MCU's FANTASTIC FOUR (TBD) 8 8

[WernerVonDoom]

Never forget:

Spoiler

The movie opens in a classroom and the purpose of the scene is to show how smart Reed is as a child and that Ben was in his class. The classroom is dingy, the kids and the teacher make fun of Reed for his crazy ideas. 15 seconds in, and I knew I wasn't watching a FF movie. The FF always celebrates science and intelligence. If this was in a real FF movie, the room would be bright, the teacher would be an arrogant sub who calls on Reed, and all the other kids are smiling because they know Reed is going to put him in his place (not in a vengeful way, but in a here are the "real facts" way).

The initial intro to Ben is fine, he doesn't say anything, but is intrigued by Reed. Unfortunately, it cuts now to Ben's home life, and his abusive brother smacks him HARD across the head and says, "It's Clobbering Time!". The Thing's fun catchphrase has now been linked to child abuse.

Having young actors is tough, and they seemed to do a fine job except when given lines a child would never say like Reed's first words to Ben, "Don't kill me!" Being super-smart I guess makes you jump to the worst-case scenario, or in this bleak Ultimate FF world, people get routinely murdered for petty theft. Then a little later, Reed teleports a toy car. Instead of a normal kid's reaction, "Wow, that's cool!!!!", we get a quiet, "Reed you are insane". No one is allowed to have any fun in this movie.

The film jumps 7 years to a high school science fair. It must be a small school that goes from K-12th grade, because Reed's 5th grade teacher is there judging the contest (not to mention there are actual 5th graders that Reed is competing against). The experiment works, but for some inexplicable reason it shatters a basketball backboard. No one seems to be concerned that if the wave had been aimed lower, it would have killed a bunch of kids.

Franklin Richards and Sue suddenly appear at the science show with no explanation why they are there, I guess they are scouting talent at this odd K-12 school in the poorer part of town. Or maybe they saw the list of upcoming school science projects that every school announces in advance. Anyway, they basically say, "wow, your experiment is exactly what we are working on, what a coincidence, we would like to give you a full scholarship." in about 30 seconds of screen time.

Fast forward again to the Baxter Foundation, and Reeds talks to Sue in the library. They discuss the music Sue is listening to and she blurts out "Pattern Recognition", like a slightly functioning autistic savant. That's how the character is played throughout the entire movie. You couldn't be farther from Sue Storm if you tried.

Dr. Doom is introduced as a moping emo recluse who only agrees to return to the project because Sue will be there. Dr. Doom is in love with Sue in this mess. In the real FF, Dr. Doom's motivations are 1) finding a way to save his damned mother; 2) making Latveria prosper (in his twisted way); 3) increasing his power so he can control the world; 4) proving that he smarter than Reed. In this movie, there is no mention of his mother, you never see Latveria, he wants to destroy the world and move on, and he dislikes Reed, not because of his intelligence, but because he is jealous of Sue. WTF.

Victor whines about the government destroying the planet. Sue says, "Look at Dr. Doom here". That line was probably filmed before the studio changed Victor Van Damme back to Victor Von Doom.

Johnny Storm is introduced in street race. He says two lines, "You promise me we'll still be cool after I dust your ." and "bye bye" then crashes his car. A quick cut to Johnny and his dad coming out of the hospital and Johnny has a broken arm. Franklin yells at him and says he has the I.Q. to reach his full potential. So basically Reed, Sue, and Johnny are geniuses.

Johnny must have a mutant healing factor because his broken arm is never mentioned again. 

They build the transporter and the government stooges come in. The test works and the officials tell the group that it will go to NASA now to coordinate going to another planet. Totally reasonable next step. Victor gets mad and gives the official his middle finger. Let me repeat that, the dignified royal Dr. Doom gives the bird. So painful.

Reed, Victor and Johnny get drunk, they decided to go to the planet on their own (leaving out Sue?) Reed calls Ben and tells him to come on down to the lab so he can go to another planet also. Ben not being drunk, of course agrees.

They make it to Planet Zero (Not the Negative Zone - it has no creatures, just rocks and green energy goo). They decide to climb down a mountain to investigate. Johnny being the daredevil, gets scared and stays behind.

Doom touches the goo, which starts a chain reaction of exploding goo. Victor doesn't make it and falls back into the goo. Sue brings the other 3 back. Sue apparently gets zapped by goo somehow, but it isn't shown on screen, which is really odd.

A cut and the 4 are locked up in government facility. They show the "horror" of their powers. Reed hears Ben calling out to him and makes his way to Ben's cell. Ben asks for Reed’s help, but Reed takes off and leaves him there when the alarm sounds. The real Reed would then use his mind to get his friends out ASAP. I kept expecting that to be the case. Turns out he just runs and hides for a year and is depressed.

Ben gets pissed and makes a deal with the government, to be a soldier for them in exchange for a cure.

A year passes in a cut, and Ben has been busy killing people for the military. On the last mission alone, he killed 43 people. Yes, the Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Thing, is a mass-murderer. The Thing, who goes to the park and juggles laughing kids - yes that Thing.

Sue betrays Reed and locates him for the government. Her motive is that Reed needs to send people back to Planet Zero so the four can be cured. Of course, there is no explanation on what would be accomplished by going back there, except for giving the government access to make more super-soldiers.

Reed fixes the machine and they send a second team to the planet who finds Victor and brings him back. Victor's skin has turned to metal, which worked so well in the Tim Story movies, they decided to do it again. Victor then "Scanners" kills the base soldiers and Franklin Richards.

Doom just wants to get back to Planet Zero so he can create a world of 1. If so, why the hell did he come back to Earth when he was already there?!?!

Cheesy quick battle ensues, Ben throws one punch, Doom is disintegrated.

The government gives them a billion dollar facility and they name themselves the Fantastic Four.

Zero Stars

 

[MattTheDuck]

On 4/30/2022 at 2:06 PM, Bosco685 said:

I'd hang in there. You know there will be seasoned directors wanting to tackle this. Especially with all the Sci-Fi and Fantasy they can boil into this story.

Yeah, I'd rather have someone else than a guy who is basically burned out on the genre at the moment.  They should be able to bring someone in who can make it great.

[Xenosmilus]

On 5/1/2022 at 1:05 AM, MattTheDuck said:

Yeah, I'd rather have someone else than a guy who is basically burned out on the genre at the moment.  They should be able to bring someone in who can make it great.

I don't really believe the reason he gave.  As with a lot of other directors that didn't work out for the MCU they complain that Disney is too rigid with what the director can and can't do. Hence, they bow out.  Technically, Watts was working with Sony so he probably had more flexibility than he would at Disney.  I'm just worried Disney wants a Woke FF.  If that happens the MCU is over for me.

[Cat]

On 5/2/2022 at 12:49 AM, Xenosmilus said:

I don't really believe the reason he gave.  As with a lot of other directors that didn't work out for the MCU they complain that Disney is too rigid with what the director can and can't do. Hence, they bow out.  Technically, Watts was working with Sony so he probably had more flexibility than he would at Disney.  I'm just worried Disney wants a Woke FF.  If that happens the MCU is over for me.

Can you please stop throwing in 'woke'. It's a) political so we can't discuss it anyway, but b) your usage of it makes zero sense given the characters and their history. 

[D84]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:19 AM, Cat said:

Can you please stop throwing in 'woke'. It's a) political so we can't discuss it anyway, but b) your usage of it makes zero sense given the characters and their history. 

I think "woke" is more cultural than political.

[Gatsby77]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:49 AM, Xenosmilus said:

I don't really believe the reason he gave.  As with a lot of other directors that didn't work out for the MCU they complain that Disney is too rigid with what the director can and can't do. Hence, they bow out.  Technically, Watts was working with Sony so he probably had more flexibility than he would at Disney.  I'm just worried Disney wants a Woke FF.  If that happens the MCU is over for me.

What others have said.

How exactly would they make the FF "woke?"

I'm old enough to remember folks here having near aneurysms when they heard about Michael B. Jordan's casting as Johnny Storm - and again with the twist that Sue was the adopted one.

As I said then - this was largely a non-issue for me because Johnny Storm's primary personality trait is that he's an arrogant hot-head -- this was one of the few things the 2015 FF film got right, and I thought Jordan nailed the role.

So...again. What exactly would a "woke" FF entail?

Edited May 1, 2022 by Gatsby77

[D84]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:40 AM, Gatsby77 said:

What others have said.

How exactly would they make the FF "woke?"

I'm old enough to remember folks here having near aneurysms when they heard about Michael B. Jordan's casting as Johnny Storm - and again with the twist that Sue was the adopted one.

As I said then - this was largely a non-issue for me because Johnny Storm's primary personality trait is that he's an arrogant hot-head -- this was one of the few things the 2015 FF film got right, and I thought Jordan nailed the role.

So...again. What exactly would a "woke" FF entail?

I don't think I've ever seen Michael B. Jordan bad in anything.

[Gatsby77]

On 5/1/2022 at 11:43 AM, D84 said:

I don't think I've ever seen Michael B. Jordan bad in anything.

Agree.

And I also think he's put in the work. From cutting his teeth on The Wire to anchoring Friday Night Lights in its last two seasons.

He's *really* good.

[D84]

On 5/1/2022 at 11:21 AM, Gatsby77 said:

Agree.

And I also think he's put in the work. From cutting his teeth on The Wire to anchoring Friday Night Lights in its last two seasons.

He's *really* good.

Hell, bring him back and have him play all 4 and he'd be better than anyone in the 2000s version with Jessica Alba.

[Xenosmilus]

On 5/1/2022 at 11:40 AM, Gatsby77 said:

So...again. What exactly would a "woke" FF entail?

IDK, I just hope it's not woke.  It's like that old saying, I'll know it when you I see it. 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Xenosmilus

[Larryw7]

On 5/1/2022 at 1:19 PM, D84 said:

Hell, bring him back and have him play all 4 and he'd be better than anyone in the 2000s version with Jessica Alba.

Jessica Alba.

 

[William-James88]

Saw this thread pop up again and I'm surprised it's not because we now have a shot of Reed Richards in the Doctor Strange film.

[AnthonyTheAbyss]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:40 AM, Gatsby77 said:

How exactly would they make the FF "woke?"

1.  Mr. Fantastic spends his time researching how to cancel people

2.  Sue Richards is a feminist

3.  The Thing is a vegetarian

4.  Johnny Storm yells "flame on" and becomes gay

 

***I'm boycotting this movie if it is "woke"

[Bosco685]

On 5/2/2022 at 3:44 PM, William-James88 said:

Saw this thread pop up again and I'm surprised it's not because we now have a shot of Reed Richards in the Doctor Strange film.

Since it is a rumored appearance in the Doctor Strange 2 movie I guess people need to confirm any appearance before they jump over to this thread and fantasize where that takes us.

[TupennyConan]

On 5/2/2022 at 4:49 PM, Bosco685 said:

Since it is a rumored appearance in the Doctor Strange 2 movie I guess people need to confirm any appearance before they jump over to this thread and fantasize where that takes us.

I've already jumped over to this thread to fantasize where that takes us.

[Bosco685]

On 5/2/2022 at 4:53 PM, TupennyConan said:

I've already jumped over to this thread to fantasize where that takes us.

[Straw-Man]

On 5/1/2022 at 9:49 AM, Xenosmilus said:

I don't really believe the reason he gave.  As with a lot of other directors that didn't work out for the MCU they complain that Disney is too rigid with what the director can and can't do. Hence, they bow out.  Technically, Watts was working with Sony so he probably had more flexibility than he would at Disney.  I'm just worried Disney wants a Woke FF.  If that happens the MCU is over for me.

don't know if i can say "done," but it would make me flat sick.

[Straw-Man]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:34 AM, D84 said:

I think "woke" is more cultural than political.

it is.

[MattTheDuck]

On 5/2/2022 at 1:53 PM, TupennyConan said:

I've already jumped over to this thread to fantasize where that takes us.

I started fantasizing long before this thread even existed.

[Cat]

On 5/4/2022 at 3:22 AM, MattTheDuck said:

I started fantasizing long before this thread even existed.

About the Fantastic Four......