Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[Darthdiesel]

Aman, I make no excuses. I read an old comic, saw the Hostess ad, and thus were the next group of names on the list doomed. On the bright side, I'm sure the Hostess Hoard will get along well with Flying Donut.

 

Where's my custom title?

 

-- Joanna

 

Lascivious ho-cake!

[Darthdiesel]

"They have their uses, but I need a small, quickly rotating, heat-producing planet on my staff, and your resume is quite impressive

 

 

Uh...huhhuh...huh

[Elvis]

Elvis staggers out, his fingers and toes webbed. "That is not pleasant." He notices his webbed fingers. "Oh nertz. Looks like I've got some kind of aquaguy powers. Those are never useful. Especially in flight-based battles."

 

"Step aside, Damp Dude, we've got other fish to fry."

 

"And the fish jokes begin. Wonderful."

 

 

 

Joanna:

 

That was hilarious!!! My favorite is "Looks like I've got some kind of aquaguy powers. Those are never useful. " You are a classic! Thanks for the write in!

[chromium]

Hey....this is a setup. I'm going bald in EVERY universe I live in

[Joanna]

First, a huge thanks to everyone who's been giving me feedback on the story. It keeps me going. And now, on to part 2 of Issue 9...

 

Issue 9, Part 2: What Color Hat do You Wear?

 

When the seconds tick away to a minute and a half, Sgt. Rocky turns off the reactor and opens the door. The stench of evil wafts out. "Uh oh. Something has gone terribly wrong!"

 

"Sorry! That was me," admits Lantern, fanning the air behind his posterior. He emerges from the reactor. "I sure hope that's not my power." He does some tests and realizes he can shoot laser beams from his knees when he squats.

 

"Cool power, lame delivery," says Go Go.

 

"Step aside, Squatter, there are several men still in there."

 

The next one out is Big Man. He is about an inch tall. "This sucks!" he squeaks. No one hears him.

 

He is nearly trampled by kevthemev. "Do I look different? Do I have any powers?" asks kev.

 

"Experiment a little," says Rocky.

 

Kev concentrates, trying to access one of the standard superpowers, but nothing happens. He tries again, opening his mind to any possibility. A piece of paper floats up and makes itself into a paper airplane.

 

"Oh, man, talk about lame!" laughs Go Go.

 

"Ooh, a scary paper airplane! Everyone duck!" says Damp Dude.

 

The airplane lands on Magic Tape, sticking to him. "Sigh. This is going to happen a lot, isn't it?"

 

"Go help Magic, Origami."

 

"Origami? Stupid name, lame power, damned radiation..." he mumbles.

 

"Anyone want to give me a name?" asks Big Man. No one hears him.

 

Next out is Blazingbob. He is on fire.

 

"Quick! Damp Dude -- do something!"

 

"What do you want me to do? Swim at him??"

 

"Can't you make water appear or something?"

 

"No! I told you -- Aquaguy powers are never useful!"

 

"Chill out, guys. I'm fine," says the blazing one. "Just call me Pyro!"

 

"Make way for Fission!" says Rob React, pulsing with the power of nuclear energy.

 

"Just a darn minute here!" says Origami. "Bob gets to be Pyro and Rob gets to be Fission and both have way cool totally powerful powers? Yet I'm fricking Origami and can make paper do stupid things? Where's the justice?"

 

"You think you've got problems? What about me!" shouts Big Man. No one hears him.

 

"What's all the complaining about?" asks Werner Von Doom. He emerges wearing a white lab coat and thick, black-rimmed glasses.

 

"What are you supposed to be?" asks Rocky.

 

"Judging by the pocket protector and a mind full of mathematical equations, I'd say I’m a genius scientist. And my name shall be--"

 

"Larry Von Dork!" shouts Origami, making sure someone has a lamer name than he has.

 

"You'll pay for that, Origami," says Larry.

 

With a mighty roar, an oversized gecko exits the reactor. Licking his oversized eyes, he says, "Do I look any different? I don't feel any different."

 

"I hypothesize that you are an oversized gecko," postulates Larry Von Dork.

 

"I'm hungry. Who wants to be my dinner?" asks comicwiz.

 

"A killer lizard -- wait, wait, I got it! How about Kizard!" says Origami.

 

"It needs to be more comic-booky. Ki-Zar. How's that? Better?" Everyone agrees and Sgt. Rocky motions Ki-Zar into a meatless corner of the room. "Don't ruin your dinner snacking on anyone here, Ki-Zar."

 

"Okay," he mumbles.

 

Suddenly, everyone starts feeling really bad about themselves. They hate their new names, can't stand their powers, and no longer care about saving the world. In the midst of this cloud of depression, emerges Murph.

 

"You can call me Negative Lad. Don't expect to feel good until I leave."

 

"Is that everyone? Oh, who cares..." mumbles Sgt. Rocky, no longer filled with pride over his giant muscles.

 

"Where's Big Man?" asks Ape, ashamed of his simian moniker.

 

"Down here! Not that it matters..." says Big Man. A laser beam shoots over his head as Squatter squats down to lift him up.

 

"Sorry, Runt."

 

"Runt? Now I feel so much better about being an inch tall."

 

"Okay, quiet everyone. Negative Man, turn off the juice."

 

Negative Man stops radiating low self-esteem rays and the roomful of heroes brightens immediately. "It's like Prozac without the sexual disfunction!" says Chrome Dome.

 

Suddenly, Dena-Myte and Gemma-Mint shimmer into their midst. "We're low on villains, so we've decided to take some of you and form The Bad Brigade. The rest of you can remain good guys and be The Hero Squadron. That way we can have a really good ruckus before we destroy the universe.

 

"No way," says Sgt. Rocky, his muscles rippling threateningly.

 

"You can have Negative Man, Origami and Runt!" offers Go Go.

 

Dena-Myte immediately chains the 3 men in a show of dominance and bondage. While the men go weak at the knees at the sexual imagery, Gemma-Mint grabs Fission, Pyro and Larry Von Dork. "We're not just taking the lame ones."

 

Dena-Myte corrals Squatter and Ki-Zar. "What none of you understand is that by baking this batch for only a minute and a half, you have turned them into villains. In less time than it takes for Dominos to deliver a pizza, all of these men will be 100% evil. You have sealed your own doom, fools!"

 

With a press of a button on her belt, Dena-Myte transports herself, Gemma-Mint and the 8 members of The Bad Brigade out of the room.

 

"Okay, one side effect. Still, it's not a total loss. We're The Hero Squadron, and we're ready to save the universe!"

 

"I miss Ki-Zar," mumbles Damp Dude.

 

"He wanted to drown you in Russian dressing and eat you on rye. Get over it. We're on our own now."

 

With a lifting of their chins, The Hero Squadron slowly exit the reactor room. "I hate evil. Those guys are dead meat," says Go Go. With a murmur of agreement, the new team of do-gooders prepares to battle the men they'd once considered friends.

 

 

[Joanna]

To add to the playlist:

 

The Hero Squadron

 

Sgt. Rocky (Awe4one) Super strength

Damp Dude (Elvis) Aqua powers

Magic Tape (Scottish) stickiness

Go Go (Speedjunkies) Superspeed

Zilla (Zillatoy) Ninja dinosaur

Ape (CD4ever) Shape shifter

Chrome Dome (Chromium) power over metal

Toast (DanDrista) deceased

 

 

The Bad Brigade

 

Negative Lad (Murpho) can affect self-esteem

Larry Von Dork (Werner Von Doom) evil scientist

Fission (Rob_React) Atomic powers

Pyro (Blazingbob) Pyro powers

Ki-Zar (Comicwiz) Killer lizard

Origami (Kevthemev) power over paper

Runt (BigMan) An inch tall

Squatter (Lantern) knee laser beams

 

[Joanna]

Just bumping it to keep it on page one. Don't feel like writing tonight.

[OldGuy]

bumpity

[BigMan]

I love it Joanna "Runt" I am a inch tall imagine all the things I can now get away with and be inconspicuous about. I can actually sneak around for once in my life and not be noticied....how fantastic it would be....

[Joanna]

In case anyone was wondering, Crisis is on a brief hiatus while I work on meeting the deadlines on a couple of writing projects. When the projects are complete, I'll finish the story. After all, Big Man has to find out what it's like to be an inch tall.

 

-- Joanna

[BachelorOfComix]

After all, Big Man has to find out what it's like to be an inch tall.

 

-- Joanna

Well he's halfway there 'cause he already has a 1 inch.........

[Joanna]

After all, Big Man has to find out what it's like to be an inch tall.

 

-- Joanna

Well he's halfway there 'cause he already has a 1 inch.........

 

...advantage over you?

[BachelorOfComix]

[greggy]

[Illiterati-migration]

 

I actually picture you looking like that, Greggy.

[BachelorOfComix]

Will you stop trolling me please?

[greggy]

 

I actually picture you looking like that, Greggy.

 

When my Showcase 79 gets a 9.2 only?

[Illiterati-migration]

 

I actually picture you looking like that, Greggy.

 

When my Showcase 79 gets a 9.2 only?

 

Then grade it, sucka! Let's see what you've got!

[greggy]

 

I actually picture you looking like that, Greggy.

 

When my Showcase 79 gets a 9.2 only?

 

Then grade it, sucka! Let's see what you've got!

 

Still will grade higher than your crappy copies!

[Illiterati-migration]

 

I actually picture you looking like that, Greggy.

 

When my Showcase 79 gets a 9.2 only?

 

Then grade it, sucka! Let's see what you've got!

 

Still will grade higher than your crappy copies!

 

You live in fear of my crappy copies!