Fantastic Four from Fox Studios (8/7/15) 1 1

[Beige]

In the Herald Sun in Melbourne - equally as awesome reviews!

 

"But these characters are so glum and charmless, only their misery at being turned into freaks impresses us, and not for long"

 

"Performances are lacklustre. Dumb, cringeworthy rubbish"

 

"Worst film of the year"

 

1 star.

Reviewer Nick Dent, print director, Time Out Australia, via the Sunday Herald Sun.

 

 

I doubt there will be long lines at local cinemas then - Australia won't be contributing too much to the FF's income after that mauling!

[WernerVonDoom]

Was that a review, or a synopsis...?

 

 

You're right. It ended up being a synopsis. There was too much painful material to document.

[NewWorldOrder]

[Aces]

 

Btw...the (cosplay) Doom pictured is an action figure. But still...

 

 

 

I swear if some cos-player dressed-up like that doom from the movie I wouldn't who the heck he was trying to be.

 

[Aces]

Here is my full spoiler review

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

 

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

 

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

 

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

 

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

 

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

 

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

 

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

 

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his Dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

 

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again.

 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

 

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

 

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

 

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

 

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reeds help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

 

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

 

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

 

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

 

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

 

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

 

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

 

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

 

Zero Stars

Oh... My... God...

Oh my God x 2

Reed really abandons them for a whole year and just feels sorry for himself?

 

[Mr 9.8]

Here is my full spoiler review

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

 

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

 

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

 

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

 

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

 

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

 

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

 

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

 

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his Dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

 

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again.

 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

 

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

 

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

 

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

 

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reeds help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

 

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

 

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

 

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

 

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

 

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

 

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

 

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

 

Zero Stars

Oh... My... God...

Oh my God x 2

Reed really abandons them for a whole year and just feels sorry for himself?

Can someone explain to me how that works? I mean how did he survive? Did he have a job, forage for food in the wild? Was that ever addressed.

[MetalPSI]

He collected cans and lived in a shopping cart

[WernerVonDoom]

Here is my full spoiler review

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

 

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

 

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

 

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

 

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

 

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

 

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

 

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

 

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his Dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

 

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again.

 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

 

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

 

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

 

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

 

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reeds help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

 

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

 

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

 

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

 

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

 

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

 

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

 

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

 

Zero Stars

Oh... My... God...

Oh my God x 2

Reed really abandons them for a whole year and just feels sorry for himself?

Can someone explain to me how that works? I mean how did he survive? Did he have a job, forage for food in the wild? Was that ever addressed.

It looked like he was hiding out in a shack in Mexico.

[Prince Namor]

Here is my full spoiler review

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

 

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

 

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

 

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

 

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

 

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

 

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

 

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

 

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his Dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

 

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again.

 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

 

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

 

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

 

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

 

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reeds help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

 

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

 

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

 

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

 

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

 

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

 

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

 

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

 

Zero Stars

Oh... My... God...

Oh my God x 2

Reed really abandons them for a whole year and just feels sorry for himself?

Can someone explain to me how that works? I mean how did he survive? Did he have a job, forage for food in the wild? Was that ever addressed.

From what I understand, he really knows how to stretch a dollar.

[MetalPSI]

Here is my full spoiler review

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

 

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

 

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

 

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

 

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

 

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

 

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

 

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

 

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his Dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

 

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again.

 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

 

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

 

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

 

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

 

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reeds help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

 

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

 

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

 

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

 

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

 

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

 

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

 

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

 

Zero Stars

Oh... My... God...

Oh my God x 2

Reed really abandons them for a whole year and just feels sorry for himself?

Can someone explain to me how that works? I mean how did he survive? Did he have a job, forage for food in the wild? Was that ever addressed.

From what I understand, he really knows how to stretch a dollar.

[BrianR]

Okay The move sucked but lets get the storyline right.

 

 

 

Reed did disappear for a year, but he was building another machine presumably to cure himself and Ben as suggested in the movie.

 

Doom's skin was actually his containment suit fused to him not metal.

 

Doom came back as he clearly stated in the movie to stop people from "messing up" his new home as he felt they did to earth. the only way to do this was to destroy earth.

 

 

[Mr 9.8]

Sorry to say it, but I also called this too earlier.

 

Fantastic Four fails at box office, Fox still committed to series

 

"While we're disappointed, we remain committed to these characters and we have a lot to look forward to in our Marvel universe," said Fox domestic distribution chief Chris Aronson, declining to comment specifically on Fantastic Four 2.

 

There's been speculation that Fox could incorporate the Fantastic Four characters into the X-Men series. Fox is also in the midst of launching two new superhero franchises based on Marvel characters; Deadpool and Gambit.

 

http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/fantastic-four/36503/fantastic-four-fails-at-box-office-fox-still-committed-to-series

[Amadeus Arkham]

[Bosco685]

[kimik]

The funny thing to me is that people expected this movie to do well. Look at the first two FF movies - they were mediocre, but passable due to the cast and appearance of the characters. All you had to do was look at the casting choices and the first few images of the characters in costume to see that this was going to be a pile of massive suckage........

Edited August 10, 2015 by kimik

[Thawk]

I saw it - it was as terrible as the reviewers say (this coming from a guy who thought Superman Returns and Green Lantern were at least enjoyable). Plot doesn't hold together, and it's actually a very boring film once you get past the first 30 minutes.

 

The best part was seeing the deadpool trailer before the movie started (and I'm not even a deadpool fan).

Edited August 10, 2015 by Thawk

[Prince Namor]

Sorry to say it, but I also called this too earlier.

 

Fantastic Four fails at box office, Fox still committed to series

 

"While we're disappointed, we remain committed to these characters and we have a lot to look forward to in our Marvel universe," said Fox domestic distribution chief Chris Aronson, declining to comment specifically on Fantastic Four 2.

 

There's been speculation that Fox could incorporate the Fantastic Four characters into the X-Men series. Fox is also in the midst of launching two new superhero franchises based on Marvel characters; Deadpool and Gambit.

 

http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/fantastic-four/36503/fantastic-four-fails-at-box-office-fox-still-committed-to-series

 

I suspect that right now they're circling the wagons and trying to make the best of what limited run this movie has. No sense in throwing in the towel while it's still in theaters....

[kimik]

 

I suspect that right now they're circling the wagons and trying to make the best of what limited run this movie has. No sense in throwing in the towel while it's still in theaters....

 

There will definitely be another movie due to the fact they need to put one out at some point to retain the rights.

 

[Gatsby77]

So how is Reed's disappearance & survival any more ludicrous than a similar point in the Dark Knight Rises?

 

You know, where Bruce magically heals his broken back with a rope, & hitchhikes -- presumably from the Middle East, sans money or more than the clothes on his back -- across the dessert and back into a besieged and heavily-guarded Gotham?

[Mr 9.8]

Expect a halfassed X-Men/Fantastic 4 movie in the near future.