Comic collectors who have had serious, hobby-related friction with a significant other, how did it resolve? 2 2

[stynxno]

This reminds me that I need to add a collection/hobby question to my pre-martial counseling sessions.

[lordbyroncomics]

2 hours ago, Randall Ries said:

Yeah Say what you just wrote out loud to yourself. Does it sound healthy to you?  When you answer the question you may ask yourself "Why am I sneaking comic books like I might pornography", the answer is usually a red flag. That is something best straightened out and agreed on before marriage. It WILL become an issue at some point.

I have become a huge advocator for myself. When I was dating and it was clear we found each other interesting, I had a little "list" I would get to in the form of conversation. Things like "Nah. I don't want any more kids. Had a vasectomy 30 years ago." And the biggie: "I can't stand active alcoholics. I hate the way they behave, I hate their attitude and I hate the disease. Seen it. Lived through their problem. Not doing it again. EVER." You might be surprised but my intolerance for alcoholics and the desire to not crowd the planet with more people actually prompted some women to get off the train. "Oh. I LOVE kids!" And "WOW! I had NO IDEA you were so judgmental!" Well? I am. Being that way  eventually probably saved me a lot of hassles and more heartache. See. In that circumstance, WOMEN are "choosey". MEN are "judgmental". LOL!

I'm a teetotaler and have actually never drank alcohol in my life- I don't know about beers, I didn't know "on the rocks" meant with ice until a few years ago- and while that isn't borne out of any judgmental morals thing (like some people have assumed), I would like to point out that this has unexpectedly made many many women inexplicably more interested in me, to my immense surprise as that wasn't intentional. Sometimes it was because they just had dated a guy who got mess-faced all the time so I seemed refreshing by comparison. (my current gf also told me it was intriguing to her since so many guys she'd observed just wanted to drink beer and play video games- again, nothing wrong with that but I guess if you're a girl it can get boring? I don't know as I'm not a girl yet) So I would have to think Randall, not every woman would see it as being judgmental per se. 

[kav]

6 hours ago, xvipah said:

My wife likes to do these weird diamond art painting things.

Just had to google this.

[dupont2005]

I don’t really spend a whole lot on comics anymore. So far this year I think I only bought the Usagi Yojimbo Saga vol.9 for like $80. My collection fits in my comic closet and isn’t a significant cost. She spends more on purses 

[lordbyroncomics]

Again, the common sense approach to all of this is that it depends on each individual circumstance and dynamic. If you're in a relationship where you bought a house together and you can't pay your share of the mortgage because you spent the money on a back issue of Tales to Astonish, I could see where the partner being pissed off was rightful and justified. If you're equal partners, if you don't ever try to reign in your partner if they collect (for example) beany babies, and that partner tries to belittle you and threatens to sell your comics- that's unjustified, that is unwarranted. I think everything has it's context. 

Or it's entirely possible the last three women you've dated have all had affairs with Kav. This is highly probable. 

[kav]

6 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

Or it's entirely possible the last three women you've dated have all had affairs with Kav. This is highly probable. 

Dont worry they regretted it-

[kav]

Instead of No Regerts tattoo they got Regerts.

[Namtak]

Still searching for the one woman for me but learned a few lesson in the past,im good to notice red flag now,when most of them talk about my collection with interest and switch the conversation about what great furniture we could have RED FLAG. Second lesson,go to her place first.let the idea stir a little,go to a comic shop and talk with friends and others there before she step inside my apartment which is wall to wall of collecting,that worked a few time the right way.

[lordbyroncomics]

2 minutes ago, Namtak said:

Still searching for the one woman for me but learned a few lesson in the past,im good to notice red flag now,when most of them talk about my collection with interest and switch the conversation about what great furniture we could have RED FLAG. Second lesson,go to her place first.let the idea stir a little,go to a comic shop and talk with friends and others there before she step inside my apartment which is wall to wall of collecting,that worked a few time the right way.

I remember going to NYCC a few years ago and they had a Speed-Dating thing for comic fans and I thought that was a great idea and concept for people into comics etc. finding people with similar interests. Try to find something like this Namtak! 

[kav]

1 minute ago, Namtak said:

Still searching for the one woman for me but learned a few lesson in the past,im good to notice red flag now,when most of them talk about my collection with interest and switch the conversation about what great furniture we could have RED FLAG. Second lesson,go to her place first.let the idea stir a little,go to a comic shop and talk with friends and others there before she step inside my apartment which is wall to wall of collecting,that worked a few time the right way.

You can trick em by start talkin abt acquaintance whose BF collects comics and how it drives her crazy.  If she says "He should be able to do what he wants"-then good.  If she says "Oh I would burn those childish things" then-

[Randall Ries]

22 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

So I would have to think Randall, not every woman would see it as being judgmental per se. 

Oh no. Not every woman by a long shot. As I dated, I found I had to do some "weeding", for lack of a better word. Having lived with an alcoholic wife, then a couple of alcoholic girlfriends, it was something I eventually concluded I didn't want to deal with. I'm not talking about women who just have a drink or beer every once and again. I'm talking about full blown, disease affected alcoholics. I was choosing them w/o realizing it. Once I saw my own behavior needed some tending, I drew some hard lines as to what I wanted and who I wanted in my life. My current wife has never been drunk. She doesn't drink at all, really.

And yes. THere are women who look for the same things having gone through the same things I had. Who needs it? It's a drag and it's never ending. Being with someone who needs help but won't get it sucks.

[Randall Ries]

28 minutes ago, kav said:

Just had to google this.

Very cool. I also love those generational quilts people make.

[Randall Ries]

1 hour ago, Westy Steve said:

But she's seen first-hand that when the fecal matter hits the whirligig, I will not hesitate to sell things for the betterment of our family.

Same. My wife had a tumor in her pancreas the size of a golf ball. I had a Bat #3 8.5 CGC and I put it up for auction without hesitation. Was concerned about meeting payroll.

[Namtak]

7 minutes ago, kav said:

You can trick em by start talkin abt acquaintance whose BF collects comics and how it drives her crazy.  If she says "He should be able to do what he wants"-then good.  If she says "Oh I would burn those childish things" then-

First thing annybody see when entering my apartment

[lordbyroncomics]

1 minute ago, kav said:

You can trick em by start talkin abt acquaintance whose BF collects comics and how it drives her crazy.  If she says "He should be able to do what he wants"-then good.  If she says "Oh I would burn those childish things" then-

You say that like it's that easy. If I was talking to a real bombshell and it turned out that she didn't like comics, I may be swayed enough to simply pivot to something that would be a mutual interest, because I have had weakness in the past my friends, I admit it! I was weak! I was dating a burlesque performer who, I assure you, was like a personification of Jessica Rabbit in human form. She hated comics because she hated "geek culture" as she put it so you know, I just didn't broach the subject. Didn't throw my comics out, didn't hide it, but damn girl, it's fine, we can talk about magicians and old films and Bowie records! Kav, I know you know what I'm saying here man

[innocuous]

7 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

I remember going to NYCC a few years ago and they had a Speed-Dating thing for comic fans and I thought that was a great idea and concept for people into comics etc. finding people with similar interests. Try to find something like this Namtak! 

A few years ago in Seattle, I was at a dealer booth and joined a conversation with a few guys. One of them did the speed date thing the night before. He said almost every woman he chatted with said something along the lines of (use surprised, judgmental voice in your head) "oh, you mean you're into 'comic book' comics" 

[kav]

1 minute ago, wisbyron said:

You say that like it's that easy. If I was talking to a real bombshell and it turned out that she didn't like comics, I may be swayed enough to simply pivot to something that would be a mutual interest, because I have had weakness in the past my friends, I admit it! I was weak! I was dating a burlesque performer who, I assure you, was like a personification of Jessica Rabbit in human form. She hated comics because she hated "geek culture" as she put it so you know, I just didn't broach the subject. Didn't throw my comics out, didn't hide it, but damn girl, it's fine, we can talk about magicians and old films and Bowie records! Kav, I know you know what I'm saying here man

What you can do is say you have the comics only to mock the geeks that collect them!

 

[lordbyroncomics]

Just now, innocuous said:

A few years ago in Seattle, I was at a dealer booth and joined a conversation with a few guys. One of them did the speed date thing the night before. He said almost every woman he chatted with said something along the lines of (use surprised, judgmental voice in your head) "oh, you mean you're into 'comic book' comics" 

yeah but I don't mean speed dating per se, but this specific speed dating which took place at a comic-con so, the participants (of both sexes and all orientations) were already comic fans 

Unless! You mean this dealer in Seattle was at a speed dating thing AT THE COMIC CON and you did not misunderstand me, my friend. In that case, that is odd. I wonder what kind of comics they meant then? I have to think though, that's not every single female. I have female friends, especially in the comic con industry (I used to work for ReedPop) who are hardcore into mainstream superhero stuff, so that's kind of surprising to hear.

[Randall Ries]

1 minute ago, wisbyron said:

You say that like it's that easy. If I was talking to a real bombshell and it turned out that she didn't like comics, I may be swayed enough to simply pivot to something that would be a mutual interest, because I have had weakness in the past my friends, I admit it! I was weak!

Yes. The power of poon. Entire empires have crumbled because of it. And I have no problem if they don't LIKE comics. I don't like Bed Bath And Beyond.  I have an issue if they try to step on my brake pedal. Dislike all you want. Start telling me what to do and I get snippy.

The nice thing about getting old is poon has lost its urgency by a great margin. She used to threaten to "shut me off" as a means of extorting something out of me. Really? I'm 60. And right now, I would rather have two hunk of garlic bread with a Snickers bar in between them in one hand and the remote in the other. "Twilight Zone" reruns are much more interesting than poon now. I KNOW! Hard to believe! Lot less work and not as sticky.

[kav]

2 minutes ago, Randall Ries said:

Yes. The power of poon. Entire empires have crumbled because of it. And I have no problem if they don't LIKE comics. I don't like Bed Bath And Beyond.  I have an issue if they try to step on my brake pedal. Dislike all you want. Start telling me what to do and I get snippy.

The nice thing about getting old is poon has lost its urgency by a great margin. She used to threaten to "shut me off" as a means of extorting something out of me. Really? I'm 60. And right now, I would rather have two hunk of garlic bread with a Snickers bar in between them in one hand and the remote in the other. "Twilight Zone" reruns are much more interesting than poon now. I KNOW! Hard to believe! Lot less work and not as sticky.

Yep.  thats the good part of being old.  "You have no power over me".