OT - Seperated from my wife and I need some venting!

[1Cool]

Well, its finally official. After years of fights and "compromises", I couldn't take living with a mother at best and a enemy at worse. As of Friday, I'm out of the house and things are moving along. I wanted to list a couple things that were red flags:

 

1. I enjoyed reading comics more than spending time with her. Way more!

2. Worked extra hours at work since it meant less time with her.

3. Wished Santa went after her rather than Grandma.

4. She called me Dad and Son one night in bed. Does that guy get around or what?

 

I'm pretty broken up about it all since it was a ten year marriage and we have a 5 year old daughter but it will all work out for the best. And thanks for letting me vent/joke a little on the boards.

[Rich_Henn]

Wow, dude...I am really really sorry to hear that!

 

My marriage is 13 years this October coming, and we have a 5 1/2 yr. old and 6 month old.

 

My obvious 1st question is...how in the HELL did she end up calling you Dad and Son (what kind of freudian slip is that)...

 

When did you start to realize this wasn't working?

[BlowUpTheMoon]

...how in the HELL did she end up calling you Dad and Son (what kind of freudian slip is that)...

 

 

[1Cool]

I'm sorry it would have been a better joke if i actually knew his name but it was an attempt at a joke. Laughing helps I hear:)

 

I knew it was not good when i travelled for work and had a way better time away from her compared to being with her. When Christmas as terrible (one of our typical good times), I knew I couldn't take much more.

[VintageComics]

Separation is a difficult thing. I split up with my wife of 13 years in May of 2004. It's almost 5 years. Different people take it different ways but I know how much it hurts my childred that we separated....even though I am 100% sure that the quality of life that they experience now is unmatched.

 

The amount of strife in the household over the entire 13 year marriage was almost unbearable...just too different as people to be able to get along. I too found myself immersing myself in sports and comics to find release. Sad thing.

 

I guess my advice to you would be that you make sure every decision you make is the best that you can do so that you can't go back and kick yourself later. The mind has a strange way of double thinking everything.

 

The best thing you can do is ensure that your daughter is insulated from the emotions between your ex and you and that she gets lots of love.

 

I would rather not have separated but that was not an option. Sometimes (and others feel free to chime in) it feels like you never really move on...and maybe this is because we have children between us making it more complex.

 

I now have a girlfriend (who posts on these boards) that is beautiful, supportive of every decision I make and caring tothe nth degree. I do my best to make sure that my children understand that they are loved and move on.

 

I'm in a happy place now.

 

(thumbs u

 

Oh, one more thing. Two lives are much more expensive than one.

 

[He11blazer]

I sometimes fantasize about all the hard drinking, video gaming, comic buying and general slobbing around I'd do if I were suddenly single....

 

...but then I remind myself that the grass is always greener and I love my little family

 

Enjoy the freedom. Hope things work out as smoothly as possible for you

 

 

[1Cool]

Thanks for the advice. I also knew it was down to the wire when my daughter asked why "you and mommy are always fighting". If she sees that, its definetely better that I get out. I tried for 7 months to make things work and now it's on the next steps.

[The Question?]

 

 

Sorry to read this dude, life is tough, relationships are tougher. Without a mature understanding of sacrifice, and communication, a marriage is doomed.

 

I hope things do indeed work out for the best, and that your life going forward finds the companionship we all desire.

 

 

 

this reminds me of a good marriage quote:

 

"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults"

 

 

[1Cool]

It is more expensive and I'm sure I will give up at least 50% of my income for a while but since she ran the checkbook and nagged me whenever I didn't spend "paypal comic money" on things - then 50% is better than nothing. At least I am in control of things for the first time in 10 years.

[joe_collector]

Sorry to hear that, and I hope you and your wife can keep the best interests of your child at the forefront.

 

My little gal was really sad one day and I asked her why.

 

She told me, "because I'm worried that you and Mommy will get a divorce."

 

I was very surprised and asked why.

 

"Because everyone else is."

 

[1Cool]

I have to admit that 11 out of 12 married couples are either miserable or on the road to divorce. Its probably the toughest thing to do in life is to fall in love and keep that love going over 15 years. People change and the hurt feelings just keep piling up.

 

Thanks for the helpfull words in the PM's!

[DiceX]

Divorce - The gift that keeps on giving.

 

 

[the blob]

I'm sorry to hear that. Me and the Mrs. have been together for 8 1/2 years...married for almost 5, with a 3+ year old. We have our share of blowout arguments and rarely go a day without some sort of yelling, but then again, we both came from homes where that was the norm and our respective parents stayed married for many decades until our respective fathers died and just work under the assumption that fighting is par for the course (interestingly both died in somewhat similar ways...ways that I would imagine probably weren't made any better by screaming wives, but I digress). I'd like to think that most of our fighting is a result of money (lack thereof). Then again, that's probably what most couples fight over. If I made another $100K a year she's probably be irritated I wasn't making $100K more. It never ends I suppose.

[Ogami]

depending on the current state of my marriage on any given day, this would be a different reply.

 

There are days that I am convinced that Dave Sim is entirely correct and that women, as a race, are loony broads with no sense of reason, and manipulative epithets to boot.

 

There are days that I am convinced that they are taken from men's sides in order to be partners for life. Equal yet different, a compliment to man, and that apart from them, we are frail, fragile and small. That two really do become one.

 

My heads in a pretty good place right now, so I'd like to tell this little joke. It's not funny, but it is true.

 

A guy walks into a pyschologist's office and tells him that his wife is the biggest person_without_enough_empathy to walk the planet. That she's unbearable. She yells all the time, she fights, she undermines him, she's angry, never compliments hims, tears him down, doesn't support his dreams, in short, is a devil on earth. The doc. tells the guy to go home and do the following for a month, and then come back to see him at the end of the month. Love her, praise her, encourage her, do things for her, shower her with attention, spend time with her, touch her, ignore her faults. The guy says there's no way it'll work, but he'll do it.

 

He comes back in a month and tells the doctor, "You'll never believe what happened. My wife is a new person."

 

 

I don't know you Engineer, and I wish you all the best. If you can safely say that you put as much effort into this marriage and didn't get good returns, then I'd say run, don't walk away as far and as fast as you can.

 

If however, you're like most men, me included, there's probably a fair bit more that you could do.

 

Good luck, brother. Stay strong.

[He11blazer]

Love her, praise her, encourage her, do things for her, shower her with attention, spend time with her, touch her, ignore her faults.

 

I'm not Superman you know!

 

But seriously, pretty good advice (thumbs u

[1Cool]

She doesn't want to be touched. Doesn't know how she feels and is just content to run the house and live a safe and happy life with no affection. I'm not into living that way and need a partner/lover in my life to make a marriage worth while. We started out that way but I guess things change over 10 years.

[hockey&comicsguy]

Thanks for the advice. I also knew it was down to the wire when my daughter asked why "you and mommy are always fighting". If she sees that, its definetely better that I get out. I tried for 7 months to make things work and now it's on the next steps.

 

I feel for you man. My girls are 6 and 3 and we're going on almost 10 years of marriage. Since we had kids life got real hard. My wife is prone to being irritable and is just not a happy go lucky kind of gal. After a big spat a few months ago I just decided to take matters into my own hands. Whereas in the past, if I felt like I was being "wronged" or that she was out of line I would let her know, and I wouldn't be so nice about it and that just always ended up making things worse. So I decided that I would just flat out stop arguing with her. I'll let her bltch and moan all she wants, I give her space if she's in a foul mood and I pretty much stay content with the knowledge that when she's not being cool, that its okay for me to think to myself that she's being a total person_without_enough_empathy! But it doesn't do anybody any good to tell her she's being a total person_without_enough_empathy!.

 

And after years of strife, ups and downs and never knowing when I get home if she'll be ina foul mood, i've found a way to just let her be herself and not add to her problems. Sure, sometimes it means I have to bite my tongue. But you know what, I'd rather bite my tongue and let her vent or whatever rather than blow up myself and create a situation that's bad for our marriage and that the kids have to see and/or hear.

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Anybody who is married knows how hard it can be. It's an always evolving process.

[Ogami]

She doesn't want to be touched. Doesn't know how she feels and is just connect to run the house and live a safe and heppy life with no affection. I'm not into living that way and need a partner/lover in my life to make a marriage worth while. We started out that way but I guess things change over 10 years.

 

no judgement here, bro. You know your situation far better than I.

 

again, I wish for you all happiness.

 

I'm celebrating 14 years this September, and I can only tell you two things.

 

1. There are many days that I tell her I'd like to leave and run far far away.

2. I've told her a thousand times, that if I divorced her on a Monday, I'd be at her door Tuesday morning.

[1Cool]

My parents stayed together for 25 years for the kids and they divorced soon after my brother left the house. Her folks are living a miserable life of him in the basement/travelling and her upstairs doing her stuff. I'm not going to do that and it was heading that directions. I'm not going to vent by pointing fingers since I'm sure I am at least 40% to blame but its good to get stuff off the chest.

[1Cool]

She doesn't want to be touched. Doesn't know how she feels and is just connect to run the house and live a safe and heppy life with no affection. I'm not into living that way and need a partner/lover in my life to make a marriage worth while. We started out that way but I guess things change over 10 years.

 

no judgement here, bro. You know your situation far better than I.

 

again, I wish for you all happiness.

 

I'm celebrating 14 years this September, and I can only tell you two things.

 

1. There are many days that I tell her I'd like to leave and run far far away.

2. I've told her a thousand times, that if I divorced her on a Monday, I'd be at her door Tuesday morning.

 

I've been gone for 5 days and feel happier each day to be gone. I miss my kid to death but don't miss her a bit.