I hate to say it, but I think you were the architect of your own pain in this situation. I can totally understand your trepidation in dealing with brand new folks, but if you've had experience on eBay for years (like you say), then you've dealt with quite a few new people and should be used to this. If the book is $400 and the guy or girl paid....mail them the book. If the book is $50, mail them the book. If not, why are you not mailing them the book? It was for sale wasn't it? Then you proceed to call someone's integrity into question without any proof....other than they are new. You see how someone could interpret this as you being the total antagonist in this situation.....
Now, since you've had experience on eBay, for a $400 item, you should have insisted on priority mail with signature verification....that way, there is at least a signature confirmation that the book was accepted at the correct location. I'm not saying that there aren't unscrupulous people out there.....clearly look at the title of this thread, but new people shouldn't necessarily be avoided because of little to no feedback....and again, there are additional postal options to consider for your added protection.