Crisis On Infinite Message Boards 6 6

[FFB]

Woo Hoo!

 

I just got the contract for my next book. I've been working on this deal for awhile now, and really wanted it to go through, so I'm stoked! I don't have a lot of time to write it, but when I finish, I should be able write a little crisis. My deepest apologies for making everyone wait so long. I've been pretty busy with a lot of projects lately, including trying to get this book deal to go through. I'm very happy about it.

 

-- Joanna

 

Congrats, Joanna! What's the book about? (Whatever you can tell us, I mean.)

 

[Joanna]

Thanks Beyonder and FFB!

 

This book is a little difficult to explain. I can't just rattle off a vague subject because of that, and I'm not allowed to discuss details yet. It's going to be fun to write, though. It's in the same genre as the last two -- body/mind/spirit/self-help. Maybe I'll be able to describe it better once I've written it.

 

I do have a new publisher, and I like them a lot.

 

By the way, my other 2 books are now out. I've got some copies in my hot little hands. But unfortunately, they're not available in the American market yet (my publisher is British). The US distributor is lagging, it appears. Hopefully they'll be out soon in the US.

 

-- Joanna

[chrisco37]

Congrats Joanna!

 

Wooohoo! Can't wait for the new issue of Crisis either. Has it gone quarterly, ala "Secret War"?

[THE_BEYONDER]

[Illiterati-migration]

 

 

Chapter 137 - "The Untimely and Untragic End of Fluffy The Gripper (aka The Beyonder)"

 

 

 

His stomach gurgling, Fluffy The Gripper silently slid down into one of the available La-Z-Boy recliners to rest his weary, yet impossibly oversized, head.

 

Suddenly, various pianos and buckets full of rusty nails fell from the sky, crushing Fluffy The Gripper and giving his freshly-dead corpse tetanus.

 

Fifteen minutes later, after it was agreed that no more time was needed for mourning, everyone stuffed his body full of candy and hung him from a tree so that the younger ones could hit him with sticks. He was later set on fire. And then they buried him at the bottom of the ocean which was also later set on fire.

 

The End (of Fluffy The Gripper)

[THE_BEYONDER]

[Illiterati-migration]

 

Goodbye, Fluffy. Hope you enjoyed The Big Flush™.

[Joanna]

As I explained, I'm writing a book with a short deadline. I don't write when I'm taking a break from writing. That wouldn't help me at all. So basically, there won't be any Crisis while I'm working on this project. I need to spend all of my possible writing time doing my job. I need to get it done as soon as I can because there's another possible job coming my way that will also need my full attention. I'll write another section as soon as I'm unemployed again.

 

-- Joanna

[FlyingDonut]

Damn job getting in the way of our enjoyment.

[Illiterati-migration]

As I explained, I'm writing a book with a short deadline. I don't write when I'm taking a break from writing. That wouldn't help me at all. So basically, there won't be any Crisis while I'm working on this project. I need to spend all of my possible writing time doing my job. I need to get it done as soon as I can because there's another possible job coming my way that will also need my full attention. I'll write another section as soon as I'm unemployed again.

 

-- Joanna

 

Don't worry, I'll just keep killing Beyonder every time he asks for more.

[deathlok]

Thank goodness Mylite is back among the living. This must be written into the plot somehow, Joanna.

[Joanna]

Thank goodness Mylite is back among the living. This must be written into the plot somehow, Joanna.

 

An excellent suggestion. Now, who was Mylite again? Is he in the story? It's been so long...

[greggy]

Thank goodness Mylite is back among the living. This must be written into the plot somehow, Joanna.

 

An excellent suggestion. Now, who was Mylite again? Is he in the story? It's been so long...

[Joanna]

I finished my manuscript three weeks early, so here's a little treat for all of your patience:

 

Where we left off:

 

The best thing to do would be to find Part 3C, because it's been a very long time since it was posted and who the heck can remember what's going on? But if you're too lazy, here's what's happening:

 

Sgt. Rocky and The Hero Squadron confronted a bunch of German soldiers. They took the Germans prisoner, then the Germans took them prisoner, then they escaped, and then the Germans followed them, due to the talents of their telepathic leader, Schomburg.

 

Things got even more confusing when the shape shifter, Ape, took on the guise of Hitler, to try to commandeer the prisoners. It looked liked it was going to work, too. Until this:

 

Schomburg is about to leave when Hoffman taps him on his shoulder. "If you read Herr Hitler's mind, you would find out if this is a trick or not."

 

"I vould never read ze mind of ze Führer!"

 

"You aren't at all curious? I mean, this is the main man, ve're talking about here. You could learn all sorts of juicy things."

 

"Vell, maybe just a peek." Oberleutnant Schomburg focuses on Ape, his powerful telepathic mind zeroing in on his target.

 

And now, let's continue with the story...

 

 

 

Issue 12, Part 4C: Our Fighting Forces

 

Appearing in this issue:

 

 

Sgt. Rocky (Awe4one) Super strength

Damp Dude (Elvis) Aqua powers

Magic Tape (Scottish) stickiness

Go Go (Speedjunkies) Superspeed

Zilla (Zillatoy) Ninja dinosaur

Ape (CD4ever) Shape shifter

Chrome Dome (Chromium) power over metal

Unterfeldwebel Hoffman (Alex H)

Oberleutnant Schomburg (Ultimate Venom) telepath

 

Issue 12, Part 4C: Our Fighting Forces

 

 

Oberleutnant Schomburg's eyes focus intently on Ape. The Hero Squadron shuffles nervously in place, readying themselves for a battle.

 

"I am getting zomezing..." says Oberleutnant Schomburg. "It is a bit muddled und freaky, but I am zenzing..."

 

"What? What are you sensing?" asks Chrome Dome, into the drama of the moment.

 

"I zee... trees of green." The German officer concentrates harder. "Red roses, too. I zee zem bloom for me..." He turns to Unterfeldwebel Hoffman. "...Und for you!"

 

"You und your damn gardening!" says Unterfeldwebel Hoffman. "Focus, man!"

 

"Zere is no need to get schnippy," says Schomburg. "I vas just thinking to myself vhat a vonderful vorld zis vas for capturing spies!" He grabs Ape by the collar. "Zis is not Hitler! Zis is a damn, dirty ape!"

 

"You are just full of pop culture references today, aren't ya, big guy?" notes Damp Dude.

 

"He does that a lot," says Hoffman, rolling his eyes. "Drives us nuts."

 

Zilla rises from where he had been resting. "Okay, Krauts. If you want to hurt Ape, you're going to have to go through me, first."

 

"Krauts? Is it really necessary to throw in bigoted slurs? We didn't call any of you names."

 

"You called me dirty," says Ape.

 

"Yeah, but you are dirty," says Go Go. "Really. Bath time, dude."

 

The others nod agreement.

 

"I'm in a war!" says Ape, trying to defend his poor hygiene.

 

"I tire of this," says Schomburg. "Let's just kill zem and get it over with."

 

"Hold on just a cotton-picking minute there, jerry," says Sgt. Rocky. "You are supposed to be taking us to Hitler, remember? There'll be no killing. This is not about killing."

 

"In der Fatherland, war tends to have killing," says Hoffman.

 

"We have that in the States, too!" says Tape.

 

Sgt. Rocky glares at Tape, and then concentrates on Schomburg. He inches closer, trying to insinuate himself between the German and Ape. "Okay, okay, I'll admit that some wars have a little killing in them. But it's not a requirement!"

 

Hoffman looks skeptical. "I don't know about zat. Schmidt! Get ze dictionary! I'm going to use the dictionary definition defense! It never fails." One of the soldiers turns and runs back to the former German position by the trees.

 

"Damn it," whispers Damp Dude. "We're sunk.

 

"Not quite," says Sgt. Rocky, a glint in his eye. "Everyone knows that when a dictionary definition is thrown into an argument, talk of Hitler is never far behind. This may be our best chance to get them to take us to the furrier."

 

"Zat's Führer," says Schomburg. "A furrier is someone who buys und sells furs."

 

"You're wrong," says Sgt. Rocky. "Quick, Dome, get our dictionary!"

 

"Wake me when you need a thesaurus," says Zilla, the ninja dinosaur, trying to make a pun on the suffix 'saurus'. Several crickets chirp.

 

Suddenly, a large portal shaped like a gigantic, voluptuous breast shimmers into sight. The Hero Squadron and the Germans stare at it mesmerized.

 

"Ach du lieber! Eine riesige Brust! whispers Schomburg.

 

"Holy titillation," moans Tape

 

"Well, bust my chops," says Ape

 

"I feel like a boob for asking, but what is that?" asks Dome.

 

Before anyone else could come up with another terrible pun, Sgt. Rocky says, "It's the portal! C'mon, men, jump!"

 

Zilla leaps into the portal.

 

"Wait, Sarge, there's a dial on here," says Go Go, spinning it until it reads 'The Beginning of Time.'

 

"Oops," says Rocky. "Zilla is going to be really ticked. Where did he end up, anyway?"

 

"Right here, Sarge," says Zilla, stepping out of another portal that just appeared. Before the Germans could react to the giant ninja dinosaur that had just snuck up from the rear, Zilla knocks all the soldiers cold, then picks up Hoffman and Schomburg. "Gonna save you two for lunch," he says, licking his lipless lizard mouth.

 

"Eep."

 

"Men, into the portal," says Rocky. "Zilla, hold them until we're all in, then toss them aside and follow us. There'll be no snacking on sour krauts on my watch!"

 

With that, The Hero Squadron leaps into the portal. Zilla watches them all go, tosses aside the Germans and follows them in. Hoffman and Schomburg pick themselves up, glance at their unconscious troops, notice an enormous column of American tanks on the horizon, and leap into the portal just as it begins to fade away.

 

To be continued...

[deathlok]

[chrisco37]

Woohoo!!!!

 

Another great issue, Joanna!

[PovertyRow]

Has this thread died?

[Joanna]

Funny thing. A few days ago, I started reading the thread from the beginning. I wanted to get a sense of the whole story. In the middle of this, my power went out yet again (we've had huge, monster storms in L.A.) and I decided it was no longer safe to have my computer on during the storms. So for several days, I kept it off, logging in only once a day for a quick check on the online classes I teach. All told, my electricity went out over half a dozen times, so it was a good decision.

 

Today is the first storm-free day we've had in quite awhile. And I just turned in the project I was working on, so I have nothing pressing to do. Perhaps another chapter would be just the thing tonight.

 

-- Joanna

[deathlok]

[Joanna]

While you're waiting, here's the storyline I'll be working on. Scroll down until you find it.