Comic collectors who have had serious, hobby-related friction with a significant other, how did it resolve? 2 2

[Namtak]

2 minutes ago, Randall Ries said:

Yes. The power of poon. Entire empires have crumbled because of it. And I have no problem if they don't LIKE comics. I don't like Bed Bath And Beyond.  I have an issue if they try to step on my brake pedal. Dislike all you want. Start telling me what to do and I get snippy.

The nice thing about getting old is poon has lost its urgency by a great margin. She used to threaten to "shut me off" as a means of extorting something out of me. Really? I'm 60. And right now, I would rather have two hunk of garlic bread with a Snickers bar in between them in one hand and the remote in the other. "Twilight Zone" reruns are much more interesting than poon now. I KNOW! Hard to believe! Lot less work and not as sticky.

Hum this got weird quick

[lordbyroncomics]

2 minutes ago, Randall Ries said:

Yes. The power of poon. Entire empires have crumbled because of it. And I have no problem if they don't LIKE comics. I don't like Bed Bath And Beyond.  I have an issue if they try to step on my brake pedal. Dislike all you want. Start telling me what to do and I get snippy.

The nice thing about getting old is poon has lost its urgency by a great margin. She used to threaten to "shut me off" as a means of extorting something out of me. Really? I'm 60. And right now, I would rather have two hunk of garlic bread with a Snickers bar in between them in one hand and the remote in the other. "Twilight Zone" reruns are much more interesting than poon now. I KNOW! Hard to believe! Lot less work and not as sticky.

For me it was those curves and that cleavage, which could raise the dead. It wasn't completely superficial because we did have a lot in common, but yeah, she was just like "I am not going to a comic con with you" but she didn't complain about me going without her. Yeah, I agree- people do not have to conform to each other, or like the same things. I think the key to ANY relationship is the ability to co-exist. So many people need validation and reassurance though, which disrupts this.

[vheflin]

1 minute ago, Namtak said:

Hum this got weird quick

RR speaks the truth.

Edited April 22, 2021 by vheflin

[Randall Ries]

5 minutes ago, innocuous said:

A few years ago in Seattle, I was at a dealer booth and joined a conversation with a few guys. One of them did the speed date thing the night before. He said almost every woman he chatted with said something along the lines of (use surprised, judgmental voice in your head) "oh, you mean you're into 'comic book' comics" 

In the movie "Fandango" (great flick) there is a scene where one of the college students is a passenger in a car reading an issue of "The Incredible Hulk". In the next scene where he is a passenger, he is reading "Steppenwolf". LOL!

I never "Sped Dated" but I have told women I have asked out that I like comic books and amateur archaeology. As well as music. I like museums, too. I took my wife then girlfriend to a Civil War battle reenactment once. It was awesome! When they recreated the Gettysburg battle, she was like "OMFG they were so screwed!" She had no idea about the Civil War.

Women look for certain things in men. I look for certain things in women. Like an open mind and a willingness to learn about stuff. In short, a brain.

[vheflin]

2 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

For me it was those curves and that cleavage, which could raise the dead. It wasn't completely superficial because we did have a lot in common, but yeah, she was just like "I am not going to a comic con with you" but she didn't complain about me going without her. Yeah, I agree- people do not have to conform to each other, or like the same things. I think the key to ANY relationship is the ability to co-exist. So many people need validation and reassurance though, which disrupts this.

If she was a stripper, you shoulda said put on a Power Girl outfit and you'll get tons of attention and money too!

and then tell her some of the cosplay girls get into movies

[Randall Ries]

2 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

but yeah, she was just like "I am not going to a comic con with you" but she didn't complain about me going without her.

Right on. Have you ever brought a date somewhere she did not want to go? I have. Once. NEEEEVER doing that again. Well, I don't have to now.

I brought a girlfriend to a weekly cribbage game at a friends house. Three or four of us would hang out and play cribbage or roll dice. She did not want to be there. And she became a nuisance. We were talking about world politics and someone mentioned Fidel Castro. She said "What band does HE play with?"

I could feel them turn their heads and look at me. The lights flickered in the room and they communicated telepathically with me: "She does NOT cross the first barrier here ever again. EVER.". LOL! And yeah. I ended it that night.

[lordbyroncomics]

2 minutes ago, vheflin said:

If she was a stripper, you shoulda said put on a Power Girl outfit and you'll get tons of attention and money too!

and then tell her some of the cosplay girls get into movies

She was not a stripper (I don't go to strip clubs) but a burlesque/pin-up performer and the whole Power Girl thing was one of her turn-offs, the way super-hero women were drawn, Psylocke in a thong, etc. So that approach wouldn't have worked! 

[Randall Ries]

This is one of my favorite scenes in the BBT. Perfection and relevant to what we have been discussing:
 

 

[Namtak]

6 minutes ago, wisbyron said:

She was not a stripper (I don't go to strip clubs) but a burlesque/pin-up performer and the whole Power Girl thing was one of her turn-offs, the way super-hero women were drawn, Psylocke in a thong, etc. So that approach wouldn't have worked! 

But x men white queen that could have worked to your adventage

[lordbyroncomics]

Just now, Namtak said:

But x men white queen that could have worked to your adventage

Ugh, no thanks! This girl was already quite sexy, her dressing up as characters I don't care about would not have appealed to me. Trust me, 'as is' she was already super-human! Let's stop talking about ex girlfriends now

[The Lions Den]

4 hours ago, Randall Ries said:

Power and control issues aren't just men issues. What you describe is exactly that. You just said at least 18 years went by and the situation hasn't changed one iota.

I have gone through some terrible terrible things in relationships. REALLY terrible. Now, I have a wife who loves me and takes care of me like a wife should take care of her man. I do the same for her. It's symbiosis. When I overstep, she lets me know. And I do the same for her. It wasn't always like this. Early, she had tried to power and control me. What I had been through previously had not made me weaker or a pushover. It made me stronger and added a resolve as to how I would be treated. I'm a human being as well. And what I have observed is the US still entertains some weird Victorian mores while trying to give "equality" to women. Which - in short - is telling them they can get away with both sides of the coin. Of COURSE there is domestic abuse. This isn't that.

My wife learned early that "Oh no. We aren't playing that". Telling me "no" concerning some innocuous things. I don't make decisions for my wife. I "allow" her to find her way and her place in things. I listen when she has a problem and she brings her problems to me. Together we will work on it. But I will not be told I cannot collect. I make money. She makes money. As long as I don't get carried away, everything is fine. I HAVE gotten carried away, I got chapped at for it, I adjusted myself and we moved on.

I said early on "I will not earn money just to pay bills and that's it. I have interests and hobbies. They are part of who I am as an individual. They are separate from "us". These things are "me". Idf and when you develop and interest, it will be the same for you. I will not be harnessed like that. For you see: ANY psychologist will tell you that by restricting someones interests or hobbies, the people they see and the family they choose to hang out with is a form of domestic abuse. The PROBLEM is it is readily accepted if it is the man doing these things to their wives/partners etc. Not so much if it's the other way around. That is something we as a society have yet to come to grips with.

Sorry if that "bothers" anyone. But I have been through the mill and seen both sides in as close up a situation as one could imagine. For example, if you told your wife "No. You ARE NOT spending the money I earn on "XYZ", it would immediately be construed as "power and control". But we see easily as she does that precise thing to YOU, nary an eyebrow would be raised. In fact, her female friends would agree with HER viewpoint concerning your want to collect comics and spend money YOU EARN. I'd bet almost anything. Because they don't see it as abuse when they pull it on us. Always some BS reason and rationale to explain it away.

Anyway. Hobbies to those who love them NEED them. it's a psychological NEED to connect. My need to collect stems from wanting to feel young and remember being a kid with fondness and to extend that feeling with an adults perspective. I had to explain it to my current wife. I will not slave just to pay the man, then save for some trip or cruise and have nothing but photos and memories to show for it. I'm not AGAINST those things, but the collector in me is HERE and is GOING to be included. Simple as that. Don't like it? So sorry. But my first wish is I hope you DO like it or at least respect me enough to NOT make my life a guilty Hell or what I love as unpleasant. Not cool.

 Right on, brother!   

[Randall Ries]

1 minute ago, Namtak said:

But x men white queen that could have worked to your adventage

Sounds like he was getting plenty of "Advantage". One thing I have learned is not to badger women into doing something they don't want to do. The "Advantage" strts to dry up a little. LOL!

[Lurker89]

[Lurker89]

1 hour ago, Randall Ries said:

The nice thing about getting old is poon has lost its urgency by a great margin. And right now, I would rather have two hunk of garlic bread with a Snickers bar in between them in one hand and  "Twilight Zone" reruns are much more interesting than poon now. I KNOW! 

Rofl, my problem is I'm 32 and already in the same boat as you gents.

Married with kids etc. etc. 

Some days I see it as a problem other days I just think I was liberated early... Depressing and enlightening all at once....

Comic buying of big books ($500+) is always a negotiation ... I negotiate for a living so I guess it works out but I have still missed some big books because I've negotiated to buy other books come bonus time and then books I NEED are no longer in the budget. I've managed to get my WBN 32, HOS 92, Warrior Mag , and IM 55 along with many others . But have effectively missed out on MS 5, ASM 129, SS3 along with many others.

 

[xvipah]

Yep, that's them!

2 hours ago, kav said:

Just had to google this.

 

[kav]

I used to be a chick magnet.  I accidentally learned, at the age of 24, that ignoring gorgeous girls makes you irresistable to them.  I mean if you look somewhat decent.  Think of it from their side-hit on and leered at all day every day-never a day off from this.  Suddenly a guy is....ignoring you.
YOU WANT IN!!!!

[DavidTheDavid]

5 hours ago, Randall Ries said:

Yeah Say what you just wrote out loud to yourself. Does it sound healthy to you?  When you answer the question you may ask yourself "Why am I sneaking comic books like I might pornography", the answer is usually a red flag. That is something best straightened out and agreed on before marriage. It WILL become an issue at some point.

I have become a huge advocator for myself. When I was dating and it was clear we found each other interesting, I had a little "list" I would get to in the form of conversation. Things like "Nah. I don't want any more kids. Had a vasectomy 30 years ago." And the biggie: "I can't stand active alcoholics. I hate the way they behave, I hate their attitude and I hate the disease. Seen it. Lived through their problem. Not doing it again. EVER." You might be surprised but my intolerance for alcoholics and the desire to not crowd the planet with more people actually prompted some women to get off the train. "Oh. I LOVE kids!" And "WOW! I had NO IDEA you were so judgmental!" Well? I am. Being that way  eventually probably saved me a lot of hassles and more heartache. See. In that circumstance, WOMEN are "choosey". MEN are "judgmental". LOL!

Agree with this. That approach will blow things up sooner or later.

Edited April 23, 2021 by DavidTheDavid

[DavidTheDavid]

4 hours ago, october said:

My wife and I both work. She buys what she wants, I buy what I want. Neither of us are frivolous, so it's not a problem. 

After a year or two of making good money flipping comics, she stopped even thinking about it, even why I run large buys by her first. Zero arguments, or even discussions, about comic money in 7-8 years. Now the TIME I spend on comics is a different story. That sometimes upsets her, and deservedly so, so I scale back when I am too into it.

I don't think I could be with someone actively hostile to comics. It's a hobby and a second job and too important to me.

Time was a big factor for us. At one point, I was gunning for my black belt in TKD, working a side gig in addition to teaching (which did lead to my current job, so worth it) and buying and selling comics like crazy. Oh, and a baby. So yeah, that had to change.

[Robot Man]

28 minutes ago, kav said:

I used to be a chick magnet.  I accidentally learned, at the age of 24, that ignoring gorgeous girls makes you irresistable to them.  I mean if you look somewhat decent.  Think of it from their side-hit on and leered at all day every day-never a day off from this.  Suddenly a guy is....ignoring you.
YOU WANT IN!!!!

I learned about 17 that a low slung Stratocaster was just chumming the water. Playing in a band, especially at high school dances in neighboring high schools we had a never ending supply of “admirers”. And having a tricked out Econoline van (to haul equipment in ), quite often worked out well.

Yeah and pretending you didn’t notice them...

Edited April 23, 2021 by Robot Man

[kav]

4 minutes ago, Robot Man said:

I learned about 17 that a low slung Stratocaster was just chumming the water. Playing in a band, especially at high school dances in neighboring high schools we had a never ending supply of “admirers”. And having a tricked out Econoline van (to haul equipment in ), quite often worked out well.

Yeah and pretending you didn’t notice them...

Definitely.  I was doing sound board for a local band and I watched a groupie come backstage with us and hit on the band members one by one in this order:
Lead guitar/vocals
Bass
drummer
then rejected by all she went to me.