The umpire is calling strikes..................

[ttfitz]

and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

 

That's my favorite.

 

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.

 

Those guys freak me out.

 

[MrBedrock]

I guess this could have been his bio. The mythical "how to describe yourself as a person college essay". I've always thought it was wonderful.

 

 

 

 

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

 

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

 

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

 

I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

 

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

 

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby , and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

 

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

Steve Borock?

[Gotham Kid]

I have spoken with Elvis.

 

 

[Dr. Balls]

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing

 

Number One?

[ChrisInBaltimore]

I guess this could have been his bio. The mythical "how to describe yourself as a person college essay". I've always thought it was wonderful.

 

 

 

 

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

 

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

 

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

 

I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

 

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

 

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby , and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

 

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

Steve Borock?

 

[Buzzetta]

I guess this could have been his bio. The mythical "how to describe yourself as a person college essay". I've always thought it was wonderful.

 

 

 

 

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

 

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

 

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

 

I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

 

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

 

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby , and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

 

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

 

You had me until 'scouted by the Mets'... Nobody would want to admit that.

[Prince Namor]

dgarthwaite - permanent ban

By user request.

 

 

 

 

[skypinkblu]

It was written in 1990, they won the series in 1986...

From Wikipedia

 

The New York Mets' 1989 season was the 28th regular season for the Mets. They went 87-75 and finished 2nd in the NL East. They were managed by Davey Johnson. They played home games at Shea Stadium.

 

 

[ChrisInBaltimore]

I guess this could have been his bio. The mythical "how to describe yourself as a person college essay". I've always thought it was wonderful.

 

 

 

 

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

 

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

 

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

 

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

 

I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

 

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

 

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby , and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

 

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

 

You had me until 'scouted by the Mets'... Nobody would want to admit that.

 

I can't figure out how I can make a joke about the Yankees being 8 games back here...

[awakeintheashes]

Has this been shared yet? A thread was just bumped and reminded me of his awesomeness.

I'm disillusioned with mediocrity. My compliments carry weight. If I leave a restaurant and compliment the food, even people who don't like me pay attention and consider giving it a try. At my favorite restaurant, there might be a 1hr long waiting list and the employees will bump me ahead to the front of the list without a reservation.

People smile when I walk in a room if they know me.

 

When I hung out a one local comic shop, a woman confessed that she drove 30 miles and passed two stores to shop there because she loved it when me and my friends were there conversing. Bitter? or just honest?

DG

[Logan510]

Has this been shared yet? A thread was just bumped and reminded me of his awesomeness.

I'm disillusioned with mediocrity. My compliments carry weight. If I leave a restaurant and compliment the food, even people who don't like me pay attention and consider giving it a try. At my favorite restaurant, there might be a 1hr long waiting list and the employees will bump me ahead to the front of the list without a reservation.

People smile when I walk in a room if they know me.

 

When I hung out a one local comic shop, a woman confessed that she drove 30 miles and passed two stores to shop there because she loved it when me and my friends were there conversing. Bitter? or just honest?

DG

 

Wow

[Ditch Fahrenheit]

Has this been shared yet? A thread was just bumped and reminded me of his awesomeness.

I'm disillusioned with mediocrity. My compliments carry weight. If I leave a restaurant and compliment the food, even people who don't like me pay attention and consider giving it a try. At my favorite restaurant, there might be a 1hr long waiting list and the employees will bump me ahead to the front of the list without a reservation.

People smile when I walk in a room if they know me.

 

When I hung out a one local comic shop, a woman confessed that she drove 30 miles and passed two stores to shop there because she loved it when me and my friends were there conversing. Bitter? or just honest?

DG

 

Wow

[wombat]

I'm new so I didn't know that guy. But made me think of this:

 

 

 

[Comicopolis]

Has this been shared yet? A thread was just bumped and reminded me of his awesomeness.

I'm disillusioned with mediocrity. My compliments carry weight. If I leave a restaurant and compliment the food, even people who don't like me pay attention and consider giving it a try. At my favorite restaurant, there might be a 1hr long waiting list and the employees will bump me ahead to the front of the list without a reservation.

People smile when I walk in a room if they know me.

 

When I hung out a one local comic shop, a woman confessed that she drove 30 miles and passed two stores to shop there because she loved it when me and my friends were there conversing. Bitter? or just honest?

DG

 

That's awesome.

[HarveySwick]

Has this been shared yet? A thread was just bumped and reminded me of his awesomeness.

I'm disillusioned with mediocrity. My compliments carry weight. If I leave a restaurant and compliment the food, even people who don't like me pay attention and consider giving it a try. At my favorite restaurant, there might be a 1hr long waiting list and the employees will bump me ahead to the front of the list without a reservation.

People smile when I walk in a room if they know me.

 

When I hung out a one local comic shop, a woman confessed that she drove 30 miles and passed two stores to shop there because she loved it when me and my friends were there conversing. Bitter? or just honest?

DG

 

That's awesome.

[ChrisInBaltimore]

The incredible thing is how many posts like that exist.

 

One of my favorite threads was when we all spoofed him. I'm amazed he didn't ban himself then.

[21Pittsburgh58]

Spec-freakin'-tacular!!! It's his world, we're all just paying rent

[comix4fun]

The incredible thing is how many posts like that exist.

 

One of my favorite threads was when we all spoofed him. I'm amazed he didn't ban himself then.

 

 

He probably assumed it was like those old Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.

 

I mean, you've really got to BE SOMEBODY in order to get a whole thread spoofing you.

 

The only other way is to have someone post an animated gif of you dribbling a basketball off of your foot.

[seanfingh]

 

Oh Snap!

[awakeintheashes]

The incredible thing is how many posts like that exist.

 

One of my favorite threads was when we all spoofed him. I'm amazed he didn't ban himself then.

 

 

He probably assumed it as like those old Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.

 

I mean, you've really got to BE SOMEBODY in order to get a whole thread spoofing you.

 

The only other way is to have someone post an animated gif of you dribbling a basketball off of your foot.