OT: Yikes, My Wife Wants To Move

[seanfingh]

I agree, it's probably stress, she may "handle" it, but women internalize a lot of stuff men don't see. I also don't know how old she is, but women have to deal with a lot of hormonal stress starting as early as their late 30's.

I use this method when we get to the point where there are emotional/big financial decisions...take a legal pad (or just a piece of paper), draw a line down the middle and do one side for Pros, and one for Cons. It makes a big difference, when it's all written out in front of you and you can see the list. When she sees on the Con list, how upset the kids are going to be, and the problem with your earning a decent living so you can afford to put them through college, she'll get a better picture. Being able to visualize the Pros and Cons helps a tremendous amount. You can always suggest that moving can be a plan for when you both retire and the kids are out of school (thumbs u

 

Nik,

 

I second the concept of a T chart for this type of thing. It makes concrete positives and negatives and allows knee-jerk emotion to be reduced. Everyone can add to and review the pros and cons to help make it a more logical discussion rather than focusing only on the things that caused the friction in the first place.

[Jeffro.]

Move to the Cape.

 

 

Or Connecticut. lol lol lol lol

 

Yeah, that's it! Away from upscale, select towns with high expenses.

 

Yup, that's CT to a tee. Think Bridgeport.

 

 

Well, you know what I meant!

 

 

[Stonewall-migration]

Well Framingham, know exactly what you mean about the good stuff. Grew up in Rhode Island and lived in Dighton, Massachusetts for 20 years until a few years ago. Our areas could be as good as anywhere else but unfortunately for some things as bad as anything else. July can be 100 and January can be 0. Heat, if you are careful, can be over $700 a month. You can buy a house for that amount in some (nice) parts of this country. And the taxes, utilities and insurance, forget it. Sooner or later comes retirement. Unless you are rich you have got to move.

Well, South Carolina, near Greenville, looked nice. Surrounding cities and interstructure are new. Companies like BMW, Michelin and Automotive Tech Parks are moving in and growing. Monthly air and heat don't exceed $150. Property taxes for an average house (there 175K new, Massachusetts 350K in cheap communities) about $1,000 a year, not a quarter. It's not for everyone, but if you have a fixed income or a windfall cause you just made a pile on your house what's better.

 

Yea, I miss the Cape and skiing. Now I can't go six times a year. But I can now afford to live the other 360 days.

[Old Fashion PB and J]

Cancel the trip to greece, and take her to Wyoming. Im sure that could be a nice place to visit... But seriously, you are 100% right. Selling everything now and moving is just not a good idea, I mean sure you could buy a house cheap but selling yours would be suicide. And starting a business again from scratch I am sure is the least attractive offer you have heard . The kids would be especially fond of going also...

 

And Wyoming ? Isnt that where the whole Brokeback Mountain movie took place ? (I never saw it)

[toro]

I'd be guessing but I bet a whole lot of the stress is due to the state mandated MCAS tests. Teachers in MA, are forced to teach to for a big test and not a more well rounded curriculum.

[Silver Surfer]

I don't think I could work for someone else being on my own since 89'

 

Seriously Nik tough call espcially since you have kids. Has she exhausted all avenues locally in terms of finding the "right" job for her. Seems like a drastic move to pick up the whole family and start over again unless of course this offer is a dream for her?

[VintageComics]

JUST DON'T TELL HER YOU POSTED THIS ON THE INTERNET!

 

Then she'll move you to a place with no electricity.

 

 

To me big decisions are like big purchases. Don't do it as an impusle. Wait a few months or a eyar and see if it still feels like the right thing to do. If it's meant to be the need will not go away.

 

Nik, I can't see you working for someone else either.

 

(thumbs u

[bhhooks22]

 

She is tired of Mass, tired of our snobby little clicque town we live in

 

Here I am living the American dream. Never went to college, self-employed, very nice home in a very safe, suburban town. She just got hired as a Math specialist for all the public schools of Framingham, great pay, lots of hours though, and she wants to move

 

It has taken us almost 10 years to get to this point in our lives, but she is fed up with this state, fed up with the expenses that come along with living in a select town, and fed up with the snobs.

 

She threw out Wyoming, and God I hope she was joking

 

Kids don't want to move, I am too old to start a business all over again, and there is no way we will make the kind of money we are making now. Granted it goes out sometimes as soon as it comes in, but that's a sacrifice we have made for the kids.

 

Dude , Women are never content . Seriously !!............Trust me !!

 

If this persists , which it shouldn't , you should get out a piece of paper , and list the pro's on one side and the neg's on the other , and let her participate as well .

That should solve your prob. , b/c they tend to react on emotion .

 

BTW. , Sounds like similar issues or worse will be wherever you were to move !!................................Bh

[JazzMan]

Take her to Wyoming on vacation. She'll be begging to get back to Mass. after a week!

[nik]

She actually loves her job. Sure its stressful at times yet rewarding at others. She makes damn good money and has 3 months a year off. She gave up her food adminastration job when my son was born because of all the travel she was doing.

 

I am sure that she can get a job at any state with decent income, the problem is I can get a job in my field at any state also but will not even come close to my income at present, and in my field, all I have is about 10 years left in me as it will become physically impossible to continue.

[Silver Surfer]

She actually loves her job. Sure its stressful at times yet rewarding at others. She makes damn good money and has 3 months a year off. She gave up her food adminastration job when my son was born because of all the travel she was doing.

 

I am sure that she can get a job at any state with decent income, the problem is I can get a job in my field at any state also but will not even come close to my income at present, and in my field, all I have is about 10 years left in me as it will become physically impossible to continue.

 

Sounds like that last thing that would make sense would be for you to start over.

[nik]

I know this in my heart but I also want to make her happy.

[DrWatson]

I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. But, it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what she thinks. So, it looks like, heaven forbid, you will have to a have a meaningful heart felt conversation with your wife.

[Dick Pontoon]

and in my field, all I have is about 10 years left in me as it will become physically impossible to continue.

 

Due to the failing eyesight or overgrowth of hair on the palms?

 

 

I'm sure it'll work out. Both of you guys seem reasonable, and it doesn't seem to make sense to make a move right now between work and the kids.

[awe4one]

If she's serious and moving becomes the option, look at the Florida panhandle area. Pretty diverse population (due to the military spouses), essentially laid back, you have beautiful beaches, and I suspect a pretty sizeable Greek contingent judging by all the Greek Orthodox churches in the area.

 

As far as mechanics, you'd probably do pretty well here as well...

 

Jim

[joeypost]

I know this in my heart but I also want to make her happy.

 

I'd take Wyoming over Florida. Don't know what it's like where you are but it always sounded nice to me.

 

Do what I do. Go over the math, the hassles and the impact to the family and order will be restored.

[bhhooks22]

 

She is tired of Mass, tired of our snobby little clicque town we live in

 

Here I am living the American dream. Never went to college, self-employed, very nice home in a very safe, suburban town. She just got hired as a Math specialist for all the public schools of Framingham, great pay, lots of hours though, and she wants to move

 

It has taken us almost 10 years to get to this point in our lives, but she is fed up with this state, fed up with the expenses that come along with living in a select town, and fed up with the snobs.

 

She threw out Wyoming, and God I hope she was joking

 

Kids don't want to move, I am too old to start a business all over again, and there is no way we will make the kind of money we are making now. Granted it goes out sometimes as soon as it comes in, but that's a sacrifice we have made for the kids.

 

Dude , Women are never content . Seriously !!............Trust me !!

 

If this persists , which it shouldn't , you should get out a piece of paper , and list the pro's on one side and the neg's on the other , and let her participate as well .

That should solve your prob. , b/c they tend to react on emotion .

 

BTW. , Sounds like similar issues or worse will be wherever you were to move !!................................Bh

 

Also ,a man's role has traditionally been known as the primary provider for the family . ( At least you'll get the blame , that's fer sure ! ).

But that also means that he must be the $$ manager .

Yet , it can be difficult , b/c our women , at times , are like a bunch of monkeys up in a tree throwing banana peels in our path !. .........................................................BH

[joeypost]

If she's serious and moving becomes the option, look at the Florida panhandle area. Pretty diverse population (due to the military spouses), essentially laid back, you have beautiful beaches, and I suspect a pretty sizeable Greek contingent judging by all the Greek Orthodox churches in the area.

 

As far as mechanics, you'd probably do pretty well here as well...

 

Jim

 

Marine mechanics do very well. Time to go back to school.

[nik]

My buddy/ex tech moved to Ormond Beach about 8 years ago and finally opened his own shop. He is always telling me to come down as he has made very good coin working for a dealership.

[Old Fashion PB and J]

I know this in my heart but I also want to make her happy.

 

 

I feel your pain. I cant ever leave NJ and make a crack at starting over in a state that does not cost so much money just to live.