresistible

Week Guy (NewtSamson) Lord of Time Stream

Month Guy (Johnny Double) Lord of Time Stream

 

Issue 11, Part 8: A New Era

 

 

"Solar Powers! Gather around," says Bee in his most authoritative tone.

 

Quickly, the nine members of the Solar Powers orbit Bee. "What's up?" asks Jupiter.

 

"We're going to make a diversion. When all the attention is on us, you guys should rush the agents with powers blasting. That should knock them out long enough for us to continue to the beginning of time.

 

"Wow, that's an actual plan! Much better than Mylite's idea to distract them with a River Dance."

 

"Yes, we felt it should be more superhero-y and less Michael Flatley."

 

Bee approaches the Hostess Hoard and tells them that if the Solar Powers fail, it's up to them to overcome the agents. He tells the same thing to the N'Superables, the Hero Squadron, the Bad Brigade and everyone else. When everyone knows what to do, Lighthouse pretends to faint.

 

"Oh my God! Come quick! Something is wrong with House!" shouts Donut.

 

Mylite nods permission to the agents, and releases their loving gazes. Quickly, they run to find out what happened to House.

 

"Is he sick?" asks Jonny.

 

"I don't know. He just passed out! We need to get him to a doctor!"

 

"There's a hospital at the beginning of time. That's the closest one. But you guys aren't allowed to go there."

 

"He's dying, man! You have to do something."

 

Jonny and Newt separate themselves from the group and confer on what to do. A death in the time stream was unheard of, and could shift the balance of time and anti-time.

 

"We've got to contact HQ and find out what to do."

 

"I think we should let them all through without a fight so that they can take him to Chronos General at the beginning of time. We can't take the risk of his dying in the time stream."

 

"You're probably right, Month Guy," says Newt. "Okay, let's tell them."

 

At that moment they hear a thunderous battle cry. The nine members of the Solar Powers rush toward the two men, planetary powers blasting. An enormous cloud of ever-expanding gas envelops them, then they are pelted by flame, ice, dirt, water, energy rings, and heat.

 

Both men duck.

 

The blast bypasses them and punches a hole in the time stream, sucking all nine members of the Solar Powers through. The hole heals itself as soon as the last man has disappeared.

 

"We are in for a lot of paperwork," says Jonny, staring at the now-healed time stream.

 

"Excuse me," says House, forgetting to play sick. "Where did they go?"

 

Jonny walks over to the wall, takes out a jeweler's loop, and presses it against the miasmic churning energy that makes up the time stream. "Close as I can guess -- they're in the Jurassic. Possibly one of those other 'asic' eras. I was never all that good on dinosaur stuff."

 

"Dinosaurs? They're in the age of the dinosaurs?" whispers Mylite.

 

"Yeah. So, Mylite, you were telling us about your sweet, sweet DCs. Did you ever get that 9.6?"

 

"Well..." Mylite glances at the place where the Solar Powers fell through, then looks back at the agents. He shrugs and leads the two men away. "Funny story, actually. I saw the 100 pager on ebay, but I was afraid there might be some shilling, so I--"

 

"What do we do now?" asks Ding Dong.

 

"Plan Bee," says Bee, laughing at his own joke. No one else laughs. "You never get my humor."

 

"What is Plan B?" asks Squatter.

 

Donut pretends to faint.

 

"Oh my God! Come quick! Something is wrong with Donut!" shouts House.

 

Meanwhile

 

The Solar Powers are standing in the middle of a tropical jungle in heavy, torrential rain. Insects as large as VWs fly past and a herd of Dyslocosaurus stand in a lake, eating leaves off the over-hanging trees on shore. In the distance, a Pterandon flies overhead.

 

"We're in freaking Jurassic Park!" says Saturn.

 

"Not the Jurassic. The Cretateous, somewhere in Wyoming," says Earth.

 

"Since when do you know so much about dinosaurs?" asks Pluto.

 

"I'm Earth. They're my creatures." Everyone gives him a look. "The internet."

 

"Okay, planets, settle down. We have to come up with a plan. We're trapped in the Cretateous with a billion hungry dinosaurs. We need to get to the beginning of time."

 

"And how exactly are we going to do that?" asks Neptune.

 

"Somewhere, there has to be a portal."

 

"Yes! There's always a portal!!" Venus says excitedly.

 

"What would a portal look like?" asks Mercury, having had his fill of them on the Archi-Moderator's ship. "In these parts, I mean."

 

"Swirly, colorful, round, portal-like," says Jupiter convincingly.

 

"Sounds about right," says Mars.

 

"Okay! Start looking."

 

"Jupe, I think we should avoid looking to our right," says Uranus.

 

"Why is that?"

 

"Because that T Rex looks hungry."

 

As one, they all turn to the right only to find the huge, gaping, tooth-filled jaws of a Tyrannasaurus Rex.

 

"That nails it. Definitely the Cretateous!" says Earth, smugly.

 

The T Rex roars, Earth defecates in his pants, and as one, the Solar Powers run.

 

To be continued.