Sorta OT: As you have gotten older....

[supapimp]

i have a handful of dudes that i hang out with in the city, everybody else is just a acquaintance. my good friends don't live in the city tho. so we meet up on trips to like chicago, seattle, vegas, NYC, LA.

[sckao]

 

It's not just about immediate family. It's the extended family that also frequently takes precedence. Your wife has parents or siblings... You have parents and siblings.

 

Commutes are now longer as well so that's even more time wasted during the day... Getting up earlier, sleeping earlier as a result, etc.

 

Between work and family, it's no wonder that non-related friends get placed on the back burner.

 

[delekkerste]

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I wouldn't say that I've stopped making new guy friends, but it's not like the newer friendships have much a chance of becoming very close given that most people don't have the time in their 30s and 40s to develop a lot of shared experiences at that stage of their lives. It's not like when you're in school together in your teens and 20s or living the carefree single life in your 20s up to maybe your early 30s if you're lucky. Really the only friendships that have a chance of developing into close ones at this point are those that develop out of either work or active hobbies (like comics for us).

 

Plus, it's tough to make new friends when it's so difficult to keep up with old friends, even close ones. I probably see some work, comic and opera-related friends maybe 8x a year, but that's about the maximum. Many friends I'll be lucky to see more than once or twice a year, and I've not seen some good friends in longer than that. Marriage, work, kids, suburbs, business travel, etc. all contribute to making inertia the default position. I've also seen some friends fall into a black hole after getting married, making very little effort to stay engaged with their old friends after the fact.

 

In any case, nowadays it's very rare that plans are made on the spur of the moment (e.g., "hey, let's go grab a coffee in an hour") and these "plans", even when they are made, generally consist of just having a meal and catching up on what's happened since the last time we met up. Very rarely is it about actually doing something interesting, which is somewhat depressing if I think about it.

[october]

Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

Said the guy with no kids, no mortgage or a car payment.

Well, yeah, exactly. Since our son was born 11 months ago, I've had a night off maybe 3 or 4 times. Friday at 6pm I'm racing home to relieve my wife from child care, not off to the bar.

 

Interesting post, Brian. You're right, it's definitely harder to keep up male friendships these days. I make some effort but there's no way to really make it a priority, much as I'd like to.

 

 

Let me live in my fantasy land, dammit.

 

I like you guys though. You remind me why I don't have kids, a mortgage or a car payment.

Fair enough...

 

 

I am getting married in October though, so maybe my days of blissful ignorance are numbered.

I didn't know that. Congrats dude!

 

...Oh, and I'm already looking forward to your GA selloff to finance the wedding.

 

 

I have multiple insane OO collection that I am saving for C2E2, $150-200k in super high grade slabs that will all be put on the market. Some killer, killer stuff, most (if not all) priced below GPA. It's going to be fun. Whatever doesn't sell at the show will go up on the boards.

 

I'll have an announcement thread once I get everything together.

[Foolkiller]

Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

Said the guy with no kids, no mortgage or a car payment.

Well, yeah, exactly. Since our son was born 11 months ago, I've had a night off maybe 3 or 4 times. Friday at 6pm I'm racing home to relieve my wife from child care, not off to the bar.

 

Interesting post, Brian. You're right, it's definitely harder to keep up male friendships these days. I make some effort but there's no way to really make it a priority, much as I'd like to.

 

 

Let me live in my fantasy land, dammit.

 

I like you guys though. You remind me why I don't have kids, a mortgage or a car payment.

Fair enough...

 

 

I am getting married in October though, so maybe my days of blissful ignorance are numbered.

I didn't know that. Congrats dude!

 

...Oh, and I'm already looking forward to your GA selloff to finance the wedding.

 

 

I have multiple insane OO collection that I am saving for C2E2, $150-200k in super high grade slabs that will all be put on the market. Some killer, killer stuff, most (if not all) priced below GPA. It's going to be fun. Whatever doesn't sell at the show will go up on the boards.

 

I'll have an announcement thread once I get everything together.

 

Stop whoring your wares in this thread. Bastiche. Only kidding. I know this collection Andy has, and it's killer. Very nice stuff.

[Foolkiller]

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I wouldn't say that I've stopped making new guy friends, but it's not like the newer friendships have much a chance of becoming very close given that most people don't have the time in their 30s and 40s to develop a lot of shared experiences at that stage of their lives. It's not like when you're in school together in your teens and 20s or living the carefree single life in your 20s up to maybe your early 30s if you're lucky. Really the only friendships that have a chance of developing into close ones at this point are those that develop out of either work or active hobbies (like comics for us).

 

Plus, it's tough to make new friends when it's so difficult to keep up with old friends, even close ones. I probably see some work, comic and opera-related friends maybe 8x a year, but that's about the maximum. Many friends I'll be lucky to see more than once or twice a year, and I've not seen some good friends in longer than that. Marriage, work, kids, suburbs, business travel, etc. all contribute to making inertia the default position. I've also seen some friends fall into a black hole after getting married, making very little effort to stay engaged with their old friends after the fact.

 

In any case, nowadays it's very rare that plans are made on the spur of the moment (e.g., "hey, let's go grab a coffee in an hour") and these "plans", even when they are made, generally consist of just having a meal and catching up on what's happened since the last time we met up. Very rarely is it about actually doing something interesting, which is somewhat depressing if I think about it.

 

Yeah, and I think that I used to be able to see the core group in NYC (including you) far more often, even after I first got married than now. And when I think about our group, Miller, married with kid, Hari, Married with kid, Me, married with kid, Dave, married and living in Siberia. You -- not married (yet, let's go dude, I need to go to a bachelor party, the best excuse). But it's hard to plan stuff and then even when people are around, you've got to plan in advance, and you're right, it's not "exciting" stuff often times.

 

Still one of my favorite trips was to Baltimore (where i live now ironically) and we drove down together, crammed ourselves in a hotel room, and all had a chance to hang out -- did it a couple years, or things like Bruce sleeping on the kitchen floor at my house with us all spread out in Philly. I still laugh about that stuff...

[spidrvacc]

Same here. Im 45 and down to a few friends . I spend more time talking to co workers then my friends now. Mostly I keep in touch with friends by text etc. Never get together due to Work, families, money etc and some moved to other states .. Also one thing I always think about is I dont have any friends who have the same hobbies as myself. Comics books, superheroes, pop culture and Star wars / Sci Fi stuff. My friends are my Sports friends. Dont have any friends who have the same hobbies .

[october]

Even if I had kids and a mortgage and a car payment it wouldn't be that difficult to at least go out for two or three hours on Friday for happy hour.

 

Said the guy with no kids, no mortgage or a car payment.

Well, yeah, exactly. Since our son was born 11 months ago, I've had a night off maybe 3 or 4 times. Friday at 6pm I'm racing home to relieve my wife from child care, not off to the bar.

 

Interesting post, Brian. You're right, it's definitely harder to keep up male friendships these days. I make some effort but there's no way to really make it a priority, much as I'd like to.

 

 

Let me live in my fantasy land, dammit.

 

I like you guys though. You remind me why I don't have kids, a mortgage or a car payment.

Fair enough...

 

 

I am getting married in October though, so maybe my days of blissful ignorance are numbered.

I didn't know that. Congrats dude!

 

...Oh, and I'm already looking forward to your GA selloff to finance the wedding.

 

 

I have multiple insane OO collection that I am saving for C2E2, $150-200k in super high grade slabs that will all be put on the market. Some killer, killer stuff, most (if not all) priced below GPA. It's going to be fun. Whatever doesn't sell at the show will go up on the boards.

 

I'll have an announcement thread once I get everything together.

 

Stop whoring your wares in this thread. Bastiche. Only kidding. I know this collection Andy has, and it's killer. Very nice stuff.

 

I am not as skilled as you at promoting.

 

Then again, nobody is!

[Logan510]

Once I got married ( all my friends were not married ) my social life was pretty much null and void. I've also found as I've gotten older that I've become less interested in making new friends as most people I meet do not have the same interests that I do. The few new friends I've made in the last few years have been on these boards

[DeliBebek]

Let me offer a little hope

 

I may be wrong, but it seems that most of the guys in this crowd are in those "middle family" years where time pressure is at its highest. I just turned 53.... our 4 kids are grown and moved out so my wife and I have much more time to pursue our hobbys. And thats where the meeting new people part comes in.

 

You definitely mellow out about this sort of thing as the years go by. At a certain age, the idea of "man card" doesn't even make sense. You appreciate people better for who they are rather than what they drive, what they wear or how many registry points they have.

[conditionfreak]

My whole life, I have just naturally made friends with many more females than males. It was not always a sex thing. I do not know why for sure, but that is the way it is. I just get along with females better than I do with males.

 

With one exception. My best friend. Him and I are like twin brothers, separated at birth. But other than him, I really do not have any close male friends. Lots of poker buddies though. But without the poker, I would not hang around with them at all. Even my poker "clan" has more females than males.

 

I have recognized this "friends with females" thing for many years, without knowing why.

 

Maybe it is truly as simple as I am naturally attracted to them more than I am to males.

 

But after self analyzing it years ago. I decided it was because (get ready to laugh), other males were always so competitive, that they were constantly trying to best me in things. Basketball, arm wrestling, football or whatever. Few did and it got in the way of "us" being friends. With the additional situation that I did not partake in vices like smoking, drinking or drugs. Nor did I go to bars or the like. I also do not care much for major league sports. I could care less about the Superbowl or World Series.

 

I guess I am just a lesbian trapped inside a male body.

 

I don't remember who it was that said it, but a famous person once said that if you have just one good friend in your entire life. Your life was successful. I really only have one. Always been that way.

 

My wife is an exception. "We" have been best friends since the summer of 1963. Today is our 39th wedding anniversary.

 

Guess what my anniversary present to her was today?

 

A Jamocha shake from Arby's. I know how to treat a women right!

[Wally's Comics]

I am involved with charitable organizations as well as team sports, so I would say the opposite is true in my case. I have made more male friends in the last 10 years compared tot he first 38.

 

+1

 

I have more now because I am more involved in charities, political and social events.

 

On the other hand, even though I have a good bit of associates - I only have a few real friends.

 

It's an old southern saying that "if you can count you real friends on one hand you are doing

pretty well"

 

 

 

[burntboy]

Interesting stories and perspectives being shared...

 

On my 2d marriage, now and just had my daughter graduate FIT in NYC. I'm older than most of you but have been able to maintain numerous friendships over the years primarily because of Softball

 

We played together for 22 years in a Company league and as you'd expect maybe 60-80 guys passed through after college and starting their careers.

 

Go to Maine/Mass/Conn every year for 4 rounds of golf with 7 friends.

 

Go to a different Baseball Stadium every year with 5 different friends.

 

I've thrown an NCAA Final Four Party every year for 30+ years for roughly the same 20 guys (incorporating the 12 guys above).

 

We get together 3x's/year to visit an old highschool pizza parlor hangout and about 4x's/year to grab lunch at another old work hangout.

 

I run local PA Pubcrawls every 6 months for these guys.

 

WE are VERY Traditional and that has held us together all these years. Not a single comic collector in the bunch...

[AnastasiasCollect]

Since there are mostly guys on this forum, i thought I'd throw this question out there...

 

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that I make fewer and fewer new male friends. I've been friends with a core group of four guys since middle school and we've maintained relative closeness for the past 25 years or so, with varying degrees depending on geography or what's going, and they will probably always be my best friends. However, it occurred to me the other day that you sort of stop -- in some cases having time -- to just go and hang out. For instance, I've met some good friends through comics that I talk to on a semi routine basis, but many I only see when I'm on the show "circuit".

 

I think a big part of it is, I don't call up any guy friends any more and say, hey, let's go to the movies or go shoot hoops or whatever. I'm sure that's a function of getting married etc., but my wife (and other female friends I have that are married) seem to have no problem a) hanging out and b) seemingly finding new friends.

 

Of course, there's a distinct possibility that I'm just a social person_having_a_hard_time_understanding_my_point, however, I was talking about this with some male co workers and we've all had a similar experience.

 

So aside from comics, have a lot of you stopped making many new "guy" friends?

 

I wish I was this lucky. My wife is a social butterfly and her girlfriends always seem to be dating someone new. And since I drag her to the cons she drags me out to hang out and meet new people. I've made alot of new friends because of it but more often then not, I'd rather just hang out in my man cave with my core group of friends(the lifers) or by myself.

[Logan510]

My wife is the exact opposite and sometimes I wish she was a little more the social butterfly.

[Whizzer]

This thread is a revelation! I'm amazed at how common this experience is. The pace of life these days is insane and everybody is busy all the time. It's the 21st Century disease.

 

I'm 42, happily married with 2 great kids and my own business. I have maybe 5 real friends who I don't see nearly enough of. The cool thing is though, that if we don't see each other for a couple of months at a time it doesn't seem to matter, we just take up where we left off and usually have a great time.

 

Quality over quantity here I think, i'd rather have 5 best buds who I know are there for me than huge groups of people who I just socialize with.

 

And anyway, I have you nerds to talk to now

 

 

[Senormac]

Let me offer a little hope

 

I may be wrong, but it seems that most of the guys in this crowd are in those "middle family" years where time pressure is at its highest. I just turned 53.... our 4 kids are grown and moved out so my wife and I have much more time to pursue our hobbys. And thats where the meeting new people part comes in.

 

There are people all over this world doing stuff..... fun stuff ...... interesting stuff.

 

Best place to start IMO..... eating, and or drinking beer

Why ? Its called talking.

Everybody has to eat... so just find somebody in your town who is involved in comics and begin talking to them. People on the forums.... people at the LCS.... then invite them to go eat or drink at your fav place. A friendship will be born. It might be in its infancy..... but hey, you gotta start somewhere.

 

And..... byw.... don't take your wives or gf's. You'll be ok

 

 

dude, I don't want to hang out with comic book people......uh, oh, nevermind

 

A few years back after reading a new book called The Shack, three church buds and I went on a 3 day trip to find it..... since it took place over in the northeastern corner of Oregon. It was really just an excuse to hang out together for a few days.... talk about guy stuff .... and try different micro breweries. We had a great time. Discussed deep topics like, "What is time" and "How does popularity affect brain growth", plus all the regular conversation topics like sex, money and the future. If we knew someone in the areas we were traveling we would hit them up ( in advance) to crash at their place for the night... or stay in a hotel. We split whatever travel costs came up. It was a blast.

 

We never did find "the shack" but we saw Hells Canyon, Joseph Oregon, Columbia River Gorge, Bonneville Dam, and any number of un-scheduled interesting places and events. Plus we sampled quite a few beers, fresh from the brewery. And going to a micro brewery is like going to The Prancing Pony in Bree and having one of Barlimans ales. Theres no comparrison between buying stuff in the bottle at a market to drinking it fresh at the source. No comparrison.

 

We've done 3 trips like that now.

 

 

[lizards2]

Since having kids, its been so busy that friends kind of slipped off the radar. I have a few friends that I see sparingly, and it is always involving some kids sporting event, so it's rarely single purpose.

 

When I first read this, I thought, I have no friends. But that isn't true. I have many acquaintances from work, elks and the wrestling circuit, but there are a few true friends there too. The socializing all occurs within that circuit. I do share pms and life experiences with a few here on the board as well.

[Drummy]

As someone who has meet Brian for one of his out-of-town dinners, I feel I should respond!

 

I echo many of the sentiments here -- I have layers of friends from my different experiences (a few from high school, more from college, others from my first main job, a few from my second, etc.). Seeing everyone regularly just doesn't happen, however -- too much going on at home with my wife's job, our daughter who is 9, and renting our home out while we're living in a house on my wife's campus.

 

That said, I see friends through my activities. Although I don't drink much, I run a roleplaying game that meets once every 3 weeks with four guys whom I consider friends. We also have 5-6 "couples friends" with their families whom we see fairly regularly. And my friends from my time in Milwaukee organize one weekend a year to gather and talk, play bridge, and go to a baseball game each summer.

 

But going out regularly with another guy or two to hang out? Only with my good friend Michael (comicartfan), and even that contact is not enough.

 

Happily, we have comic cons, these boards, and our larger collecting family to fill in the gaps during the strange hours when we can't go out and party but can stay home and type.

 

Dan

[Jeffreykli]

Very interesting. I will say that I'm just now starting to make more guy friends than I have over the last 5 years. I started a new job about 7 months ago, so there are definitely some work friends that can extend beyond the office. Also, my daughter started pre-school, so now there's new social opportunities to meet other parents.

 

I think the basic places to make friends are: school, work, child's school. (and don't forget the CGC forum).