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Crisis On Infinite Message Boards
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Started by Illiterati-migration,

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plitch

plitch

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Okay, I'm reading it from the beginning so I can remember what the heck happened. The weird part is that I wasn't on drugs for any it.

 

Really!?!? :shy:

 

I am really glad you are gonna start this up again... it seems like the world has been about to end...... for years!

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PovertyRow

PovertyRow

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Okay, I'm reading it from the beginning so I can remember what the heck happened. The weird part is that I wasn't on drugs for any it.

 

Really!?!? :shy:

 

I am really glad you are gonna start this up again... it seems like the world has been about to end...... for years!

 

Why, that was Joanna's way of saving us! Realizing the world was about to end, she stopped, keeping our imminent demise on hold, while she was able to formulate the perfect foil to such destruction!

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Joanna

Joanna

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Not sure, greggy, but he may be cleaned, pressed, trimmed, disassembled, and sent to a shady dealer in Oregon. Not saying it will happen, just that it's best you keep the scans of Mylite's before pictures.

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Joanna

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Phew! Finally finished reading it. Apparently, everyone (well, nearly everyone) has jumped into the swirly breast-shaped portals and is on their way to the beginning of time. I'll check my records and see what's due to be next and write 'er up.

 

Yes, I hereby promise another Crisis post in the soon near almost here future.

 

-- Joanna

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Joanna

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Previously, in Issue 12, Part 3E...

 

Just then, a large, swirling, whooshing, breast-like portal opens up in the room.

 

"Ooh! That tickles!" laughs the disembodied voice.

 

Morty rushes in, and stops cold. "That is not supposed to be there."

 

Madeleine looks at her guests, at the portal, then back at her guests. Everyone is staring at the portal. Quickly, she removes her blouse, and stands in front of it, her magnificent breasts thrust forward. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to choose. You can stare at that ridiculous swirling thing, or you may fondle these. Keep in mind that I have two to its one. Now which will it be?"

 

Issue 12, Part 4E: To Swirl or Not To Swirl?

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

Lord Rawl (Lord Rahl)

The corpse of Dr. Gloom (Joe Collector)

A disembodied voice

Prof. Nefarious (Bronty)

Assoc. Prof. Heinous (AlexH)

Morty, the robed figure (Deathlok)

Second Guy (Ares) Lord of Time Stream

Minute Guy (DiceX) Lord of Time Stream

Hour Guy (PedgreeMan) Lord of Time Stream

Day Guy (hobbes) Lord of Time Stream

Year Guy (justiceleaguefiend) Lord of Time Stream

Decade Guy (Chrisfuccione) Lord of Time Stream

Century Guy (sfilosa) Lord of Time Stream

Millennium Guy (blowout) Lord of Time Stream

 

 

And Introducing Fazybones as the mysterious innkeeper named Madeleine (Didn't know you could end up in the story at a whim, didja, Fazy?)

 

 

 

Lord Rawl, Prof. Nefarious, Assoc. Prof. Heinous and Morty stare transfixed at the sight of the lusciously semi-nude Madeleine.

 

"I notice, mysterious robed stranger, that you are as transfixed as we," says Prof. Nefarious. "I did not realize a man in your... condition would be interested."

 

"Are you insane? Look at them! They're mythic!" Morty gasps, a single bone in his skeletal figure taking center stage in his mind.

 

"Even the deceased Dr. Gloom is looking," says Heiny. Everyone glances to the left and sees the corpse of Dr. Gloom, still quite irrevocably dead, peeking in the front door.

 

"Oops, I... uh... was supposed to dispose of that," says Morty, sheepishly. He doesn't move.

 

Madeleine is not amused. "Yes, you were. These tumescent beauties are for the living only." She thrusts out her chest even more in an effort to recapture the attention in the room. She succeeds.

 

"I think the swirly thing is beginning to fade," says Lord Rawl, not actually caring.

 

"Yes. I do believe it is, yes," says Prof. Nefarious. "A shame, that."

 

"Indeed," says Heiny, reaching slowly toward the Nirvana that would be touching an actual, real live woman in a womanly area that he had, until this moment, only seen penciled, inked and colored. Paper, he decided, was a poor substitute for heaving flesh. "Ungh."

 

"Are you okay, chum?" asks Nefarious, completely indifferent to the answer.

 

"It occurs to me that the swirly thing might be the way out of this reality," says Lord Rawl.

 

"Who cares?" replies every male in the room, including the late Dr. Gloom.

 

Madeleine licks her lips slowly, undulating just enough to add a little jiggle to the floor show. "You might as well disappear, portal. These boys are mine."

 

Just then, a figure steps from out of the portal. He is behind Madeleine and sees only the slavish, drooling faces of the males. "What in Ganthor's Midlife Crisis is going on here? Everyone else manages to figure out what the swirly thing is. Are you guys insufficiently_thoughtful_persons, or..." Century Guy sees the naked back of Madeleine and slowly leans far enough forward to see past her shoulder. "Ungh."

 

"Exactly what I said, portal person," says Heiny.

 

Century guy, moving at centennial speed, slowly reaches his hands around. Or at least, that's his intention. Frankly, centennial speed means his hands have moved maybe a micronanometer, if such a measurement exists.

 

From the portal appear Second Guy, Minute Guy, and Hour Guy.

 

"What's the hold-up?" asks Second Guy.

 

"No need to crowd," says Madeleine, bored. "Gaze at my beauty, yadda yadda, just remember that reaching is fine, touching only if your hands are clean and you denounce the portal. Oh, and Centennial Guy? Let's just I'm interested. Second Guy – not so much."

 

Soon, the entire remaining entourage from the Center of Time push their way through the portal and into the room. Millennium Guy clears his throat in an attempt to rein in the chaotic jumble of male bodies, all of whom stare unwavering at Madeleine, mumbling words of love, lust, praise, and pornography.

 

"Ahem. People! People! Settle down now. This is getting ugly."

 

"Except me," says Madeleine.

 

"Yes, except you. Anyway, I want everyone to walk into the portal in an orderly fashion. I've set the dial on the beginning of time, which is, as I recall, your destination. Time Lords, you can head back to HQ. Madeleine, I'll stay here and guard your breasts. Okay, everybody in."

 

"No!" says Madeleine. "I have plans for these men. I've got cake and scotch and a large bed and more girly bits you haven't even seen yet. They're worth the wait, too."

 

"You told me you were going to kill—" says Morty.

 

"Be quiet, you idjit!" hisses Madeleine. "They're not quite zombified."

 

"Zombified? I will never subject myself to such a process," says Lord Rawl. "As ruler of the 17th dimension, master of the xathosphere, I protest even the thought that I can be...uh... er... mmmmm... neeed brains..."

 

"Ew," says Morty. "Not that kind of zombie. A sex zombie."

 

"Need breasts..."

 

At that moment, Second Guy rips off his clothes and shouts, "I can't stand it! She's mine, you hear me? All mine!" He begins tossing villains, skeletal figures and Time Lords into the Swirly Portal.

 

"Not me – I'm Canadian!" shouts Heiny, but he is pushed into the portal without so much as a "Sorry, eh?"

 

Within seconds, Madeleine and Second Guy are alone.

 

"So, baby, what say we take a second to get acquainted."

 

"Nertz to you!" she says and leaps into the fading portal.

 

Alone with only Dr. Gloom's corpse and the disembodied voice, Second Guy jumps in the portal as it shimmers out of existence.

 

[To Be Continued]

 

 

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